Black Dot On A White Board

misfire

2010-09-04T06:28:00.002-04:00

I recently overheard a girl saying something to the effect of the person on the other end (a girl I presume) is being too available and it would help if she wouldn't notice him for a while.

Then having been fed on many many stereotypical sitcoms and rom-coms, the following resulted:

Wanna Voice?

2010-04-17T15:07:00.002-04:00

"Hey, it's on that this is a pool of. So with you regarding the place cos so whenever you get a chance, please give me a call about all I would take a look at it next often, although maybe water, so give me a call back at 2(wrongly transcribed phonenumber with more than usual number of digits). Thank you"

This probably doesn't make sense to you. It doesn't make sense to me either and this was the output from my Google Voice account (by invite only, if you must know)- the transcribed voice mail. Oh where oh where do I begin to explain how very wrong this above message is in comparison to the actual voicemail? The transcription (though valiantly attempted) was less than 10% correct to the actual message. What is 'on that'? There is no 'pool of', no 'the place' regarding which I could expect a message, 'next often' is never seen together and what exactly is 'maybe water'?

Text-to-speech is a feature I have used in my eBook reader software for the purposes of laughing at toneless renderings of very high action or emotional passages in books, that provided me brief hours of merriment until my vacillating nature took over and I wanted other sources of irreverent humor for my personal amusement.

What passages, you ask? The proposal scene from Gone with the Wind was fun and the bombing chapters of Patriot Games (Jack Ryan rocks!). In fact I urge you to try anything at all as long as its in .lit eBook version. Oooh wait. Exception - the text to speech feature literally hara-kiried itself over The Fellowship of the Ring. That was not fun and in hind sight I should not have attempted to have elvish read out to me. L

Ah...Microsoft Sam, you are so cold and alien that you're forever associated in my nightmare visions of Skynet like rise of the machines...they could have just called you a 'Dalek' and not taken the pains to name you.

[irrelevant train of thought: Anyone else loved the Doctor Who scene where the Daleks face off with the Cybermen, shouting 'Exterminate' to their chants of 'Delete'? Common programming language syntaxes, get it? No? Never mind. A shout out to the TARDIS, the most funky looking space/time ship ever! Wooo hooo! J]

Anyone would prefer a homicidally logic driven yet human sounding HAL...or is it just me? Also...seems to me that ship's AIs that have female voices rarely try to kill of the human crew. If I am wrong, please feel free to quote the example. Say I am right (yaay me), then the philosophical question arises (ala sound made by a tree that falls with no witnesses in uninhabited forest) - Is it the gender of the voice of the hypothetical AI that determine its penchant for extermination of the humans?

Not only can’t systems speak like us, they don’t get our speech. Anyone who has struggled with a voice activated dialing in a supposedly hands free mobile or user of automated voice service in any customer service dept of telephone provider, bank etc (random institution/corporation) knows how frustrating and steadfastly unhelpful it is to deal with an entity that needs coding to 'listen & understand' your speech.

Familiar scenario - commands of 'Call Mom' [fervently repeated] results in 'Dialing Ron' (aka your boss who thinks you're hospitalized for the last week largely due to the email you had sent to him earlier) and ends in raged epithets that further urges the phone to Dial Tuck, Fitch and Lestrade. Or consider this - how very often do you come across people walking with their bluetooth headsets on screaming ' NO!' when a calm voice on the other side says 'You've selected to check-in 8 pieces of luggage. Please confirm by saying Yes or No' when all that the customer person wanted to do, was track schedule of the flight they were to take?

My current source of mirth is the speech to text or Automatic Transcribe feature and going by Voice, I would say it’s not very successful. Speech is very individual (like finger, toe and nose prints). That is why de-individualized people are often shown robot like in speech (not going to loop back to sci-fi references, I promise. Mainly because there are far too many for my exploding brain to rationally pick from). You can have a bunch of people that speak similarly but never exactly the same. Intonations, Accents and physical irregularities of the speaker can cause the same words to sound different. It would be very unsettling to have uniform speech because that would intend standardization of tone, verbiage and other parameters like speed, pitch and pauses which usually give us the depth/meaning to the actual content as harbingers of the non-verbal part of the communication. But I digress, the point central here is that current system cannot even correctly identify the verbiage of what is being said, let alone comprehend the meaning or information in the words.

This probably is why voice activated security systems are limited to very few words because any more and the speaker cannot render them the same way every time. Imagine being locked out of your own secure place by a system that doesn’t think your current repeat of Mark Anthony’s 'I've not come to praise Caesar' speech from Julius Caesar matches with the recording you made when you set up the security lock in the first place. Conversely, mimics can definitely say a few words to match a voice printed password...so this means of security is not good enough (yet).

One could argue that writing is as individual as well but it adapts better to the world dominated by the internet because it doesn't involve translation by a soulless entity (not talking about non-english languages here because that warrants a entire post) and increasingly more so because written language is shrinking rapidly due to the unchallenged invasion of pre-pubescents/teens on the internet and in mobile communications. They hate long drawn out sentences, grammar and any semblance to actual spelling. After all they are so very busy that it’s not reasonable for them to not brutally mutate the English language. BTW (and not withstanding acronyms) the youth have yet to corrupt the spoken language nearly as much. A teenaged relative may have her fbk status as 'waz siked bffs cud cum 2 da party!' but on the phone she verbalizes the content with the same sounds associated with the words - 'was','psyched', 'the', 'could', 'to' and 'come' [soft sigh of relief].

Let’s switch back from teens to machines because I would rather deal with Cylons any day than the erratic, hormone powered roller coasters, spawned by humans, in their intermediate growth states. Associative memory helps to interpret speech correct when we are just talking about words here (thus taking away non content parameters from current scenario or simplifying the scenario) in humans, so the best way to build the system to work that way would be neural networks with artificial intelligence programming constructs that 'learns' each word from all possible variations of how that word can be spoken. This database will be nearly infinite and will add to its rosters on a daily basis but the system itself will have to 'grow' to be able to transcribe and will still be susceptible to breaks.

You cant make a machine version of the human ear+audio processing of brain+memories/learning...but you can strive to make something close and the current stages of this feature are below even the most basic, infantile standards that can be set by the world's kindest judge (which I am not even close to by a infinitely long shot).

Piece of gyan related to non-human systems & human voices - Don't argue with the GPS Lady when you are driving-1. she is programmed to always be right & 2. You look like (and probably are) a crazy person.

We speak therefore we exist,

Rain

Disconnecting starts now...

2010-04-12T00:20:00.001-04:00

Things I'll miss about living away from America:
1. Smug Jewish Comedians giving me the daily/weekly dosage of irony, sarcasm and intentionaly poorly veiled double entendre. Or in 2 words - Jon Stewart.
2. Icecream and Chocolate cake for breakfast with a side of seasoned fries.
3. My dream library - whatever books and dvds I want that can be picked up at the place and time convenient to me. For free. [Long live NYPL]
4. Black Coffee. The more the merrier.
5. Seasons- Fall, Spring, Winter.
6. Having a night life without unintentionally screaming- "I am an unmarried adult woman out after sundown. I'm asking for it! Do your very worst."
7. I am a clothes size small petite here.
8. Living my life entirely online. Watching my TV there.
9. Maggi being the staple food of the NRI. Add the soy sauce.
10. No one accuses you of being a "Peter" or a "Mary" when you are most fluent in english.
11. Comic Book stores with washed Aquaman Tees.
Aquaman being the lamest super hero in the entire known set of multiple universes.
12. Washing literally dirty linen in a public laundromat in full view of all strangers who choose to look your way. Yes, that is my underwear.
13. Celebrities cycle into you randomly when you are just trying to cross the street on the way to office. Or sit in the table next to your when you are out having lunch. FYI. I always meet celebrities in the airports on my India trips. 100% successful track record.
14. Usage of double negetives -"You ain't got nothin' " and double positives - "Yeah right!" in everyday talk.

...more to come...

Want to help me by adding to this?

disengaging slowly,

Rain

Magical Realism

2010-03-21T17:55:00.002-04:00

Dionysia Circle, 28, died in a freak accident while performing practicals of Apparation Course as she reappeared on to the path of a runaway thestral, 2 feet away from the emergence area.

Ms.Circle who moved to London to study magic after 6 years of IT service industry work was remembered as a enthusiastic student who was older than most teachers at Hogwarts Magical Education of the Elderly program.

She is known to have frequently remarked that learning to apparate would reduce the onsite-offshore resourcing charges not to mention any travel related per diems leading to competitive quotes that translate to more projects thus increasing profitability margins in the third quarter results of the IT company. "Classic Di", remarked one of her apparating class friends," so funny with her irreverent jokes that no body got except that they were absurd and made up words!".

Her apparation ed teacher Mr. Silverfield commented on the unfortunate circumstances of her death. "Quite senseless it was", he grumbled from disgust, "there it was galloping away, minding its own business when she apparated right in front of it, scaring the beejeezs out of the poor thing". He went on to mention that if she had reappeared within the marked circle, the exercise on completion of which she would've gotten her license, the needless Thestral Trauma could have been avoided. "All she needed to do was be less of a cretin but noooo". This is the first recorded case of magical death from being a cretin.

The statistics of trampling accidents involving invisible creatures is growing and so are drunk/underage/unskilled apparating related accidents. Since Ms.Circle's sad demise fits on the union of 2 such large sets, it stands to reason that it would be all the more likely.

The thestral involved, Inviorse, has been admitted for intensive therapy to examine why its feelings of unadequacy about its appearance (wanting to look more like a unicorn), a bane from the media images beamed into every home, lead to its running indiscriminately into a field marked for apparation practice. "Tell me about your mother", we overheard its therapist asking of Invi, as its known to friends. Dr.Fried was addressing the blank space on the opposite corner of the thestral and had to be physically turned around, by our news team, to face his invisible patient.

The IT service company has issued a statement saying "BCP will be implemented and We are happy to announce the Cathbert HR plan to reanimate Ms.Circle's corpse so that she may track to schedule on her allotted tasks after the short rejuvinating vacation provided by the Thestral incident".

My so called names

2010-03-12T01:04:00.004-05:00

Having just read a fluff piece in Telegraph UK about having a drab forgettable name which people tend to substitute with another drab name when in conversation; I suddenly recalled a couple of times when I was named on the go.

These were two most worth remembering among the countless other times that I have been called other names (most often by my sister's name).

First incident was when I was talking to a friend who I was supposed to meet at church for the midnight mass (first time), that we were going to as a group, more than a year ago.

When I expressed concern at being the first to arrive, not knowing if I would be let in, being hindu and also not a parishioner of that church, he said "If someone asks, introduce yourself as Lilly"

I was transfixed by this and questioned, albeit inanely "Why Lilly?" to which he replied "Well, you seem like a Lilly."

A short time after that, while still basking in the glow of understanding that I had been compared to a serene flower, I found out that Lilly is usually the short form of Lilith who happens to be Adam's first wife who left him because she refused to let even God dictate that he was better than her in anyway and (or perhaps therefore called) a demoness to boot.

Additionally, she is known to be a succubus and a very prolific mother. Now I really liked that I seem like a Lilly. Pretty sure P (my feckless friend and Lilly Namer) had no inkling of all this but I like to think I naturally inspire people to acknowledge my independence and female power.

The second anecdote is from last fall when I was exploring the cramped, confusing stair cases in the USS Intrepid very close to lock up time when a guy from a separate group asked me to not go away alone to places that seem deserted.

In his defence it was days to Halloween and he seemed high as a kite - potent combination for paranoia.

"Because if we were the last to see you", he explained, "and they would say", then assuming what I think was his idea of a cop voice he continued with, " what did you see..."

He reverted abruptly to his normal voice with the inquiry of, "what is your name?".

Then just as suddenly, without a pause, he replied to his own question with an utterance"..Isabella ".

I had not said anything at all and to this day I wonder how and why he pulled 'Isabella' from what appeared to be thin air.

Going back the story, the guy proceeded unimpeded by anyone present,"So cops would ask -what did you last see Isabella do and we would say she was climbing down some creepy stairs to a dark room, all alone...we told her but noooo...Isabella just smiled".

That unceremonious end of the sentence was our clue that some slasher movie bimbo blonde's fate befalls this Isabella girl who dared to walk down to an exhibit of the first officers room on a New York landmark at 6 PM in the evening of a busy weekend.

I laughed merrily with all of them and the group moved away with their parting wishes of "Bye, Isabella!", "Isabella, Take Care now" and "don't go anywhere I wouldn't go, Iz" [which I guess means I can go anywhere else except where I was currently headed]

It is really interesting to me that an average melatonin challenged american group would find me to be a 'Isabella'. Surely that seems so very classic italian or spanish?

Very often people speak to me in spanish, mistaking me for a fellow Mexican, near the Mexican embassy, which is on my walking route to work. But that the extent of my international look.

Did those people think I was mexican, one called 'Isabella'? The likelihood they would've called me 'Maria' is more. Sad but true. All of us stereotype.

Where they so sloshed off their minds that I looked like a white Isabella to them? Possibly but only if they had spent quite a lot of time and effort getting to a physically ambulatory yet mentally LSD-ized state.

Did I remind that guy of someone he knew named Isabella? Far more likely. And it even seemed like the whole group knew this Isabella and were okay with her. even friendly.

I wonder what you (that is basically anyone) would call me if you didn't already know my name.

This would give a huge insight into what the namer thinks of the namee. If you thought someone was a Jane or Jim you probably think they are boring or conventional while someone you think is distinguished and interesting looking you would pick Portia or Adrian.

I should probably trademark this idea for a psychological profile or test. Anyway, I hereby state that I (not Lilly, not Isabella) came up with this idea right here and you read it in my blog first so if anyone uses this idea better find me and buy the idea from me or face my wrath.

Abstract-

A sample set of strangers are flashed on screen, the photo of the subject and asked to associate a name with that. they will additionally be asked on what factors did they think the subject qualified to that name like - cultural context, personal association, stereotype, stoned (therefore no f*king idea why)

As a control to those findings, a group of equal number of acquaintances (not too close) should be repeating the same activity with the subject's photo.

There should also be multiple subjects in each session so that any extreme variances in the findings can be compared to the readings of the non-main subjects.

The interpretation of the results will be a separate project in itself to ensure that each picked name is taken in consideration with all factors concerning the name picker and the country/ethnic background.

For example, I wouldn't pick Priya or Divya to be very exotic but everyone in this country (not of east asian descent) would look at a mysterious beauty (without any Anglo Saxon features) and associate her with that option.

Who knows? It may even have applications in understanding race relations in mixed demographics that our world is increasingly becoming.

inventor of WhatNameCanPeopleSpeculateYouHave(a mere placeholder for future cool name) psych profile,

Rain

Future Gen-e-us ?

2010-03-12T00:59:00.003-05:00

Ever since I read about the life cycle of the stars I imagine this scenario in my mind a lot.

The idea of using genome to separate the grain from the chaff, which is the leading moral question about genetics lends itself to such a future situation...

if this is the present, I would like to return it please!

Rain

What the Frac (tal)

2010-03-12T00:28:00.004-05:00

I have recently begun reading a column about maths in the NY Times.

Considering my love of physics and space and the contradictory dislike of maths...I realize I am softening my stand on the number side of things with this advancing in age!

Strange but true,

Rain

Luck and Love

2010-03-04T19:10:00.002-05:00

It was Lent season, Fat Tuesday came before Ash Wednesday.
On Fat tuesday, there is a special cake made called the King Cake and figure of baby Jesus is put into the cake. Whoever uncovers the figure when they take a piece are supposed to have the luck for the year.
I cut into the whole cake (previously uncut) and in the very first piece saw the tiny plastic legs of the baby sticking out and therefore picked out the figure and am the owner of all luck for 2010.
This surprising show of luck comes in the (almost) heels of me winning the lucky draw at the Holiday Party in december 09 (I think of it as Christmas still).

This leads me to think on a bigger picture question. So far in my life, all my problems have been little and I have had zero short term/small sized luck.
Upside being that whenever there was potential for me to be in deep muck (about twice) I've had a miraclous smooth sailing when the way emerges out of nowhere (which I call good karma and grace of god) that everyone is happy with.
But now that I am sinking into pretty deep muck (best way to describe it without getting explicit) and do need a helping hand into all that is great and good, I am getting this small installments of luck which do make for immediate gratification but have no impact on the overall quality of my life.
That has me worried.

This is the oft heard puzzle/joke/question - if you had a choice between small payouts peppered more frequently through time (with an unstated addendum of you being left to your own devices for any crap that you might get subjected to) or substantial bonuses that come between larger periods of small difficulties (that are well within your limits of tolerance/being able to overcome it)
what would you rather pick?
It seems to greedy to expect to have both short term and long term luck, so we will leave that option out of the pick.

I passed get another made up day that causes a lot of unnecessary grief among my peers in this country with stereotypical company of my own self.
Let another few years go by and the stereotype would be for me to start collecting cats and treating them like people;I am a cat person (but also jell well with dogs, cattle, birds...other species) and proclivity to a conclusion that seems both foregone and dreadful is not pleasant to consider.
To amuse myself on this Hallmark (the company) day, I resorted to watching and reading like I do for the rest of the thankfully ordinary days.
Valentine's Day (the movie) was predictably bland and lifeless. My pattern for picking the one guy as a hawt one and him inevitably being a gay character...continues.
But on the reading front, happily, I am rediscovering my taste for poetry.
Due to my natural pull towards anything celt (I must have been scots-irish in some previous birth), I randomly started reading Robert Burns (To quote "Better off Ted"-Irish drink too much and write overly depressing poetry)a few weeks ago and felt great resonance to his take on life/love in "Thine am I, my faithful fair" (which I always remember wrongly as Thine I am)-
What is life when wanting Love?
Night without a morning:
Love's the cloudless summer sun,
Nature gay adorning.
In poetry, Love is always associated with sunshine and warmth and Depression (or sadness) with darkness and cold. Scientists have shown links between night owl teenagers (who I used to be before I became a night owl adult)who rise late and miss the sunshine being less effective and happy.
I guess either poets had a scientific observation or that its just common instinctive sense of what goes together.
But getting back to the quote above, I liked the imagery evoked. I am in no hurry to get back to Sylvia Plath (Daddy was dark!) because I would like to not get to that place (like ever).
My 'embrace the inner darkness' phase is gone or atleast waning so I don't want to encourage anything that will increase its potency. I mostly want it gone because the people I interact with (not at professional capacity) are clueless to deal with the likes of me in the full throes of delirious joy from acceptance of my inner demons.
Its predictably disturbing to them. I might as well go goth all the way for the kind of unease I inspire in them even in a faceless interface like a text chat.

My sis and poet/blogger sent me some Pablo Neruda poems yesterday. She is well versed in espaniol (writing, reading and speaking) and enjoys spanish language movies and songs.
I recently saw "Like Water For Chocolate" (subtitles!) and I didn't like it at all [interestingly, the lead made king cake in the movie]. Magical realism doesn't go well with me which is also why I was left with a bad taste in the mouth after completing "Mistress of spices".
Spanish literature seems strewn with that keyword ('magical realism'...not 'mistress' you dirty dirty thing you). I didn't like 'Love at the time of cholera' but did like 'One hundred years of solitude'. So I approach Neruda with the mindset(its unfair but I am a bad bad girl) that I will probably not find the resonance I feel when I read (say)"Passionate Shepard to his love".
I mean, C'mon - "Come live with me and be my love and all the pleasures we will prove." what beats that? [mind turns to mush and subject starts drooling]. That one hits the spot every time.
Ol Shakesy is pretty good too. I read his poem on Aphrodite called "Venus and Adonis" that interestingly gave a backstory to why love is also so much pain; she apparently curses after Adonis dies (foolishly, not heeding her words...[men!!!])-
'Since thou art dead, lo, here I prophesy:
Sorrow on love hereafter shall attend:
It shall be waited on with jealousy,
Find sweet beginning, but unsavoury end,
Ne'er settled equally, but high or low,
That all love's pleasure shall not match his woe.

'It shall be fickle, false and full of fraud,
Bud and be blasted in a breathing-while;
The bottom poison, and the top o'erstraw'd
With sweets that shall the truest sight beguile:
The strongest body shall it make most weak,
Strike the wise dumb and teach the fool to speak.

'It shall be sparing and too full of riot,
Teaching decrepit age to tread the measures;
The staring ruffian shall it keep in quiet,
Pluck down the rich, enrich the poor with treasures;
It shall be raging-mad and silly-mild,
Make the young old, the old become a child.

'It shall suspect where is no cause of fear;
It shall not fear where it should most mistrust;
It shall be merciful and too severe,
And most deceiving when it seems most just;
Perverse it shall be where it shows most toward,
Put fear to valour, courage to the coward.

'It shall be cause of war and dire events,
And set dissension 'twixt the son and sire;
Subject and servile to all discontents,
As dry combustious matter is to fire:
Sith in his prime Death doth my love destroy,
They that love best their loves shall not enjoy.'

How very true...huh? Pretty Awesome!!!
You'd think for someone who likes his work and who's thinking around the theme of V day, I would put in a good word for the seminal 'Romeo and Juliet'.
But fat chance my dear...I remember reading out passionate lines from that very play to Jay and B in the library, while all 3 of us were bubbling in mirth. Yes, we are the kind of people who laugh when Juliet looks at the dead body of her love and chides him for not leaving her any poison.
Judge away. Play was well written and everything, I just find young love comical; they were 15 yrs old for gods sake! at that age we were worried about school and exams...not comparing anyone to a freaking summer's day.The more intense or earnest they got, the more funny it was (is?) to us.
Think a line from Valentines Day sums it up best - Young Love...so impractical.
Back then, in school, my taste in poetry ran more into the intensely religious William Blake stuff and the other extreme...the very wonderful, light tone of Ogden Nash's poetic take on everything from going to the dentist to mosquitoes.

Coming back to the V theme, I am listening in a loop for weeks together to the song Cosmic Love by Florence and the Machine. It has very dark lyrics on the subject of feelings for a lover that attracts me-
"The Sun, The Moon, They have all been blown out
You've left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight;
In the shadows of your heart."

and also - " So darkness I became"
Ladies, this is a must when you are trying to accept your rage against a one who is senselessly dropping laundry around the house (for you to pick up, presumably) when all you want to do is love him, having given up practically your entire life.
Guys, you will not like it. But if you do, let me know...you might be worth knowing (or going by my pattern - gay; but still worth knowing)

In all, I am thankful for the little luck, presence of love and support (regardless of lack of the cupidy, red colored, heart shaped kind) and the abundance of knowledge and creative art (learning & expressing) for me to feast on for the rest of my life.
These are my joys and I am truly grateful to have them.

Also On 23rd Feb...I went to the taping of the show that comes on night after night (yet not called the nightly show) and blurted inadvertently loud words of love to the host and he returned the words sweetly (and made up pretty much the entire 28 yrs that I have spent not saying anything romantic). Thankfully those are my lovely memories and were not shot on camera or broadcast.

I am definitely the lucky one :)
Rain

Pretender

2010-01-15T09:30:00.007-05:00

Its that time of the year again when I announce my latest crush, although mid life is hardly an appropriate time for this, I am exceptional. Ta Da! The Pretender was a cool series that I used to watch when I was in middle school (very early teens) and immediately liked the premise and the leads enough to never have forgotten it.
Fast forward to a few years later (ok...quite a few) and Hulu was hosting the entire first season of this Show expiring by New year eve. So I did the marathon watching and it was a joy.

For one thing, Jarod (the hero, pretender, genius) suddenly struck me as being amazingly attractive in my rewatch. Surprise gave way to reason when I considered that I had had my puberty this time around and hence noticed.

Come 2010, Hulu put up season 2 and I was hooked all the way until the season finale. Then I couldn't bear to wait till Apr & Aug 2010 for seasons 3 & 4. I needed immediate gratification. So I plunged into research and found out that there were 2 movies out after season 4 (which had only raised more questions and wasn't a logical endpoint to the story).
Age and erosion of story line was apparent (as was bad hairstyling advice) in the 2 movies which I was able to get my hands on but I watched anyway until the 2nd movie (which came out in 2001) concluded with a LOTR/Matrix melange with Jarod as the Neo/One.
Sigh...great expectations crashed and burned.

But yes the end result is that, Michael T Weiss from 1994-2000 (when he was in early 30s) is my new crush (note how specific I am of which timeframe in the life of the guy I have a crush on) and a testimony to the shallowness of my character that I don't nearly encourage or feed enough.
As a result of the strong interest in this very hunky person (did I mention the deep bass voice, dimples accompanying smiles with eye crinkling and cheekbone and jaw structure of a superhero? No? How remiss of me!), I have watched a made for TV movie(Mary Higgins Clark's 'Remember Me' where he is not the hero),2 episodes of Justice League (voice of Etrigan/Jason Blood) and Disney's Tarzan & Jane (animated, voice of Tarzan). All in the last 18 hours.
I'm dreading 'Jeffrey',the movie I have ordered that is in transit to me, where he played the romantic lead of the protagonist after whom the movie was named (yes, its 'that' kind of movie).
Like a car crash, I dont like it but I can't look away. Also the DVD of a cheesy looking detective movie 'Written in blood' (he is the lead) is also expected any day now...I am gamely going to get through it despite the worst hairstyle of all time on an otherwise striking man.

Phew...lets have some substance after all that fluff, shall we?
I loved the titles to the science articles in today's papers (not the wrap your groceries kind of newspapers) -
Y chromosome not stagnating, men not idiots
As shameful as it may seem and being a self confessed quisling to my gender, I have to admit that the smartest people (offputting academic successes are not considered; just the cool ones) I have met and liked are predominantly male. So I didnt think there was never any danger of men being idiots.
One track minded (a track that is fated to disappear?), for sure, but not idiots.
Rather than stagnation, I was worried more about complete vanishing of the 2 sexes biology of human kind which is not discounted with the new discovery that Y chromosomes are rapidly evolving. Also, if they evolve too fast for us (the women) to parallel, we may even reach a point where men and women differentiate as a species; Which will bring us back to parthenogenesis as the only way to foster survival (so sad!)
No immediate danger, I think. But then, change is the only constant [I hate that phrase. HATE IT.]

Doomsday Clock to be reset 10am EST today
This wonderful device has been at 11.55 PM since 2007 (maybe even from cold war era) for fear of nuclear annihilation of the planet and they are resetting it to 10 AM. Rejoice, world. Me...I will live each day as if it were the last (by over eating and copious escapist media) because too many nations are "Nuclear" without sharing a responsible outlook.
The official survivor of 2 atom bombings died in japan last week and SNL joked that he coined the phrase - Oh no! Not Again. [ROTFL]
But its quite likely that in my lifetime I may have to survive some sort of inter continental, high heat war/attacks regardless of which part of the world I live in. Anti missile missiles are being announced by the nations of the world (our desh & China...which I guess means NKorea, Iran and Pak also to state the obvious) on an almost daily basis and I think...this is an infinite loop isnt it?
Some enterprising soul will definitely have thought of creating the Anti- Anti missile missiles and pretty soon we will be seeing the positive x axis increase of N plotting where N is the power to which Anti is repeated. So I say- Be Afraid. Be very afraid.
Make it 11.56 PM on the Doomsday clock, ye fools. Start kissing people goodbye as many times as you can (or shake hands...up to you)

Half A Million Bathe In India's Ganges
Kumbh Mela is here again and I am too far away to even get a sprinkle of the gangajal on me...its all Hudson all the way with me. Makara Sankranthi is upon us, my people. Happy Pongal.
Even otherwise I encourage everyone to bathe. Its a good practice that keep man from being an anti-social animal.

TGIF!
Rain

Memories of 15 years ago

2009-11-28T21:26:00.005-05:00

I added Hulu to my blog's editable links as a nod to the great service it provides people like me (who's roommates will not split cable costs). Over the course of the better part of this year, it has given me access to the latest in must see TV(Jon Stewart & Colbert Report) and the rest of TV. Since the two greatest pundits are on Thanksgiving break, I had to dig into the archives for something else to occupy the time in between my sleeping breaks and found for myself, the full seasons of REMINGTON STEELE.

It took me back to a time when I was in my early teens and did things like free hand draw the skulls of all the primate ancestors for social science projects. I didn't have cable TV.

Apparently my Social Science teacher was impressed enough with my free hand drawing skills to ask us to make a larger version of the tree on which the skulls were arranged for the 25th year of school exhibition.

My school friend Varalakshmi asked me over and we had the very best time at her house having finished the project within the first hour or so (my free hand sketching skills peaked early apparently), we spent the rest of the day watching cable tv - M.A.S.H (love the oh so droll Hawkeye) and the Around the world in 80 days miniseries starring the same handsome man (said she) who was'Remington Steele'.

Pray tell, said I,what a Remington Steele is (I peaked early on Shakespeare based stage acting also). We also discovered a common passion for the Rat Pack, especially Ol Blue eyes Sinatra; now that I think about it, its extremely fascinating for a 13 year olds from madras of the early 90s to have that particular taste. But that is for another discussion.

I think I can still recall Vara's excited rendition of the premise behind the masterful plot of Remington Steele; the woman PI who for getting business in a man's world invented a Boss called (guess) and in walks this suave guy who answers to that very name. He is never able to solve the cases, Laura does all the work but he BSes (we didn't swear back then so I'm paraphrasing) his way out of the episode finales.

I hate smarmy, uppity creatures. Still do.

I sincerely mistrust anyone who's hair is perfectly brushed at all times.

Also feel violent dislike for anyone who smiles with lips pulled back at just one side.

Remington Steele was all these things and then some.

Nevertheless, it was great fun catching a blast from the past; especially since it ties with my memories of Vara. We've not met since end of school and I heard from unverified sources that she is married and with kid(s) in the states.

Hope you are having fun, Varalakshmi.

Rain

The Fountain

2009-11-27T01:23:00.004-05:00

The movie is intense, creepy and a total trip.

Stories interweave into each other, the central narrative of a Doctor researching tumor removing medicines for his dying writer wife blends mystically into imaginings of her last book which has the same title as the movie, about spanish conquistador's(who's name is the same as the research doctor) in the mayan jungles looking for the tree of life for his Queen (who has the same name as the wife). In between these two parallels are the indescribable scenes of an ageless man tending the drying tree of life encapsulated in a bubble that is hurling in the heavens towards shibalba. The effect was deeply spiritual and personal at the same time.

Rachel Weisz does a neat essay as the obsession of the protagonist and the whole surprise package (other than the fact that I liked it) is Hugh Jackman's portrayal as the grieving husband, his emotions raw and painful.

The haunting imagery hits so close home that it brought goosebumps- first snow, writing witha black fountain pen, stargazing, an unfinished novel and a ring that connects (which goes missing).

The last 20 minutes of the movie were possibly result of a cocktail of drugs taken together and the visions recorded but they just blew my mind. The A-ha moment of the movie is quite literally - memento mori. Birth from Death. Love Forever.

"All these years, all these memories, there was you. You pulled me through time."

Death is something I've never been able to accept or face bravely so this movie was quite an intense journey for me. The beautiful and ethereal background score just heightened the experience. This was a brilliant movie.

We will live forever,

Rain

The place of the silent 'T'

2009-11-07T01:41:00.003-05:00

I love The Colbert Report and I think Stephen Colbert rocks.
D and I went to the taping last month and it was everything we expected it to be - funny, smart and entertaining. But I should definitely state my disappointment with Stephen himself.

Don't get me wrong, he was a comedy king that evening like he is always. He rocked a monologue that was an utter tongue twister with literally no practice because that was a last minute rewrite. He has to be a genius to have pulled it off so flawlessly.

Subsequently, he certainly deserves the rock star treatment but it felt sad that people who make sense to you , who you spend so much time following on TV and twitter and who you really like are just so very distant and not as friendly as you'd expect. [Also we were made to stand for nearly 3 hours before the shooting started and I'm still having the swelling on my ankles from the strain]
:(
This is why I hate meeting celebrities.
Living in the big apple, I have run into more than my due of famous and beautiful people and I'm still yet to meet one who is actually nice in person.

I'll be going to the Jon Stewart show taping next month.
I adore the man, so I will just go there, scream my support and come back after enjoying the show. I won't expect him to take time to talk to the audience or connect with every day people.

(Also won't pray hard that the guest should be Daniel Craig and then be disappointed again)
Rain

Browsing away

2009-11-03T22:09:00.005-05:00

Now that I am back to living on my own with nary a soul to care for my well being or being at all, in this entire side of the world...I am also back to living online. Amidst waiting for my family to log in and enquire what's up with me every 12 hours (and my responding with "nothing" each and every time) I browse around picking up a million things (all useless, I am sure) I find interesting.

My space geek and a sci-fi nut side (which is practically the whole of me) totally loved and identified with this article... so read it -

http://blogs.discovery.com/space_disco/2009/10/5-frightening-but-true-space-stories.html

Nothing like a true creepy space story to chill you on a fall halloween weekend!

I'm a bit of a fan boy but not really a nerd because I am not very knowledgable in gadgets - their use, manufacture, need, alternatives or troubleshooting. This is shameful because I work in the related field and am popularly viewed (very mistakenly) among the masses as a pundit of sorts, probably because I used to wear glasses until recently and have a lot of forehead lines. But even a false gadget nerd like me was interested by this very illuminating article because of how sheerly relevant it was -

http://gizmodo.com/5391271/giz-explains-why-every-country-has-a-different-fing-plug

Having forked out a gazillion dollars on electronics for my family, I estimate atleast an equivalent sum has been invested back home in just purchasing adapters for using the stuff bought here. Awesome.

Not all of my current soaking of information has been pleasant. There are always these weeds that are increasingly populating the garden that is the world wide web. Some real life low-lives and definition of douche bags who are "the story" in all news and/or other sites. Idiots who can't keep it in their pants and get famous for that, morons who leave their families and pretend they are 17, 2 young people who are a couple or just "good friends",who split and unsplit alternating every day and may or may not be pregnant.

I would love it if they went away somewhere and never came back. I refuse to mention their names and increase the hits when some airheaded preteen googles them instead of spending her time learning, playing sports or spending time with her family. So There.

It would do to get some global perspective if the energies devoted to the above could be redirected. Standards need to be raised all around. People are not stupid. They don't have to be treated like they are. Then it becomes a self fullfilling prophecy.

Its quite appalling that a person with any diction and hold of grammar is considered condescending and superlicious. This I see increasingly in op-ed columns and article comments; for example use of "Herewith" was condemned by almost a whole angry e-mob. Get out the pitchforks, why dont you?

Another deeply upsetting occurrance is the frequency and the quality of the updates of your loved ones on social networking sites. Someone who keeps uploading pictures of herself by the tanker-ful (accompanied by a bunch of creepy friends who put in comments on all of those 2 trillion photos with just nano seconds between the upload and the posting) thus displaying the nympho side of herself, people who find Farmville/Mafia/<> addictive (OMG! I really tried to get on level with that but simply can't get myself to do this.), a blood relative who takes all quizzes that make you cringe and proudly publishes the results to those (and that person's accompanying set of obsessed fans who immediately comment on the update).

I am very seriously considering retiring from both the sites I currently am active in for the fear of turning into one of the above from just prolonged use. These people are ones I know/raised from babyhood/adore in real life and their social networking personas are insulting to them in complete contrast to how intelligent and talented they actually are.

God knows I havent been the best judge or made the correct calls always. Its a lifelong process.

Far from perfect but learning little everyday,

Rain

View from the top

2009-08-30T18:34:00.003-04:00

I did it.

I finally moved and it just so happened, my room is at the last floor of a high rise.

I sit here and see blue skies and clouds outside my window. I see office from here.

Sure the getting the elevator and having it stop in each and every floor till there is no oxygen left is a huge test in the patience that I don't really have but I'm on top now.

As small as this room is, its entirely mine. That is just brilliant.

Still settling in,

Rain

Inevitability of Ugly Singleton Invisibility

2009-08-01T01:27:00.003-04:00

As an amateur social theorist, a watcher of human relations and with my experiences of being myself...I've had certain consistent results come through, over a period of time, based on which I have come to the conclusion that under some specific conditions a person can become invisible or even completely disappear.

Here's my pseudocode for this condition:

(AGE >= x) &

(STATUS = 'SINGLE') &

(LOOKS IN ('UGLY','FAT','NOT CUTE'))

THEN

{

DISAPPEAR_FLAG = 'Y' WHERE GROUP = 'ALL_FRIENDS';

OVERRIDE_DISAPPEAR = 'Y' WHERE GROUP IN ('FAMILY','TROUBLE@WORK','BILL_PAYMENTS')

}

ELSE

{

DISAPPEAR_FLAG = 'N';--FOR ALL GROUP

OVERRIDE_DISAPPEAR = 'Y'; --FOR ALL GROUP

}

The silver lining for this is that the blurring of existence is only on the physical plane.

In cyberspace you are as alive as the frequency of your social networking/microblogging site updates.

That way you can have friends who'll know what you are up to without them actually having to be with you (or care in the very least).

And that works great for them.

Here's my semi-autobiographical panel-

Restless legs, dead inside

2009-07-23T21:36:00.000-04:00

The west wind is speaking to me again and not in a way that would require me to undergo schizophrenia therapy; its a reference to 'Chocolat' which is a great movie. I am getting the restless legs indicative of dusting up my luggage and moving on to a heretofore undiscovered frontier.

Should it be a permanent move back? Would it just be a month long vacation to my home? Or is it indicative of some divine/heavenly change in my destiny?

Dont Know.

All I know is that something has to change somewhere. If its not forthcoming on its own then I will initiate it.

You see, along with Restless legs comes the baseless courage of the extremely brave and the totally stupid, to just take a plunge along the edge of the waterfall and see where it takes you.

The very minimum risks that I used balk at are not even appearing to me (in my current mindset) worthy of pondering for a second more.

It could well be that I am so tired of stagnancy that I would rather run the odds of going bust than just stay where I am.

Also, I miss my family. I haven't seen them in nearly two years now and of late, I feel very incomplete by myself.

This statement would shock my sister [at the very minimum] because we are not a very openly emotional or affectionate family. But even she knows that jokes apart we are bound by everything from genetics to metaphysics (spiritual).

It didn't help repair my mood to have spent this last saturday meeting my college mates (all married and talking kids),playing a couple of cutie-pie little girls at different points of the day(their respective mothers are younger than me) and meeting the parents-in law of B (who's sooo very svelte - she should be in the movies).

On the contrary, it might have excerbated the situation making me feel more disconnected with my current life and very dissatisfied.

Quite obviously there is great scope for crash and burn and very little good that can come from decisions made now.

But I feel like if I miss this bus, ignore this tidal wave sweeping within me and let it peak and crash without any break from routine that I would miss the proverbial knock of opputuinity.

That I would condemn myself to the hell of regularity.

My reactions to the present are so violent I actually feel very nauseous right now when I letting myself feel.

Reminds me of the character of Rochette in 'Public Enemies' (it was cool) who gets entangled with John Dillinger knowingly when he's been declared 'Public Enemy #1' in the country.

She explains to him that she lived in the reservation where nothing happened and moved out to her Aunty's for sometime where again nothing happened, till she finally came to Prohibition era Chicago and became a coat-check girl.

Quite obviously, that was not a very good call she made becoming 'his girl' [how very deliciously archaic!] considering she was intelligent enough to always know how things would turn out eventually.

And despite all my strong feelings on boredom and monotony of my life, I am not likely to strike up romance with some known felon...the desparate, reactive move could be on some other front.

Right now we have an all out battle between my self-preservation instinct and the combined forces of outrage over negetive career growth, homesickness, jealousy and boredom.

In the meanwhile, I am supressing all the negetivity in me which prevents me from appreciating anything wholesome.

I didn't even like 'Ice Age 3' because I am dead inside [Couple of ladies assured me that its not so on Fbk butI know better]

I am listless, vapid, impatient, angry and prone to shrewish behavior. I fear having become one of those perennially frustrated spinsters that everyone hates.

Like a bird caught in a cage, a fly tied to a web...awaiting slow torture and bad results but unable to get away. Threshing and spuring but sinking faster into the quicksand.

"Boredom is an emptiness filled with insistence."

Rain

The Empire that struck my fancy

2009-07-23T21:34:00.000-04:00

An Indian cannot but help being slightly British. Why else would a three year old in Madras be taught to sing about the calamities that befell UK - London Bridge is falling down & Ring-a-ring-a-Roses?

Why would the only english language books in any library for children under 10 be only comprised of the works of Enid Blyton and Beatrix Potter ?

And speaking of Potter - You know how magic crazy the desi muggles are because most of you have contributed to the wealth of J.K.Rowling.

The Brits laid out the concepts behind our educational system and bureaucracy (thanks for that) amongst other things.

Our spelling and use of language is more British than anything else, although to be fair English is taken on more desi words and sounds like our cup of chai.

I personally could never think of them neutrally (like I would think of a Swiss person) because of their penchant for grabbing whatever they could lay their hands on regardless of the consequences for the grabee.

It seemed to me that maybe they had no respect for anyone besides anything to do with them. You can well understand the resentment,my country had a British Empress once and we are Indian.

Conversely, we were always having cosy, fraternal feelings for the US. They seemed more easy going and had broken off from Britain (adds points to them) and like us spoke english with their native twist.

America gave us Hollywood and Wall Street - 2 things known to every common Indian. The US accent became very familiar to the average desi and there was a phase in our high school when the creme-de-la-creme decided to sport afore mentioned accent just because.

I was extremely comfortable with books and movies from the US, being predominantly, an English speaker because they were more famous, fun,widespread and available.

There then came I time when I started living here in the US and felt right at home with everything (almost).

Until now I never thought about the British except for news snippets with British Primeministers or some adventure of the Royal Family.

Then things changed. My work was in its ending phase and with the voluntary ouster of a colleague, I was made a offer for a position in the UK.

Nothing was known and the position itself was not confirmed, it was just a possibility. I started reading the UK and Ireland editions of Google News.

BBC browsing became a routine and I actually have downloaded lessons on speaking Scottish Gaelic in my system.

I borrowed 'Mind Your Language' DVDs from the Library and rewatched the last 2 Bond movies atleast 10 times (although related, it was actually for some other reason)

The accent was suddenly a little endearing. Then I knew I was in danger of become an Anglophile.

I spoke with my friends who'd been to London and other cities for work and enquired about the lifestyle and conditions there.

Having looked up apartments for rent and Bus company sites for weekend trips to London, I then proceeded to tell almost anyone who'd enquire as to what I was going to do next.

J and I even made plans for sightseeing in May. I read up on the pre-christian pagan culture of the Isles [ask me about Samhain & Beltaine] and all the historical romance novels that Georgette Heyer ever wrote.

I am probably one of the few people of non-UK origin who knows what 'Corinthian' means. I also watched the gangster movies for the feel of the present day UK -

Lock Stock &.., The Bank Job, RocknRolla, LayerCake (I love cake). I also watched all the BBC mini series of the novels of the Brontes and Eyre.

Having done all this, I suddenly started seeing the British men in a very flattering right and as a direct result, started despising the women.

I also noted that in Hollywood some of the most ruggedly handsome men and the most chocolate faced lets-drive-the-teens-crazy guys were imports from UK.

In stark contrast, the women were all very thin, statuesque (and I dont say that with admiration) and perennially smoking.

No female seemed likeable, except Bridget Jones and they had to bring an american to play that role.

I am quite unable to muster any semblence of interest in football (I am Indian and do not deign to call it Soccer).

Hopefully that can be imbibed once I actually land there and soak up the ambience (or the smell of burning petrol from the riots).

Also the coverage of the English on Jon Stewart is mostly just brilliant :) [Hellooooooooow!]

Now, I am still in the Big Apple and will be for the better part of the year. The opportuinity that could've taken me to GB had morphed into a form no longer suited to me and job-wise I have moved on.

Still my interest in the United Kingdom still remains strong. I rather fancy them.

So I drink my English Tea, read the Telegraph UK and dream about going there.

I bet the sun sets on their empire now...

Rain

King George of Acerbitude

2009-07-23T21:29:00.002-04:00

For your information, the title is contradictory because George Carlin hated the English [he's Irish American so go figure].

While trying to return my George Carlin books I found out that I couldn't. Not that there was any operational issue in the actual returning of the library books- The library was open, I had the books with me, all I had to do would be to drop them in an ubiquitous little collection box and NYPL would accept the prodigal.

It was also not as if the hesitation sprung from not having read the books. I read all 3 (Brain Droppings, Napalm & Silly Putty and When will Jesus bring the Pork Chops) fully and the 'Short Takes' repeatedly. It wasn't the first time I didn't want to send back a book on its merry way; the other books with which I had a similar reaction were - Lord of the Rings, Pride & Prejudice and The Shining.

What I was feeling was a sense of loss if I were to send the books back into circulation. As if the smart alecky, angry and very brutally honest voice would stop inducing me from bursting into a fit of giggles at mere recollection.

Such incidents had been occurring as a pattern especially in mandatory meetings where I had nothing to do but lend an air of glamor to the proceedings with my charismatic presence.

Also while typical the erstwhile commonplace work emails when I would suddenly note that I say 'respond' instead of answer and 'review' instead of 'read'; He saw all and through the clinical eyes of an anthropologist.

That is beyond awesome.

Truth is that it takes very little to amuse me, like today I was so diverted to discover a fluroscent yellow splotch (blend of tumeric and olive oil) on my shirt at the location where I wouldn't want attention (in office & by these people)

But that is neither here nor there.(which would tick old Georgey to no end because he is against the ambigous use of terms to indicate location - here, there)

I probably felt lonely to consider life without sayings like - My motto: F*%K Hope, I finally found out the meaning of Life but then they changed it or I am repelled by Wholesomeness.

As a believer in the almighty and someone who turns to goo at the sight of a slobbery little baby (however cute/un-cute), I know I am the kind of person who Mr.Carlin found so despicably stupid and quite masochistically I enjoy laughing at my ridiculousness.

I loved the parts of the books which dealt with Men & Women and how we got the short end of the stick which led me to infer that maybe the dear author was at some intrinsic level a (dare I say it) Feminist.

But best of all I worship the commentary on Language - the unnecessary doublespeak, the softening of the meanings for political correctness and sharp criticism of the abuse of English.

If it were up to me, I would take some of these excerpts into textbooks for students of English and they would certainly remember these lessons (with glee).

Coming back to my issues of letting go, I have pacified my possessiveness with a temporary extension of return and plan to be the proud owner of the complete bibliography of George Carlin for quenching my long term need to laugh at humanity despite being such a conformed little part of it.

Its true that I am a big Jon Stewart fan and follow Stephen Colbert's tweets but having dug back to source of their style of social/political commentary I realize that the real thing had been here and was now dead (he'd have hated it if I said 'passed on')

Amusing part is, no one else I know seems to be aware of this man's ever having existed or is affected by that information to the degree that I am (besides just one person who signalled '...likes this' on facebook)

Feels like being the solitary keeper of a delicious secret but with the kind of company offered to me, I prize my solitary joys.

My humble thanks to the man who started with 'Is everyone doing good today?' and after hearing a chorus on the affirmative followed up with 'Well, F*%K you!'

Rain.

Since

This was written a week back but not posted in a gesture that is very characteristically me.

So its my duty to update on the matters that occurred since relating to the subject matter of above post.

Daily Show with Jon Stewart mailed me saying that they have no tickets for me. I returned the George Carlin books this morning (had done max extensions).

If any of my friends are reading this then here's a clue as to what would make a great gift for me (whatever be the occasion)- all or some of George Carlin's books.

Subtlity is also my characteristic.

"Always do whatever's next."-George Carlin

Rain

Change Resistant

2009-07-11T00:30:00.001-04:00

Sword of Honor or How my DVD drive ate the DVD

2009-07-08T22:35:00.004-04:00

Today I found some Brit Miniseries in the Library and on the cover was a very familiar pair of piercing blue eyes gazing into my very soul. It was the Vol 2 but I didnt give a damn.

So as I watched, I began to jolt down the thoughts that popped into my head-

If a man in loose khaki knee length shorts with a name like Guy can still appear macho in a movie, he should get an award for ' Standing Straight despite overwhelming Gayness being heaped upon the person'.
Anyone using the word 'Indubitably' in a sentence when circumstances are dire is a giant ass.
Its impossible to maintain a deep crush on an actor once you've seen him de-objectified. Once that happens you just feel like a shallow flake for having liked someone for his appearance. Then the guilt triples when you see him onscreen all good looking again and go 'Hubba Hubba' (involuntarily, of course). Then you think of every lech in every street corner and bus who tried to paw you when you were barely 12 and think - I am just like that in concept (not implementation) only additionally hypocritical.
Second stage of self-loathing sets in when you realize after nearly 60 years of independance when your ideal of manhood is a golden haired blue eyed englishman. So much for reverse racial discrimination.
How did the hero find the time and implements to remain clean shaven all through the British Troop withdrawal from Crete in WWII?
Was his role in the army to set female hearts aflutter?
His eyes are the color of the water in the shores of Crete. I'm a smitten kitten.
Just when I think I'm too old to be petty, my revulsion for slate thin, conventionally attractive, icy blonde women goes up a notch.
You're never too old to be petty; just too old to be pretty.
Being drawn to troubled, angry, forceful men of power and hoping to marry a gentle, stable man shows deep inner conflict; Or conditioning a la Pavlov. Both prospects are highly unsettling.
There is something worth noticing about a man who writes in longhand with a fountain pen, even if its in a period movie.
Its important to belong somewhere.
why can't there be a British war movie without everyone smoking in all scenes?
Guys with thin mustaches in WWII movies are either cowardly villians or treacherous scum. That is how you know and will aid you when you scream "Dont trust him, he has a pencil thin mustache!" at the screen when the hero goes to the forest with the creep.

Things were reaching drool point (a threshold of how much pathetic mooning bearable by machinery) when Sri Krishna (my sentinent laptop) shut off my DVD drive and now the 'Sword of Honor' Volume Two is stuck inside. My Computer doesnt show evidence of there ever having been a DVD drive. I have done things that will make my engineering background very proud, restarted my laptop 3 times and drummed on top of the drive. The damn thing won't even light up. That is the problem with a sentinent electronic device, it gets temperamental.

When the System sulking stops and hopefully that is soon, I will be able to rescue the enabling cupid from Sri Krishna's stranglehold.

I long for a chance to call somebody a 'Crentin',

Rain

PS: Just realized I never mentioned the name of the actor being referenced in the post above. If you didnt guess/know already- Daniel Craig.

Obvious Science

2009-07-02T19:43:00.005-04:00

My current visceral malreactions are towards people who state the blindingly obvious condescendingly or as if it were a revelation to the listener (me).

It happens with unfortunately unerring regularity in my place of stay (which I will not call my apt because I am still looking for a place to call - my apt) and to a more amusing extent during my perusal of the Google News.

So focussing on the less bile invoking option, here are some headlines in the Health and Lifestyle sections over the past few weeks which I thought was just common knowledge but it took a team of scientists years to research and come to the exact same conclusions in some corner of the world (only to be debunked by a small variation of the same in a microsecond?)

Junk food is manufactured to get you hooked - I am so shocked. You mean to tell me the good people at McD, BK, Wendy's are only behind my money and don't care about my behind?

Study Says There No Such Thing as Empty Nest Syndrome - For generations, Indian parents have been happily getting rid of their daughter accompanied by music and gaiety; so yeah this one, I saw coming.

Women show grace under pressure, while men are likely to take risks in the same high stress situations - Which is probably why we don't work on combat duty and only serve drinks at high stakes poker.

Daily sex improves chances of conception for couples where the men have low sperm count - D'uh...try try try again till you succeed works on all levels

Modern men prefer skinny women: Study - This one's right out of the blue! With all those celebrated stars and models who eat bi-annually, I would've never figured its because the men would prefer them, I just thought they were good at what they did. [No, I didnt]

Women more likely than men to hit nail on the head when there is light - Why would that be relevant to anything ever? Its not like 'hitting the nail on the head' was a metaphor...these guys actually mean taking a hammer and hitting a nail with it.

Migraine pain more common in women - that is because we are supposed to be skinny, keep trying to get pregnant and show grace under pressure. try living with that on your head always!

Heavy women have low quality relationships - or the corollary of the previous headline 'Modern men prefer skinny women'

Men, women use Facebook differently - wow...that is so difficult to determine, how did they manage to find out? Next related discovery could probably be that men and women select different options in the signup sheet which asks for gender.

Being careful about the future is in our genes - Mind boggling! Really?! That does explain Life Insurance policies and Wills. So those werent random inventions as previously held by scholars!

Boys 'have sweeter tooth' than girls - that is why girls are sweet and made of "sugar and spice and everything nice". And I extend this great finding with my addendum - Guys have sweeter everything than girls and present for evidence the Daniel Craig in swim suit shaped, grape flavored popsicle. Or was that my evidence for how easily we can cross lines from eye candy to actual candy in a very wrong way? I forget. [I may think he is yummy but eating one of the above mentioned popsicles would take a bite out of the object of my affections...the puns end here]

Men set for 'extinction' - poor things. You became redundant with co-existence of the concepts 'Being Gay' and 'Cloning'. New nail in your coffin human parthenogensis becoming possible.

‘Taller people get fatter pay packet’ - All I needed to get to come to the same conclusion was look at the depressing pay stub of my hobbit sized self.

Macho guys don't always get the girls - Depends on how you define 'get', I would say Guys in general dont 'get' girls.

Care for elderly, be blessed with longer life - its called good karma

Anger 'is down to genes' - Dammit Parents! See what you gave me?! and all I wanted was travel scrabble.

Second-born kids are more rebellious: Research - that's because their spirit is not surgically wrenched from them at an early age with the litany - you are the eldest, you have to adjust and give up for your sister.

'Night owls cleverer, richer than early birds' - oh yeah, where is my money and IQ then? This is so dimwitted it could only be written by a poverty stricken day lark!

'Milky Way's heart tastes of raspberry, smells of rum' - And we wonder why obesity is becoming an epidemic while we blissfully think of the entire universe in terms of food and drink.

World over, rivers are drying up - which is what we should expect in days of 'Global Warming'

Old smiling snaps predict marital bliss - happy people divorce less. This did need some of the best minds working with zillions of dollars to realize.

Coming soon to the Blindingly Obvious section - The Pope's catholic, Sun rises in the east and I need to move.

Rain

A thousand words

2009-05-24T05:09:00.003-04:00

As expected of anyone prone to routoundness, I appear even more spherical in photographs. So I tend to not prefer being in photos unless its of a bunch of us friends frolicking or standing around grinning like some runner up sports team, thereby dispering the focus from yours truly. Single shots of me are so rare that you can possibly speculate a huge auction value (but then Sotheby's is at hard ends with the recession so you never know). Besides decent photographers (almost always guys of the group) usually click away the cuter, more glam and stylish girls (i.e. any other girl but me).

If at all I suddenly develop aversion to being ignored so (happens once in a rare while) and insist on being photographed after defeating the photographer in argument, it angers me so much that I had to convince someone to focus on me that I cannot elicit a smile or any semblance of a pleasant expression anymore. I only end up with photos of me grimacing or looking belligerent which does not paint a pretty picture.

So its sufficient to say, I have no good photographs of me.

This lack of pictorial representation didn't figure even for a second in my mind until the dismal response to my matrimony site profile spurred my parents into requiring photos of me to upload. Assumption of the site was that adding my photo would increase the attraction of the profile. I think it panders to the lazy and shallow minded types who'd rather just look at the photo and move on, instead of having to actually read through the content or the junta who browse matrimony sites when they are bored. Nevertheless I bowed to this filial demand, I began the excruciatingly soul wrenching search of all my digital photos featuring me to crop out my visage and send to them.

The ones I selected were no good to the mater and sister who felt either my hair wasn't good in the pic or that I looked chubby in it or both. The astonishing part of the matter is that I do not have good hair and I am chubby, so one would logically assume that any photo of mine would (and should) indicate the same attributes. There was some debate and certain compromises (on their part) was reached as the only alternate was hair weaving, liposuction and hiring the photography team of National Geographic.

Next was the contention on the dress worn in the photograph. My mother insisted on saree photos of me even though I pointed out to her certain facts that didn't seem to mesh with her demand:

1. I have worn a saree all of 7 times in my entire life (first 3 times in high school)

2. I am not comfortable in a saree and do not know how to wear one on my own

3. A certain unspoken image of a person is presented when the prospective groom is shown a photo of her wearing saree (a black and white tamil movie heroine) and I am nothing like that.

But I had to give her this (my mother is a formidable woman) in exchange for her agreeing to let me also put in photos of me in churidhar and casual wear. I call these my what you see is what you get photos.

Last hurdle was of course the space age technology of the site itself. The first 100 attempts at uploads failed once we selected the file from the local disk. This would've frustrated a saint but my mother persevered and reported success at last. Unfortunately, in their attempts to render my photos in the size acceptable to the site they had mangled one photo to completely distorting resolution and I appeared in the second photo to be someone who'd never been exposed to the concept of grooming. My mother was so triumphant in her victory at the upload that I hadnt taken it upon myself to see the results until today.

Having seen me in such unflattering light, the mystery of why the effectiveness of my profile had dropped further became crystal clear (Astrologers had put it down to unfavorable planetary influences). So I personally took charge of uploading my photos this time around.

This activity only made me further marvel the excellent design and user friendliness of the site.

Once the server in all its wisdom had loaded your image from your system, you would be taken to a page where you would be asked to crop your photo and save it so that this can be used as a thumbnail picture which when clicked would show the actual photograph. Except and this was added just for kicks no doubt, the square given to select the part of the photo was not click and dragable. There was nothing that one could do considering the save photo button that one should click after satisfactorily selecting the area to crop was hidden by the photo itself.

In the end, the thumbnail pics of my photos look like reflections from a circus mirror - one elongated, one widened and one just right (that one was the least good of the lot).

Atleast this convinces me that any guy who sees these and still expresses interest in pursuing the possibility of a marriage alliance with me is not doing it from being overwhelmed by my striking physical appearance. Silver lining, I am so good at finding those! Hey, maybe I should add that to my profile :)

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down
So don't you bring me down today

Rain

Trump, You should be fired!

2009-05-12T02:51:00.002-04:00

This is a horribly disappointing finale.

I didn't know Joan Rivers before this and she is old but she has spoken horrendous things and sabotaged the last contest. You can't diss a 75 yr old (potty mouthed as she is) and that is a disadvantage.

Everyone hates a strong, ambitious, smart and professional woman who doesn't shed tears or call everyone 'Dahlinggg!'

I am not watching next season of Celebrity Apprentice on principle.

If a leader is meant to take good decisions, Trump has failed miserably.

Go Annie Duke and a shout out to all the tough women out there

Who are the diamonds they are and will not care!

Rain

Late to office

2009-05-06T22:33:00.003-04:00

because of oversleeping....

Rain

Count Onsite Co-ord ula

2009-04-26T19:08:00.002-04:00

From my fascinations with all things vamp :)

Statistically speaking...

2009-04-24T03:41:00.005-04:00

The Delusionist

2009-04-23T00:26:00.003-04:00

Well...a girl can dream (of Daniel Craig)..can't she?

[Especially when she is me]

An Attempt

2009-04-22T22:41:00.005-04:00

I entitle this Single & Platonic.
Inspired by xkcd [Who ROCKS!]

First Desi Oscars

2009-02-22T23:23:00.004-05:00

We knew it was a long time coming but the its finally here!

Such a red letter day my indian brothers & sisters, my family and that one guy I will marry (when I find him) KUDOS :)

We're proud of you ARRahman (you are a music genius) and Pookutty (you're acceptance speech was A-W-E-S-O-M-E)

Our tricolor flies that much higher today and this is a special day for Mumbai, the eternal.

So HAPPY,

Rain

The long weekend of Daniel Craig movies

2009-02-16T02:56:00.008-05:00

I have a four day weekend without much to do and I figured I have some time for a bunch of movies. So I went with my current, intense and unexplainable preference for Daniel Craig.

I also went with choclate icecream and sun-dried cranberries. [pattern being - All things yummy to me]

So Daniel Craig didnt make a ripple in "Tombraider" and just did his fair share in "Munich" but he got (like-like) likeable in "Casino Royale" and got larger than life by"Golden Compass" & "Quantum of Solace". These all were repeat watches for me and I skipped through most.

I disliked him in "Road to Perdition" (didnt care to re-watch) which is good because he was the bad, cowardly dude in the movie.

So I lined up to watch "Defiance" yesterday and "Invasion" (on DVD) today, for the first time.

Honestly speaking, Daniel (pretending that we are on first name basis) isnt awesome in either. My objection in both cases seem to be petty (and therefore related to the women)-

The girl in "Defiance" who he is paired up with looks far too young for him(okay so she is as old as I am) and in "Invasion" his object of affection is played by Nicole Kidman (case and point).

Scope for histronics is quite limited in Invasion (he didnt convince anyone that he likes Nicole Kidman) and unused in Defiance, although Liev Schreiber seems to have taken over adeptly in the latter. He seems to be more of an underplayer (for the more macho air, I suppose).

Maybe its just me, but I dont like it when Mr.Craig smiles. Smoldering looks, smug smirks, blue eyes piercing with anger and deep pouts (which are sexy versions of sulks) are his thing(can I get an A-men) . The pretty boy next door with the cute English accent( pleese=police, waaa=what) is for the likes of Hugh Grant.

So overall Rain rating of the movies featuring Daniel Craig are-

Invasion - 10 thumbs down (my own 2 was not enough so I borrowed four other people in the vicinity)
Defiance - Okay but not good (or bad).
Golden Compass - Funky for graphics (DC came in for about 5 very cool mins only)
Lara Croft:Tombraider - I liked it for Angelina (also identify with Lara's taste in guys - 1 thumb up)
Munich - Awesome in an intellectual way. (2 thumbs up)
Casino Royale/Quantum of Solace- Very cool & stylish. (2 thumbs up and pairing with Eva Green gets a nod )
Road to Perdition - Good (2 thumbs up for Paul Newman & Tom Hanks)

To wrap up-

Did you know Daniel Craig was in "Elizabeth"? I dont remember him either.

Decided not to watch Layer Cake (because I hate Sienna Miller) and couldnt get hold of "The Jacket" and "Flashbacks of a Fool".

"Invasion" made my long weekend longer (and not in a good way),

Rain

PS: I still heart Daniel Craig :)

making trouble out of nothing at all...

2009-01-27T03:20:00.002-05:00

First there was a system in india, then came a laptop in the US.

Ideally this should've been the end of the story but human nature is based from groundless greed.

Next there was Thanksgiving and there seemed to be a great deal. One thing led to another and now there came into a girl's life, the second laptop. But they were soon to part for the laptop belonged to another and our heroine was anxious to find a way to send the new laptop on its journey to the east.

Then came the bitter winter when a relative of a relative was to meet this scatterbrained twit (and only she allows herself to verbal abuse her) in the evening a mere 2 miles away from home.

But having walked 70% of the way to the rendezvous point, our brave lady chickened out at the sight of dimly lit ways with menacing overhead roads and shady looking people. She decided to flag a taxi having just ended a call with the relative and before she knew it, she had reached.

Like anyone is wont to at this juncture, she got out, took the luggage out and paid the nice man. Then she watched as he went his merry way into the inky darkness. Time to call the relative's relative...only where is the basic means of communication - the cellphone?

What was the license plate of the car? Name of the car company? Did she note the details of the driver himself? Did she atleast remember leaving the phone in the car?

A resounding no to all of the above (this one is for the x-files apparently)

Good point though, she met up with whoever she came to see, she sent the laptop to where it is bound but she has just spent the last 8 hours calling herself to only hear herself ask her to leave herself a message. No ringing.

Could use a good samaritan right about now, at the right time (this past evening), at the right place (the same taxi) and the right state of mind (helpful tendency). If it turns out to be a Daniel Craig look alike who is single...that would just be the stuff romance movies are made of.

Ok...I am willing to negotiate on the greek godliness or the marital status provided my lovely phone is back. Sacrifice is my middle name, also Practical and Observant (its 4 in the morning, I can't sleep and so I have 3 ironic made up middle names)

Phone, where ever you are...come back home. I MISS YOU already,

Rain

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist

2009-01-24T06:08:00.005-05:00

The movie was an extended love letter to New York at night :)

The feature plays on the delicious feeling of familiarity...of being the 'Bridge & Tunnel', going to see indie bands play (mine is limited to Cutting Room and just the once) in New York, seeing the Empire State building all around (where ever you go, kinda like the eye of sauron, except more dearer) and most of all about meeting this stranger unexpectedly and just clicking.

A natural match of frequencies however temporary or illusional but magical for when it happens.

Micheal Cera is so adorable as Nick (of the title) and the fact that you like him, makes you almost go through the entire journey of the night as a co-passenger in that quirky yellow Yugo.

His role was quite tricky in Juno but somehow he managed to retain that clean cut image of sweetness and he does so in this movie also.

I'd pick Daniel Craig as a masculine ideal without a blink so it surprised me that I like Cera so instantly when he is the very epitome of an awkward fan boy geek. I think we have a dark horse that can run a long race here.

Norah is a well written character also well played by Kat Dennings as an intelligent, poor little rich girl who feels a inferior on account of not bring the image of the American Girl (blue eyed, busty blonde) and is on the lookout for substance in a guy. She is caring, feisty and courageous. You really want to root for this girl because you see some part of you in her.

Caroline and the Gay guys in the band are great too, in the parts that they get to play to bring the hero and the heroine together. Lastly, the music is the running thread in the story but it tastefully stays relevant yet understated when compared to the story and the interactions between the players.

I totally recommend this movie for some nice lazy friday night when you are snug in your couch and have an empathic soul at your side to share this warm, cutesy movie (despite the generous sprinkling of increasingly horrifying yuckiness - watch out for the special journey of the chewing gum).

If you are single like me, you should watch it anyway if you are or ever have been one or more of the following- 1. Young, 2. In love, 3. A music fan, 4. a New Yorker by residence, work or spirit, or my personal favorite #5 A not so secret closet romantic who just loves the idea of kindred souls.

If music be the food of love...put it on an infinite playlist,

Rain

Flotsam

2009-01-06T02:14:00.004-05:00

Free will is an illusion. I have heard this, felt it minorly before and only considered the concept in theoretical basis. Now I complete get that control over your own life, is just as substantial as a vision of a fountain of chocolate milk in the middle of the Sahara.

Its not like I was foolish enough to resist change. I accept it as a constant, rather the only constant. But all references to a normal life to be torn asunder, for you to be just a wrecked piece of who you used to be and what your world used to be like, one fine day without a sound or ceremony.

Reality just unhinged for me. Suddenly there are no certainities, no answers, no basis of any judgement/decision be it sound or otherwise. No people, no ties, no feelings, nothing familiar.

Nothing to anchor on to the semblence of my erstwhile universe.

It happened naturally and without notice like a season change or ageing.

Universe decided to shake me out of my comfortable and predictable little niche and plant me on crossroads again. To quote the cliche - "fate is not without a sense of irony".

More frustrated than sad at being given a riddle with absolutely no means to find a resolution, I am completely aware of the fact that its just as well. I have never given up anytime and dont believe in that at all. Just one more turn of the wheel that requires a test of my resilience and spirit of survival.

Not my idea of how it should be but hey I am just a lazy human in a tiny speck of a larger universe...what do I know?

Bring it on, World. Defiance is infinitely more natural to me than surrender...

Rain

When its hard to remain silent...

2008-12-02T01:35:00.005-05:00

A couple of my dear friends here see my over-willingness to talk or express opinion as something to be curtailed for maintenance of my overall image as a lady of dignity. There are days when I agree with them and think one should talk less and work more, moderation is the best path in life and that Status Quo is a nice place to be. Now is not one of those days...

I have constantly refrained from expressing strong political and religious opinion in my blog here because they are my own and publishing about them only invites everyone else to join in and debate their validity. I like validation of my thoughts & beliefs only when I expressly ask for them and Now is not the time when I would like some.

From last wednesday night, here, till the end of friday there was rampant terror in a important part of my homeland. Until very recently, no one was able to tell for sure why...

Even now its difficult to justify the cause that has lead to so many unwarranted deaths, senseless tragedy and the standstill of a bustling metropolis.

The Media milked the situation for all that it possibly could. I have always been a fan of the television...but crossing the lines is something even the most devout tv lover cannot accept.

Why would you intensively follow the most secretive & elite attack force of the nation and give up to the second coverage on live TV of how many are going in, from where and other such details of the methodology being adopted to flush the militants who are holed up?

Its almost as good as planning escapes for them.

When there is a terror situation and the NSG Commandos are handling it, the secretive nature of their jobs should be protected and press conferences should happen at the end of the day when all the work was done.

Sensationalism should not trod on the feet of the brave people who are trying to save the day.

Get some priorities people!

Now the icing on the cake...the blame game.

political parties blame each other, countries are casting asperations on one another in the most vile and undignified way possible ( this discussion made my blood boil, so there!) and we look like a sorry bunch of imbeciles.

Suddenly India is one of the top 10 dangerous places in the world to visit.

Great! As if New York and London suddenly got deserted by everyone because of the large scale terror attacks that they faced. Then why such harsh measures?

Didnt anyone catch the interview of Johnathan Ehrlich and his message about Mumbai?

"Mumbai is New York, New York is D.C., D.C. is Vancouver and Vancouver is Menlo Park or Toronto. These people don’t have any remorse, it is pure evil. And they need to be stopped. And what we all need to do is get on a plane, go to Mumbai, put our arms around these people. They’re fantastic and beautiful people, they need our support. And we need to go and show these people that we’re not afraid. We need to dust ourselves off, pick ourselves up and get back in the game. "

I may not agree with the man always but MK Gandhi had it spot on when he said - Non-cooperation with evil is as much a duty as is cooperation with good.

The people who caused the terror in Mumbai are pure, adulterated evil and to cower and simper is to give them the result they sought. Mumbai has proved its mettle many times before, her people will do it yet again and with panache...

New Delhi, however, is an entirely different picture...If only the politicians would let the law capture and punish perpetrators and their helpers without giving consideration to vote bank politics that highlights the caste, religion and minority-majority aspects...but that scenario is too fantastical to expect; pigs are likelier to take wing instead.

Its time indians learnt the difference between actual secularity & tolerance vs. not taking the stand that is required just to maintain the image of secularity & toleranance...as S Gurumurthy has so correctly stated here.

The neighbours who call themselves "peaceful", probably because no one else will, are helpless to prevent the terror from affecting their cities and are getting the threats from their brothers about take overs (not the organization kind) if they work with NATO. Quite ironical that a parliamentarian lady from that country said to India that "what you sow, so you reap".

How about you say that for yourselves first?

It is an unjust world where London born youth with all the oppurtuinity to make peaceful and educated decisions adopt religious matyrdom as their chosen path to glory and cause the misery to innocents Indian, American or Israeli. But its just another instance of the eternal struggle...its painful and saddening to be on the side of Good, but we will win.

A prayer for all the lives lost and left barely breathing...a wish for the survivors to find their way again.

Sarve bhavantu sukhinah

sarve santu niraamayah

sarve bhadrani pashyanthu

Ma kaschid dukha mapnuyat

Om Shanthi Shanthi Shanthihi,

Rain

JAI HIND.

No need to say goodbye

2008-11-11T23:40:00.004-05:00

Quite a meaningful and simple song from the soundtrack of Narnia :Prince Caspian.

[Best lines of the movie-

Susan: It wouldnt have worked between us, anyway.

Caspian: why?

Susan: I am 1300 years older, after all.

me: ROTFL =))]

Without further ado, the lyrics of "The Call" by Regine Spektor (is it me or does her name sound like it was invented by the mind of JK Rowling)-

It started out as a feeling, which then grew into a hope.
which then turned to a quiet thought
which then turned into a quiet word.
And then that word grew louder and louder, till it was a Battle Cry
I'll come back, when you call me. No need to say goodbye.
Just because everything's changing
doesn't mean its never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
as you head off to the war.
Pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the line
You'll come back, its over
No need to say goodbye
you'll come back, when its over
no need to say goodbye

Now we're back to the beginning
Its just a feeling and no one knows yet
but just because they cant feel it too doesn't mean that you have to forget
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger and stronger,
till they're before your eyes.
You'll come back when they call you
no need to say goodbye
You'll come back when they call you
no need to say goodbye.

Works on many levels,

Rain

Fall is here

2008-10-22T20:51:00.002-04:00

Its a very cold autumn, almost a winter now.
We went to the White Mountains in New Hampshire last weekend and it was worth all the trudging in the marsh in the bitter cold, completely working the pink paded snow coat (with matching gloves & hat), all the panting and the puffing because the group got to be together for what could quite possibly be the last time.

Yes readers, we have a couple of weddings coming up...we have moved from single friends to friends and their significant others(who also became our friends) to finally become diseparate units of married couples and those that remain behind(mayor - yours truely).

Having landed in NH a week after peak fall season ended, the single tree in front of our rented cottage with the leaves in tact had maximum photo op. We cooked breakfast and dinner, ate together and drove around.
Now its done and done.

Future is left to look forward to,
Rain

Marma Desam - Land of the mysteries

2008-10-13T01:10:00.003-04:00

October season here is the time for thrills and chill, Halloween will be here soon.
Our trip to Six Flags last weekend marked the first of the Ghouls Parade with the central fountain in the color of blood.
Relevantly enough, I discovered Rajshri site which let me view the one serial which I wanted to see desperately, when I was a school kid in chennai, but never actually managed to (until now)- "Vidathu Karuppu".

The opening/ending credits with the graphics of the fiery white horse galloping in the darkness remained in my memory so vividly that it literally transported me to the age of pigtails, brown paper covered notebooks and ink stained fingertips for a few minutes.

In a span of one week, I saw all 80 episodes and really marveled at almost all facets of this serial, be it the gripping screenplay, the mesmerizing direction of dangling scenes from past and present in every episode sprinkling it generously with red herrings to tie it neatly in the end, the vivid and wonderful cinematography or the very well etched out characters and acting.

It was a delicious melange of a story- An ancient crone, many years after meeting a gory end at the hands of a protective village deity that has since had a strong influence on the lives of the people of the village, still haunts her house and the minds of the many people who search for the jewels and the land contracts that she hid away.
A young doctor, Reena, comes into the village initially to help two of her friends get together but gets entangled in the layers of mystery in the village and wishes to disprove all the superstitious beliefs, whether it be unveiling vigilante Karuppu himself who metes out justice dispassionately from professed godhood or unraveling the clues left behind by the evil genius, Bulaku Pechi Aatha.
Also added to the chaos is her Chief Dr Nanda, who discovers that he has been chosen to come to Thottakaramangalam by the ancients for a specific role connected to an expected Avatar.

The cherry on top is the extremely accurate portrayal of the village life from the eyes of a child, the easter egg being each episode featured the young Rasu (protagonist) playing a different game or toy, most of which children now a days would not even recognize.

I would recommend this most vociferously to anyone who understands Tamil. This is NOT TO BE MISSED as its one really cool freebie :)

The reason this serial has stayed in mind, prompting me to atleast watch it decade after it was originally telecast, probably has to do with a coincidental back story.
We had only then discovered that our family deity was a Karuppana Swamy in the edge of a still undeveloped part of Orathanad in Thanjavur. I have only visited the temple once so far and still remember the dilapidated temple complex, the massive banyan trees growing amidst the crumbling bricks of a once vibrant and well maintained protective deity who had secured the vast agricultural lands that bordered, which once belonged to our family many many generations ago.

The image of the extremely large and powerful man, an epitome of unprejudiced justice, protection of the faithful aboard a flawlessly white horse, holding an intimidating Aruval is extremely fascinating in the most primeval way.
The Karuppu is human like in his love of liquor, hand rolled smokes and goat meat.

My maternal grandmother has told me of the time that her mother had, while walking back all alone in the night of a threatening, unlit and isolated brush path had prayed to the Ayyanar for his protection from all the dangers (natural and otherwise) in her path and had been heartened to hear the footfall sounds of a heavyset man wearing the salangai (loudly tinkling anklets) all the way to the entrance of her village. She also distinctly remembers her mother mentioning the strong smell of surutu(hand rolled tobacco cigars)which had accompanied the sound of the steps completely vanishing once she was near home and help. Sadly though, my great grandmother, never felt the need to turn around once to see her escort. Although he was a protector, apparently Ayyanar/Karupanna Swamy wasn't known to be a benevolent and loving deity.

My mother mentions either a friend of hers or his brother (I am vague as to exactly who) having encountered something very possibly like the Karuppu in the early daybreak in the village borders. He was apparently a giant of a man, casting off all doubt of his being human, who seemed to be calmly enjoying his suruttu and sarayam (country brewed liquor). When this person spoke out, the being noticing that there was company, just disappeared into the mists with eerie grace.

These anecdotes can probably be described either as illusions from a sleepy brain or a frightened mind eased by imagination; maybe even outright lies...nevertheless they excite and enthrall.

I am completely smitten by Naga's Marma Desam projects (hats off to him)and have started "Swarna Reygai" (Golden line of the palm). If it is as good as 'Vidathu...' then you will probably get to know about it from me soon.

Thrilled,
Rain

Hymn of Creation

2008-08-19T02:22:00.005-04:00

Its been on the back burner for quite many years now, that I wanted to find the theme for 'Bharat Ek Khoj'. A sudden fever to have it now resulted in my finding it but the story doesn't end quite so simply. Just listening to the chanting at the start of the theme, brought to mind the hymn of creation that I had scribbled in my diary as a 13 yr old (ancient days when information was not available at the click of the google search button, but had to be written down for future references). I had to read it now and was entirely thrilled to get it from the first link of my google search since my trusty diary was no where in the near vicinity (so much for future reference).

I am even more thrilled that blogspot is able to publish the sanskrit font as well as the english transliteration. Hope this brings you as much wonder and joy as it has brought me-
Just a simple hymn#10129 from the Rgveda-

नासदासीन नो सदासीत तदानीं नासीद रजो नो वयोमापरो यत |
किमावरीवः कुह कस्य शर्मन्नम्भः किमासीद गहनं गभीरम ||
न मर्त्युरासीदम्र्तं न तर्हि न रात्र्या अह्न आसीत्प्रकेतः |
आनीदवातं सवधया तदेकं तस्माद्धान्यन न परः किं चनास ||
तम आसीत तमसा गूळमग्रे.अप्रकेतं सलिलं सर्वमािदम |
तुछ्येनाभ्वपिहितं यदासीत तपसस्तन्महिनाजायतैकम ||
कामस्तदग्रे समवर्तताधि मनसो रेतः परथमं यदासीत |
सतो बन्धुमसति निरविन्दन हर्दि परतीष्याकवयो मनीषा ||
तिरश्चीनो विततो रश्मिरेषामधः सविदासी.अ.अ.अत |
रेतोधाासन महिमान आसन सवधा अवस्तात परयतिः परस्तात ||
को अद्धा वेद क इह पर वोचत कुत आजाता कुत इयंविस्र्ष्टिः |
अर्वाग देवा अस्य विसर्जनेनाथा को वेद यताबभूव ||
इयं विस्र्ष्टिर्यत आबभूव यदि वा दधे यदि वा न |
यो अस्याध्यक्षः परमे वयोमन सो अङग वेद यदि वा नवेद ||

English Translitration-
nāsadāsīn no sadāsīt tadānīṃ nāsīd rajo no vyomāparo yat |
kimāvarīvaḥ kuha kasya śarmannambhaḥ kimāsīd ghahanaṃ ghabhīram ||
na mṛtyurāsīdamṛtaṃ na tarhi na rātryā ahna āsītpraketaḥ |
ānīdavātaṃ svadhayā tadekaṃ tasmāddhānyan na paraḥ kiṃ canāsa ||
tama āsīt tamasā ghūḷamaghre.apraketaṃ salilaṃ sarvamāidam |
tuchyenābhvapihitaṃ yadāsīt tapasastanmahinājāyataikam ||
kāmastadaghre samavartatādhi manaso retaḥ prathamaṃ yadāsīt |
sato bandhumasati niravindan hṛdi pratīṣyākavayo manīṣā ||
tiraścīno vitato raśmireṣāmadhaḥ svidāsī.a.a.at |
retodhāāsan mahimāna āsan svadhā avastāt prayatiḥ parastāt ||
ko addhā veda ka iha pra vocat kuta ājātā kuta iyaṃvisṛṣṭiḥ |
arvāgh devā asya visarjanenāthā ko veda yataābabhūva ||
iyaṃ visṛṣṭiryata ābabhūva yadi vā dadhe yadi vā na |
yo asyādhyakṣaḥ parame vyoman so aṅgha veda yadi vā naveda ||

Translation-

Not even nothing existed then
No air yet, nor a heaven.
Who encased and kept it where?
Was water in the darkness there?
Neither deathlessness nor decay
No, nor the rhythm of night and day:
The self-existent, with breath sans air:
That, and that alone was there.
Darkness was in darkness found
Like light-less water all around.
One emerged, with nothing on
It was from heat that this was born.
Into it, Desire, its way did find:
The primordial seed born of mind.
Sages know deep in the heart:
What exists is kin to what does not.
Across the void the cord was thrown,
The place of every thing was known.
Seed-sowers and powers now came by,
Impulse below and force on high.
Who really knows, and who can swear,
How creation came, when or where!
Even gods came after creation's day,
Who really knows, who can truly say
When and how did creation start?
Did He do it? Or did He not?
Only He, up there, knows, maybe;
Or perhaps, not even He.

This seems to be eerily similar to Navajo creation story called Dine Bahane which basically states that the creator is just thinking about Earth, darkness, skies, dawn and beauty. And just out of that everything has manifested. I intend to read the translation of the entire orally transmitted poetry and might revisit this topic and see how close this is to what has been stated in the Rgveda.

Sources of the content (many many thanks for the wonderful service to humankind)-
Sacred Texts
Princeton

The video with the chanting & the translation-
Hymns From The Vedas - Creation
Hymn of Creation : Rigveda Nasadiya Sukta

charged by the mystical truths,
Rain

WE WON!!!!

2008-08-11T00:54:00.003-04:00

PEOPLE...We finally have a gold medal!

Abhinav Bindra won the 10m Men's Air Rifle.
We saw the victory ceremony and we felt goosebumps when the proud anthem of India was played. This is a red-letter day and tomorrow we celebrate!!!

Here are some excerpts from the commentary-

The gold medalist with an outstanding score of 100.5 in the Final moving all the way up from starting in 4th place, Abhinav Bindra from India.
Bindra's final score was 104.5
Bindra lived at Colorado Springs for about 6 months several years ago and trained with the US team. He is a super kid and winning the gold medal couldn't have happened to a nicer Kid
Bindra's Final score of 104.5 was outstanding and carried him to the gold medal, even though he trailed by 2 points in the preliminary
Abhinav Bindra, India, who in the reigning World Champion, is now also the 2008 Gold Medalist. His final score is 700.5

HINDU ARTICLE

proudly Indian, JAI HIND!!!
Rain

Cards of fortune

2008-08-09T00:06:00.002-04:00

Corporate card, in store card, library card, transit charge card....ALL of these cards are causing me such a lot of trouble that I am actually physically sick!!!
Also my 'you live, you learn' moment of the week is - Stay where you are and do not go out of the way to give anyone any importance because that will come back and bite you when no one is concerned about your absence.

Just caught the opening ceremony of the Summer Olympics at Beijing.
WHOA. The Chinese know how to put on one magnum opus of a show!

Indian contingent showed lack of uniformity and the commentators mentioned just how poor the sports infrastructure was even though we were mostly on the same page as China (who is a sports superstar) with respect to population and prosperity.

Cranky and sniffly,
Rain

Building A Mystery

2008-07-30T01:28:00.003-04:00

The Inspiration...

You come out at night
That's when the energy comes
And the dark side's light
And the vampires roam
You strut your rasta wear
And your suicide poem
And a cross from a faith that died
Before Jesus came
You're building a mystery

You live in a church
Where you sleep with voodoo dolls
And you won't give up the search
For the ghosts in the halls
You wear sandals in the snow
And a smile that won't wash away
Can you look out the window
Without your shadow getting in the way?

- Sara McLachlan - 'Building a Mystery'

The Creation...

He is not easy to read and she never felt like she could get to him when it mattered. All the moments they had in between were just a few flashes of his indulgence of her and not dropping of the wall he had built to keep her out.

The Rules would have her not speaking her mind to him so she appeared mysterious but it wouldn’t work for two main reasons – he wasn’t her Mr.Right, secondly he wasn’t speaking his mind to her.

Just once and in half jest she remarked that she didn’t know why she still hung around with him and he looked at her in a cold, clear way and repeated the question-
“Why? Why do you really?”
She faltered then like she knew what he would say next…
Suddenly she didn’t want to hear another word; it was almost as if she was afraid of what he meant to say in answer to his own questions, as if somehow those would be the cement on the last brick that would put him in a room blocked from her.

Then a period of mellow happiness would follow, making her forget the dark clouds of his penitent moods that only she seemed to observe or acknowledge. He was unfailingly polite and cool to everyone. It was easier to prove that ghosts exist than to have someone else understand that he was not as well-adjusted and sure as he seemed to be.

He always had two other thoughts in his head concurrently with his inane general conversations and that he deliberately always never paid any amount of concentration to anything she had to tell him- personally, over phone or by mail.

Yet he kept coming back. He always called if there was a silence from both ends for more than a couple of days. The weekends were always together. Together but apart.

He instigated some changes in her that she didn’t like. She suddenly wanted to be small and lovely. So that she could affect him in some way, make him look at her, really look at her and see her. She wished that he would think of her, miss her or look forward to seeing her. She wondered if she really loved him, or if she just loved the idea of wanting all that she can’t have. Did she crave the masochistic pain of constant bereavement of something that never was?

Would she want him if he also liked her back?
Probably not, she decided. After all allure of the mystery lasts only a finite number of pages. Besides it would be genre clash to mistake suspense for romance.

Just like that, the furrows of strain on her forehead disappeared to non-existence and a new train of thought occupied the neural pathways - correct time to switch to non-fiction for a while?

my first fiction,
Rain

What are you made of?

2008-07-26T22:46:00.007-04:00

Identity crisis is probably the backbone of blogging.
Its an endless source of material for art, literature and sculpture also, I suppose.

Lots of times in life you will ask yourself who you are and who's life is it that you are living...
It may be because you are a drama queen who's making up for the lack of real issues in life and on the other hand, you might be this way because you are constantly changing (Heraclitus rears his well-curled head and says - "I told you so" in greek), making it imperative to stop, consider and understand what/who/how you are at this instant of time.
This is when reading about existentialism and Advaita is actually interesting to those who's reading lists are the bibliography of James Patterson (love Kiss the Girls BTW *sheepish grin*).

Coincidentally (or should I lose the 'co'?) my thoughts at this juncture of my life (a milestone) about who I am now found a mirror in one of the most excellent movies I have seen in a long while - The Dark Knight. [GO SEE IT. NOW. THANK ME LATER]

At face value, its a superhero action movie, but the most clueless can see the intricacy of the script, the characterizations and the journey that we are taken on. I was talking to Ajay today about who stood out from among Batman and the arch nemesis - Joker (his question) and that brought us to the comparison of the two protagonists. Some not so obvious points became clear.

Batman/Bruce Wayne is an entity that is split and is in constant crisis about self, but the Joker, despite the unceasing eccentricity is ironically very sure about who he is. There is a kind of purity one sees in thought and action despite the concept being - Evil for its own sake (malum gratia malus ?) which is missing in our hero who personifies a doubtful and conflicted (hence weak) good. Bruce has many regrets - loss of his love to another man, lack of normal life (& sleeping hours) that he has had to face in the pursuit of justice but The Joker loves his job thoroughly and without exception.
But triumph of good over evil is a foregone conclusion because heroes are those of us who face all the crippling phases like ordinary folk - fear, regret, self-doubt; only they rise past all of that when they test their mettle. Batman overcomes his identity crisis.
He comes to the state of self realization and things get crystal clear.

I could probably go on about the movie, the actors, the caped anti-hero (that is what he is and he is proud---say it loud) but enough has been said by anyone (make that everyone) who watched it, so there isnt going to be more contribution to the white noise.
Rather like to focus on the aspect of being honest to yourself, after all who can know you better?
No harm if idea of yourself expires often, that is called growing up or evolving...but take the effort to get to know yourself. What do you like, what do you want, how do you feel, why do you think the way you do...this part can be disorienting and might feel like vertigo but its required.

I do know who I am currently- what I like and which are the things I might never do again or do at all. This moment of clarity has come at the price of time, effort, resources and is worth until its time to introspect on the next version of me.
Sugar and spice and everything nice; these are the ingredients for the perfect girls. (Remember Powepuff Girls?!)
Me? I am made of darkness, laser, cotton candy, stardust, steel, diamonds, roses, flowing water and magic. For now, atleast...

To thine own self, be true,
Rain

PS: Trinity has posted the most intensely haunting poem and I really recommend your trip to - https://tealspace.wordpress.com at your earliest disposal (GO NOW. THANK ME LATER!!!)

Get Smart whether you know it or not

2008-07-13T23:40:00.007-04:00

Two weekends have passed since I moved and I am still yet to spend both saturday-sunday nights at my new house. Last weekend was the American Independance Day long weekend and we were in a trip to Virginia and DC. Arunabh has already blogged about it but I am definitely going to have to suppliment that account with a post right here to ensure everyone's perspective is covered. Consider the above a trailer, if you will, for a soon to be released post. How about this past weekend, you may ask, so the story unfolds...

Yesterday was Aneesh's birthday and he is the baby of the group so I came from my new place, back to where I used to stay as the boys' neighbour until a forthnight ago, for his birthday celebration. And what a lovely celebration it was, consisting of Music, Dance, Violence, Comedy and some Romance (ever present if you put so many 23-28 yr olds together in a room). Some Comedy/Violence parts were even captured on tape and posted in a popular video site (courtesy Dinesh who seems to have a penchant for shooting people at their most unfortunate time - being beaten, getting ragged .etc.) I had a brilliant time and spent most of the night/early morning in hysterical fits of laughter.

Celebrations were planned to continue in the afternoon with 'Journey to the center of the Earth' [3D] but exactly 15 mins before the actual start of the showtime planned, it was found out that our friendly neighbourhood movie theatre only offered the 2D version thus draining the very reason why anyone would choose to go to the movie in the first place. By a curious twist of fate, we decided to go to the city to watch movie instead. Yuvaraj and the boys thought we were going to the city theatres to catch 'Journey..' in 3D while us girls were of the firm opinion that we were going to 'Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Naa'. Needless to say there was a bloodless coup ensuring that we ended up going for the latter, much to the chargin of a certain someone. Only, we were an hour and a half early for the next show!

This was highly disorienting for all of us since none of us had previously ever committed the faux paus of being over-early to anyplace. So we stood outside wondering how to kill time when someone said we should go to another movie if only to stay cool for the next hour and a half, so after a quick show of hands we voted to go in for 'Get Smart' and that was a serendiptously wonderful happening. Although he may be a part of the 'Frat Pack' (an astronomical no-no) I am a huge fan of Steve Carell. He simply cracks me up and comes across as a very intelligent, sweet and genuine guy in every character he plays (from The Office to Evan Almighty and to a very teeny-tiny extent 40yr old virgin) and Get Smart movie is such a feel good action comedy/ parody that it plays right into his strengths.

Anne Hathway is a nice surprise; otherwise known for her sugary sweet roles in Princess Diaries duology (is that what they call 2 movies in a series?) and Devil Wears Prada, she really makes you believe she is a badass field agent of C.O.N.T.R.O.L and her chemistry with a much older Steve Carell is really worth mentioning and definitely can't be missed. Rest of the cast also fit their roles so well that its a summer delight as the movie scampers at a brisk pace; a special shout out to Alan Arkin, The Rock and James Caan (a very funny President).
I may not have seen the serial that this movie is based on or the 60s original Get Smart movie but this movie is worth watching by itself (although some insider jokes may have been lost on me) and I sincerely hope the sequel (which are sure to follow) don't butcher all the positivity created here.

I was the last to leave the theatre of Get Smart as the rest were already in the one playing 'Jaane...' or in various stages of getting there. So the price I paid for watching Max Smart mini-harpoon himself yet again was the wonderful melody song that plays endlessly in my iPod this past week - 'Kabhi Kabhi, Aditi...'

When I breathlessly made it in, the young group in the movie were already graduating from college luckily that is when the story really picks up. So Aditi (from the eponymous song, aka Meow) and Jai (Singh Rathore or Rats) are really close among the group of 2 other boys and equal number of girls. As is true in most mixed groups there are mutliple love triangles- Rotlu has a one sided undeclared yet widely known feelings for Aditi (who along with jai is oblivous to it) and Bombs (Sandhya) has a crush on Jai (again...oblivious). And as a consequent resolution the two bond over their unrequited feeings. Jignesh (Jiggy) is a happy person who invites everyone to his own surprise birthday party, who's hair is a highlight (pun intended) and Shaleen is the cool guitar wielding punk dresser who sees what is going on all too clearly., i
The parents, in the film, are a bunch of excellent performancers from the best of yesteryear theatre and telly- Nasiruddin Shah keeps you in splits although he never even exceeds the confines of a frame, Ratna Pathak is the activist lawyer brainwashing her son into non-violence, Kitu Gidwani and Rajat Kapoor are the dark antithesis of the endearing couple of Jayanth Kriplani and Anuradha Patel (the beauty from Shilpa Kumkum covers!!!).
The young cast members have done neat jobs themselves. Good launch pad for the lead pair, aptly used by Imran, but I for one wasnt too impressed by Genelia, who according to my humble opinion has to work on her acting skills because cutie pie looks are transient.
The movie is refreshing, cute and many may connect with the storyline of friendship, how love seems to creep in somewhere unnoticed until its threatened by jealousy. Anyway, here is the spoiler - It ends on a happy note. [what a shocker!]

On the whole, a lovely entertainer with wholesome appeal to the whole family, another winner for Aamir Khan who already wowed yours truely with 'Taare Zameen Pe...' [which is in a whole different level of wonderful]

Doubly plied with feel-good so feeling good-good,
Rain

WALL-E

2008-06-28T15:08:00.004-04:00

The most poignant love story that I have seen in a long while, funnily enough, is between Robots.
I write this post enraptured by Disney-Pixar's "Wall - E"

Its a familiar story- a common guy (robot) meets fleetingly with a very sophisticated girl (robot), way above his league and falls for her immediately. Introduces her to all aspects of his erstwhile lonely existence (earth is evacuated) with his pet (cockroach). She leaves after her work is done and he follows her to deep space [Ahhhhh..........]

Its simply not possible to find love between two beings, this cute and pure had there been humans in place of the gadgety protagonists; a certain sense of cynicism or sarcasm is bound to peek its head. Also the debate of how much does 'love' play a part in the selfless pursuit rather than ...ahem the physical attraction. Here you cant accuse robots of such nefarious ulterior motives.

On the not-so-cute side, this is also a story about how human consumption is going to cost us the earth. Its about taking charge of your home, working for what matters...Struggling to stay in control rather than birds in a gilded cage. Quite obviously, this animation movie is probably best absorbed in all its nuances by the kids inside of adults. And as one such, I recommend this movie.
Its practical in its dystopian prediction for the future but its still a feel-good movie, a very nice one too.

To review the technical effort behind this movie is not my cuppa, I simply don't have the qualification to say anything. However, animation wise, my most favorite parts are the flawless enmeshing of video footage & animation and space travel parts.

To sum up **********

Not your usual cartoon movie,
Rain

Four Days in Beach Paradise

2008-06-23T14:31:00.002-04:00

The Bahamas trip started on a whim to act on dreams that some of us had, of traveling to a beautiful Caribbean island and forgetting normal life, even if it was only for a few days.
The time was May 2008 and the place was Nassau, the capital of the Republic of The Bahamas.

The experiences from those 4 days were so complex, myriad and colorful that I have taken it for granted that I will probably never be able to successfully capture them in my words. All I intend to do here is just put in a few markers to stimulate my memory for a later time so as to recapture the stories and happenings engraved in the secret language of my mind.

Admittedly, its not comfortable for me to extol my virtues or the heights of my feelings of achievement or joy. I don’t even like seeing many ‘I’s in any of the content written (which is probably wrong grammar too).
But in order to best capture the fact that it was me who went about doing these incredible things and seeing beautiful sights in this island that still retains its quaint and picturesque British Colonial flavor, I suppress this aspect of me, and narrate the highlights of my trip-

I smiled non-stop for 2 hours at the sheer familiarity of the land (which seemed a dead ringer for some coastal Indian town) when we landed in Nassau,
I lived in a room which let me gaze into the ocean when I opened my eyes in the morning,
I dove down the Caribbean (where the depth was 65,00 feet, just a trench after where we were) and swam with the Reef Sharks,
I kissed a bottle-nosed dolphin called Salvador who proceeded to show off his football skills,
I swam among the rainbows of fishes in the blue-green lagoon,
I lost $60 dollars in 2 magical nights at The Atlantis,
I jigged on the road side when the parade of drummers and dancers passed us by and they called us to join them.
I drank unbelievable amounts of saline water and still held on to my bearings,
I was stung by Jelly fish while I gazed at a sunken Cessna Airplane made famous in Jaws,
I shopped in straw market where bargaining was the way of life and realized how much I had un-learned it in my time at the US,
I took a self portrait snap, underwater, while snorkeling which was universally reviewed as ‘scary’ among orkut friends,
I felt gratified when the local people called me ‘Pretty Girl’ in their oh-so-exotic lilting Caribbean English,
I ate every lunch in a Thai place which was the solitary source of quality vegetarian food, I played the demure damsel protected by the boys, on the night about town, when we were the only non-locals in Arawak Cay,
I splashed around with my friends in the hotel pool and was unsuccessful in teaching a certain person to swim (to his satisfaction),
I had my photograph taken swinging on a street lamp a-la ‘Singin in the Rain’,
I saw in my minds eye how clearly two people in love just seemed to ‘belong’,
I noted to my surprise that I didn’t mind 4 days without cell phone and internet,
I was happy to jump off the boat into the welcoming waters like a small uninhibited child,
I bought rum cake that Bahamas is famous for (Bacardi factory is situated in Nassau)

All this and a thousand more lovely moments- all of which I remember, most of which I have not documented, forms My Vacation to the Bahamas (a lovely addition to my passport entries). I thank the four other co-travelers for making this very special time so much more wonderful than I had ever hoped. The Bahamas is one place I would definitely revisit in a heartbeat; having said that its only fair to also point that some of us made a pact that when we come back for trip#2 we would be able to live in Atlantis resort (Which has to be seen to be believed)

Travel is the best education and I hope to be a world scholar in that way J

To this world, and beyond!
Rain

Why dont you like me?

2008-05-04T14:06:00.002-04:00

One more song inspired post...with my Ipod having formatted itself (a rare instance of artificial intelligence harakiri), I have been sampling some new delights, music wise.
A friend's post in Orkut linked this live performance of Mika, an artist I havent heard about.
The song was called 'GraceKelly', which intrigued me and I watched the watered down one man performance of the same and was thankful for it.

I read in the notes to the video that he wrote the song as a response to the Music Industry who wanted him to comply to their automated assembly line standards. To me, this could be any one of us at atleast some point of time in our lives, when we are so frustrated that people just dont want to let us be ourselves and you say -to hell with it, like me the way I am.
Its happened quite a lot of times with yours truely and for better or for worse, I am still me.

here are the lyrics, enjoy-
Do I attract you?Do I repulse you?
with my queasy smile?
Am I too dirty?Am I too flirty?
Do I like what you like?

I could be wholesome,I could be loathsome
I guess I'm a little bit shy
Why dont you like me?Why dont you like me?
without making me try?

I try to be like Grace Kelly, But all her looks were too sad
So I try a little Freddie, I've gone identity mad!

I could be brown
I could be blue
I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful
I could be purple
I could be anything you like
Gotta be green
Gotta be mean
Gotta be everything more
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you walk out the door!

How can I help it, How can I help it
How can I help what you think?

Hello my baby, Hello my baby
Putting my life on the brink

Why dont you like me, Why dont you like me
Why dont you like yourself?

Should I bend over? Should I look older
just to be put on the shelf?

I try to be like Grace Kelly, But all her looks were too sad
So I try a little Freddie, Ive gone identity mad!

I could be brown, I could be blue
I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful, I could be purple
I could be anything you like

Gotta be green, Gotta be mean
Gotta be everything more
Why dont you like me?Why dont you like me?
Why dont you walk out the door!

Say what you want to satisfy yourself
But you only want what everybody else says you should want

I could be brown, I could be blue
I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful, I could be purple
I could be anything you like
Gotta be green, Gotta be mean
Gotta be everything more
Why dont you like me?Why dont you like me?
Why dont you walk out the door!

I recommend the song, totally-
Rain

Easy Tonight

2008-04-11T21:55:00.003-04:00

Nothing is easy. Here's something I am listening to a loop thanks to a certain sibling of mine...
From "Five for Fighting"-

You were wrong
You were right
You are gone
Tonight

You were free
So alive
You were wrong
You were right

You were down
You could see
You wore hearts for me

You were sharp
Sharp as knives
You were wrong
You were right

Shot down... said you never had the chance
Took a ride on a suicide romance
Could have sworn there was somebody home
To facilitate the great unknown
Woman, I ain't going to meet you anywhere
Don't know where I'm going yet...
But I sure am getting there

Shotgun fire... anybody home?
I got two dimes in the telephone, Alright...
It's not easy tonight

You were bound
You were free
You wear black for me

You were dark
Dark as night
You were wrong
You were right

Shot down...said you never had the chance
Took a ride on a suicide romance
Could have sworn there was somebody home
To facilitate the great unknown
But woman, I ain't going to meet you anywhere
Don't know where I'm going yet...but I sure am getting there

Shotgun fire... anybody home?
I got two dimes in the telephone
Alright... it's not easy tonight

She's in over my head and it's not easy, it's not easy tonight

You were free. Now your not...You were free

Quote...UnQuote

2008-04-09T13:05:00.003-04:00

The plague of our kind in this world is our innate obsession with oversimplifying anything.
We love our quotes, those condensed concoctions of voluminous philosophy. But one fine day, when you look into your inbox, where there is a new quote everyday sent in by some really enthusiastic person, with some amount of clarity in your otherwise completely pre-occupied head and some time to ponder (which, going by the trend of 2008 can also be defined as "Vacation") there is a chance you might feel slightly irritated with these condescending people of the past pushing their wisdom into your thoughts like cholesterol (the bad kind) in the guise of tasty junk food being pushed into the populace everywhere.
The theme being - "You asked for it. Now Enjoy."

To me, Quotes are simply personal opinions. Just because you are famous in your lifetime and people preserve your words doesnt mean they are essentially right. So many of Yogi Berra's quotes are famous because they are funny (hilarious even). Also, your wise and true observation of something at some point of time ( & History) may not be relevant when the world changes. Sometimes contradictory quotes for the same subject appear equally valid.

I felt the compulsion to state and publish my thoughts on this because of the following words that appeared in front of my face in Monotype Corsiva at 36 size-
" Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life."-Joan Lunden, in Healthy Living Magazine
To me that is utter crap. Granted that the guidelines to life are that you are supposed to stay happy for most of it, but imply that anger/hate/disgust is bad or unnatural is just sticking your head into the sand and pretending there is no sun.
You know which observation makes more sense to me with regards to the subject of the quote?This dialogue from a legendary movie starring a lead actor (called 41 below), who passed away recently.Yes, you remember this one-
"Your eyes are full of hate, Forty-one. That's good. Hate keeps a man alive. It gives him strength." -Quintus Arias
Here's to you Charlie boy! [* raises a plastic beverage holder of Mocha Frapuccino and takes a sip in honor of the newly dead]

One more of the pithys thrust upon my busy mind that I dont accept as taking into account all realities of life-
"Fortune helps the brave." Terence (185 BC - 159 BC), Phormio.
I am not even going to take the trouble to explain why I disagree.

When something is complex or multilayered, acknowledge that fact and give any topic its due. There are things that cannot be summarized into bullet points or amusing quotes. Things are rarely simple and thanks be to god for that!

Overcomplexified & loving it,
Rain

Newfound Narcissism

2008-04-06T22:20:00.003-04:00

Its official...I have put on back whatever weight I had lost, in just 2 weeks of lapsed time.
Nevertheless, the confidence in my looks that I had gotten for the first time, thanks largely to an excellent portrait photo by a friend in law, hasnt waned yet.

Today I had the good fortune to have yet another passably good portrait photo of me taken when I was least expecting it. I was just in my friends' to pick them up on our way to Valabha Ganapati Temple when I walked in on a full-fledged photoshoot and they were kind enough to include me in the last 3 shots. Although, I have firmly become the mayor of AuntyLand, I saw bits of my mother in my photos today and that made me happier about my appearance than I can remember being. She is a handsome woman. If I had more of her in me, I'd be very sought after!

Anyway, one more official news - I like how I look.
May not be earthshaking to most, but its quite significant that one should feel good about themselves. Even most transitory and materialistic parameter like how you look matters to your self image. Your self image in turn matters to your attitude, personality, confidence, how you present yourself to others and ultimately how others will see you. No new findings here, just that I am able to actually accept the stuff I have been just reading about for so long.

Now that I have moved to the pro-marriage camp (not that I was expressly against it at any time, just that I didnt want me married) its quite important that the looks factor and all the psychological issues behind it are sorted out ASAP (hate that word still, yes). I have been asked to make peace with the fact that potential grooms have only my grainy pictures to make up their minds for the first level of showing 'interest' (provided the horoscope, profile, age, vital statistics .etc. are all matching...which is a blooming miracle of probability).

Even if not with the intention of making me more nubile, I hope to atleast convert the new joy of me into wearing uncreased clothes to work and brushing my hair when I go out.

A Model Me,
Rain

A Holi day!

2008-03-23T05:54:00.007-04:00

It probably wouldn't be very far fetched if I were to state that I practically live in India. The demography of the locality of my residence is such that humans of other races are a rarity. I guess there are more firangs in some part of Bangalore [say] than this place!

Today dawned like any other saturday [and here I stop about my rising habits] and my wonderful friends decided at 2 that we are leaving at 3 to go to the New York International Auto Show [how typical really...Men!]. Then at 3.20, I was still at my house looking for something to hold up my recently loose pants [by way of my circumference reducing....Thanks to hectic project!] and made a frantic call to my girl pal who was also coming to ask if I can borrow hers when she informed me that there are people in the corridor waiting to ambush any desi that crosses the vicinity and that she was lulled into opening up the door by one of the guys in our gang [or "The Family" as its being called now on account of the supposed pairings that are rumored to exist]. Next thing she knew, she was colored bright pink by 10 strangers and one grinning turncoat, who she assumed was there to get her since we are going out.

Having listened to this moving story of triumph of human spirit ['Yaam petra sugam, peruga iv vaiyagam' - Let the joy I got be propagated to the rest of the universe], I still reiterated the importance of holding up of my pants for the rest of the day and she agreed to come over.
As I opened the door for her, she told me that "the people" were "attacking" the apt of the guys.

Naturally, I had to look in that direction! [As if anyone could have ever not looked]
Unsurprisingly, I was immediately spotted by the Holi Gang for the crime of still sporting my skin color and they made a turn to my house.
I pulled my friend in with my lightening quick, superhero reflexes and turned the lock of the door with almost suave yet rapid moves before the fastest of the predatory gang could even bring a toe into my threshold. Then I proceeded to calmly announce to the guests of my roommate about the dangers lurking outside, jerking them off from the comfortable states of relaxation that they were indulging in, in our living room. Meanwhile, outside there was a curious silence after some rapid shuffling of footsteps and I posed the question of whether anyone was outside [to no one in particular]...pat came a reply of my other friend from the other side of the firmly locked door [one of the guys who was 'attacked']
"They are here", he said [Poltergeist theme music plays].

Immediately there were thundering knocks that broke the spell of uneasy silence which had settled by then. Indistinct cries were heard which I assumed were encouraging me to open the door and introduce some color into my house and my rather terrified guests. I yelled to my unseen door knockers and asked them to not proceed with their plans as I had guests; an attempt which even I knew was nothing more than a grand gesture [Like when Moses marched up to a mighty Pharaoh and said - Let my people GO!...except, not as great as that]

Then, at that very nick between consecutive subdivisions of time, I knew what needed to be done. I marched out and firmly locked the door behind me. My state of readiness to go out be damned!
"Happy Holi" I said to the lively enthusiastic group of my countrymen [and I include women here] and they greeted me with a non-uniform and out of sync version of the same celebratory wish and proceed to turn me green and yellow. They were also kind enough to have me partake the Holi sweets and made my day even more wonderful!

Happy Holi, all...Spring is Welcome regardless of the name of the actual festival.
Go out and hug your neighbour, develop that feeling of community and make someone's day!

cannot take an Indian out of India ;)
Rain

Jaggery fusion & character search

2008-03-17T20:15:00.004-04:00

Worked this weekend. Made Kozhukattais.

First batch came out well, second batch came fused and melted out of shape. My reviewers give it high rating for taste...I still think they are just being nice.

My office Bimbo status has spread into my social life with my rapid blinking at the midnight-early morning card marathon on sunday featuring me at my worst, slowest, uncomprehending version. The rest of the assembly had a good time ragging me for my alleged search for a 'junk character'...they intercepted a 3 AM call from my offshore and chose bits from my side of the conversation to concoct some racy story bearing no semblance to my sub par life.

Havent shot pool in a while and think that my amateur status may have undergone further demotion to novice yet again. As such, when anyone says 'ball in hand' everyone surreptitiously steals glances at me.

Someone, I greatly admire responded to my birthday wishes for him and asked if I read anything interesting lately. [Hollow mirthless laugh]

Migrations almost everyday and UAT client meetings at noon. My application stubbornly refuses to get any better and my boss isnt the 'cup half full' kinda guy so all around there is raining in the parade.[not a good rain]

Winds of change are blowing this way...nothing will remain the same again.

Change-resistant,
Rain

Keys to organization

2008-03-13T01:29:00.004-04:00

As a part of the training team headed by a tremendous spirit, I pretty much contribute nothing to the content of the sessions taken by him. He is a really highly placed executive with awesome energy and enthusiasm and its really inspiring to see how he works.

His last session was on "Organization". As part of the training team which supposedly compiles the content for the session, [100% the efforts of Big Boss all by his very brilliant lonesome], I get previews to the ppts and things he mentioned there struck a vein.

Read somewhere that if you can, at any point of time be able to locate as many of the following articles belonging to you without having to search for it, then it means you are not as hopelessly indisciplined as you would imagine [because, after all we always think the worst of ourselves]-
Your wallet, Your keys, Your office Ids, Your mobile phone[its charger], Your commute cards/change.

Me and Keys have "no love lost" relationship. This means that they have no love for me since I lose them a lot. Same goes with the rest of the articles above, but being stranded without house keys is a very poignant situation and I wonder why there were no major tragedies written on the subject. What is more utterly horrifying than sudden homelessness?

When I was living in my previous location in the States [part of my new drive to not reveal much...lets see how long that lasts] I locked myself and my roommate out, twice. Both times we were happy at Aafi's house and slept over to get the keys next morning [excuse to go late to office and wake up at 9 AM]. The one time that I left my house keys at office and came home to pick up a critical document that would lead to my getting repaid a significant amount, in my new place of residence, I had my friend come home early and went over to his house until my roommates arrived.
The fiscal loss however was a major motivation for me to keep my keys safe and I have had them since.

Today was entirely a different matter. I was in the audience section for this and a couple of nice girls are locked out. Dont worry for them because there is a whole gang of boys out to help them [as expected in any classic damsels in distress situations] and of course, there is always me [saving the world before bed time]
Not the time to gloat in what Roop calls "Relative Feel-Badness" but at least to note that Organized people are a minority and probably an endangered species. The movie "Idiocracy" expresses this not so secret message that we [Homo Sapien Sapiens] are evolving into morons.. The point of organization or remembering where you left your keys becomes moot if you are a drooling simpleton [my attempt at "Reframing a situation" :P]

Keying in,
Rain

Insecti-Lore

2008-03-04T00:50:00.004-05:00

My baby steps to directing a romantic comedy were thwarted by the cruel fates tonight.

There I was minding my own business when some lady on the street thrust 2 small boxes on my hand and very affably said - "Bizarre Foods at 10". I didnt think I could argue with that, so I left.
On my way to office I realized what had been given...1 box of sour cream and onion flavored crickets and another box of bacon and cheese flavored crickets.
Back in Office when we were wrapping up (for the night...its been quite long since I've seen evening) I took a video of A friend of mine eating one of the legs. "Its crunchy", she exclaimed.
Hence started my pet project to film as many open minded non-vegetarians as possible.

There is a very sad couple of friends/co-workers, where I live, who in the confines of our collective imagination, are crazy about each other. There was a loose plan to make a love story involving the Hero impressing the Heroine by munching the crickets and then she looking at him with dewey eyes and gasping- "You love me. You really love me!"

The friend who I initially filmed assured me that the guy was really cool and he wouldnt hesitate about eating the insects. The girl in the question (one who is being teased) also decided to be a good sport and was okay with giving the insect to the guy. Unfortunately, the premised to bring the person over to the house itself was very contrived and the guy brought in reinforcements [unexpected villian, throwing monkey wrench into the works] with him in alarm.

As a result, the giving the insect in hand became hiding insect in cake. Those mutinous dead insects didnt remain in hiding and the whole thing flopped. But all around the sportive folks partook the morsels [ate the crickets] but I didnt take videos in honor of their broadminds.

One important lesson:
Sneaky practical jokes are not my thing. I should have nothing to do with them now, just like I have had nothing to do with them for all of my life so far. Apparently , orchestrating one is very hard work and great planning. If I wanted to think so much, I would live in my office.

Chastened and sorry,
Rain

One Among Many

2008-03-03T01:41:00.004-05:00

If there is one thing about our generation [and by that, I mean the ancients born in the early eighties...those stone ages] that clearly branches away from those who spawned us, its that we are more individualistic.
Most of us are flourishing, even when living alone; a concept that would've made someone from our parent's generation into a blubbery mess of codependencies. This is probably why they had you by the time they were your age, whereas in your world, signal for your peeps to start ragging you with anyone [however much of a stretch they have to make to do it] is if you happen to go out with them on two consecutive weekends. That is how uncool commitment is.

Being around people all the time, yet not having any deep relationships makes us actually disconnect with what is going on with folks our age inside of the private cells of our minds where our inner creatures run loose. Everything you face, seems to happen only to you in the entire mapped universe. So toad in the well...
Its reassuring to suddenly glance into some posts and see a connection - some related thoughts, an share experience...to know- You are just one of many. Going through the normal phases.

Say, you end up getting needlessly angry as to how unfair it is that people expect you to just 'meet' someone and marry that guy. You reason -Does that ever just happen? This day and age, who do you ever get to just meet a stranger?
You go to office, you come back home. You go out with friends only and since they are your friends, you have already met them.

But guess what? Its okay, that people bug you as to why you havent met Mr.Right. The question is not personal by any means...apparently its custom to ask that to anyone of your age group who isnt married, engaged, committed, seeing someone, seeing many people or multiple picks of previous options. Just in the last half hour I have read 2 posts of similar theme written by two very smart and honest women. :)

Say, you go to work everyday not knowing why you even bother. Every dream is to run away to some place unconnected by internet where no one knows your office mail id...You feel bad thinking you are so weak when facing your daily karma and then you read abt someone who also isnt thrilled with his work or wants to run away. It almost brings a smile to your face.
Not calmed that they are having issues; just that you arent the only one to have them and that its almost rite of passage.

Its a good thing I returned to writing and reading blogs, otherwise it would've been brutal to withstand peer pressure, thinking your are the only single 26 yr old of your profile in the Tri-state area, not very 'gruntled' with work. Oh and those are just examples...keep looking and you will see connections to everything.

I like my happiness personalized to me, the other part is better default/general.

Look ma, i am writing!
Rain

Awake...at last!

2008-02-29T01:12:00.003-05:00

This blog post is dedicated to me.
Its addressed to me by myself and I will probably be the only person to read it also.

Funnily enough, sounds like I may have developed God Complex erstwhile known to affect only Cardiac and NeuroSurgeons [the alphas of medicine jungle], but its an outcry from an isolated padded cell I have created for my own expression [and I am not talking about the facial variety here]

Didn't I love to write? Wasn't I that exuberant person who was vocal with joy and sadness at equal measure? What happened that turned me completely around?

Can't figure out for the life of me. Just like Forrest Gump started running one fine day all the way until he suddenly decided to stop, I just didn't write for very very long and now have decided to break that. Just as good, at least I have taken baby steps away from the well I have been croaking in for the past years...

I will probably not make any money from this even if I were to add google adsense simply because I am not as good-as others, as I used to be, as required for making money with blogs in adsense...fill any option. What the heck, go crazy fill all the options...they fit anyway.
wait, there is more - I don't write about anything that google adsense can take keywords out of, because its all about ME and I am in no way connected with any commerce that can sell.
Yet I want to start writing again, rusty and degenerated as the posts maybe, I will start flexing my stiff muscles of creativity or expression. I should get good eventually, odds are good for regular practice to cause some improvements.

I feel an awakening today, to break out from the monotony of my mundane life; to get better, to be happy and not numb. I WANT ADRENALINE, ENDORPHINS - something...
I want a sensory load of new sights, sounds and experience...I want to KNOW, LEARN and UNDeRSTAND. I am clean slate waiting to be etched on...I am Joe's beginner enthusiasm...

Consciously want to avoid channelling Joe from Fight Club into my soul; its becoming disturbingly easy to connect with a drone who turns into a sociopath.
Valmiki would be the ideal...the primitive hunter who turns into an erudite sage and composes a masterpiece that survives the ages.

I could do with a surge of electricity to switch on my brain circuitry...Someone provide a boost!
Life is so transitory, I want to be alive for every moment of it...to savor all of its flavors and not stay boring and bland. Inactivity begone!

I WANT TO FLY, I WANT TO FEEL.
HELLO WIDE WORLD, SHOW ME YOUR WONDERS...

Re-started,
Rain

Rock Bottom

2007-10-23T18:27:00.000-04:00

Pondering over the things that could possibly make a person hit this fabled extreme, I have drawn the following list-
A. Loss (of friends/loved ones) and/or Separation
B. Being broke
C. Having no prospects at all in studies and/or work
D. Homelessness and instability

What if someone is so lucky as to say yes to all of the above choices...Are they so deep down that a nadir seems like an eyerie?

Top 3 Cliched ways to see the bright side of crashing and burning -
3. There is no other way to go but up
2. You have nothing left to lose
and since we dont have any creditable image to live up to, lets entangle in the mesh of cliches and declare the winner #1 "its always darkest before dawn"

I'm so happy that I cant stop crying,
Rain

Autogenerated Fortune

2007-10-21T03:10:00.000-04:00

This is a really unfunny fortune predicted for me-
Today's fortune: You and your wife will be happy in your life together

Auto-generated crappy fortune predicting software is chauvinistic!
:(

Will me and my husband be happy in my life together?
[Where is he, BTW]
Rain

Limerick of Silence

2007-10-18T16:04:00.000-04:00

Today I finished a significant task
but not in a way that, in joy, I can bask

Its just done
and a friend, if you're one

Nothing more about it, you will ask...

:(
Rain

A mutlitude of topics

2007-10-11T17:21:00.000-04:00

Some people I like, like to cook and take great pride and joy in making culinary masterpieces and delicacies. One of them knows that she can set up a rocking restaurent if ever she feels the need to stop making money for an uncaring, faceless computer company and the other wants to run away and join the team in "Ace of Cakes" [For the uninitiated and those who dont watch the Food Network, these guys can make a whole cake typewriter!]

Me? I cook to eat and not vice versa (or was the question originally live to eat vs. eat to live??)The fact that I am alive and rotound should clearly be a shining tribute to the smackiness of my preparations and I have nothing to say/prove to those yukking smartypants who like to pretend that I cant cook. [mentally include a swear word for them...thanks]But lets proceed to that all important activity for life sustenance - Eating.

Of late my feelings for this once "strictly mandatory hence I am doing it" act has changed to that of "ooh i would like to eat that and that and that......" :) and love springs eternal!
I have become a foodie, my people!

Does that spell furthering of my width-wise expansion? profound yet logical train of thought says YES.
Is it going to make any difference? probability of me ever finding out that I am the Fattest person ever is zilch, so what is the big difference in being fatter than a million and 24567 people as opposed to be fatter than a million?Zilch again! Hence the munching continues.

Forces of evil (Read-the fashion industry) are trying to stop this run of food enjoyment by subliminal messaging in a not so subtle way. of all the places in a trouser, they have printed a string of keywords in a loop around the waistband that says "Feel Feminine Discover Be Confident Beautiful...." etc in pretty italics only so that the wearer while casting her eyes on them will feel the obligation to stay away from anything that affects the waist. But the dark side is not getting to me one bit as the following have a stronger hold on yours truely - Potato dishes, Burrito Bols, Soy burgers, Subs, Pop Corn, icecream, waffles, Spicy Veggies....Ummmmmmmmm [author drools and the keyboard short-circuits]

Speaking of pants, I have inadvertantly stolen the innocence of two of my male friends while venting the unfair practices of the sadistic fashion industry by depriving women the essence of trousers - the pockets. I also rectified the situation by asking them to feign surprise/ignorance when their significant lady discusses this with them. That may seem not so positive but it will prevent the following scenario:
Her: So my keys/lipstick/card is in the handbag somewhere [rummages a trendy bag that once used to be a part of some reptile]
Him: [typical lack of patience] I wonder why you have to mess with putting everything in that bag. It'd be a lot better if you had pockets in your pants like I do.
Her: [bag forgotten, focussing lasers on the target] How did you ever find out that womens pants dont have pockets...[Quick flashback of dialogues from several Romance novels/movies - "You are the only girl/lady/woman in my life"]
Him: Um...Ahh....Uhhh [a dull alarm ringing sound in the back of the head indicating fatal danger prevents any coherent thought]
[Everything goes black and there is a shrill scream of a dying animal]

So with the weather turning wet and chilly and me not having enough exercise to justify the eating, I am going to have to rethink my new love, but not right away [Eternal Procastinator]. Yes, Fall has arrived late this year but it has and several batches of my friends have made the pilgrimage to New Hampshire with due religious fervor. I was planning to go last weekend but there was no accomodation available [I mean the Columbus weekend had 60K people going into that tiny little state] and whatever was bookable seemed to have the following words (occuring one or more times) to describe itself - Romantic, Couple, Firelight, Jacuzzi, Getaway, Rekindle, Honeymoon, Wedding...which by itself was a big turn off for me, but the honest version of the rooms description should've used the following words - Old, overpriced, wishful thinking, no free breakfast, is he kidding me, expensive as hell, what-would-I-do-with-a-jacuzzi-in-the-living-room.etc.

Thats ok, I have better, more rocking travelling plans that makes these Fall Drive tours to pale in comparison!:)

Eat, Drink and Be Merry,
Rain

Tale of the Two Cities

2007-09-12T11:56:00.000-04:00

I am a super-charged NewYorker during the workweek daytime and a change back to a mild mannered Jersey Girl at other times. I embrace my dual identities and happily too.
Funnily enough, it fits and isnt as contrary as one might expect. Having managed the transition from small-town girl (where everyone on the street practically knows your name and what you had for breakfast) without even blinking, I smoothly enmeshed myself into the routine that best serves the fact that I work in New York and live in the neighbouring Garden state.
Of course, I had help; Vijay to help with the office related settling-in and Ratheesh helped me find my groove in the svelte sophistication of Newport, Jersey City.

I never thought I would feel this way, but I like the bee-hive activity in the Big Apple and the constant buzz of people doing things. I like submerging into the sea of humanity and being led into and out of trains and while crossing the streets. There is simply no time for gossip and nose-poking here, its just not NY.
Rules here are simple and very primeval - "Keep Going or Get out of the way". This penchant for efficiency and productive non-intrusive outlook hasnt taken away the souls of the populace, if at all the vibrant culture and flourishing art, architecture, music and theatre are any parameters to go by.

Although treated with apparent disdain by the "natives", the vibes in Jersey City are by no means rural or pastoral as the polished cousins across the Hudson would like us to believe. Although its true that NJ is practically majority Indian with a smattering of the other nationalities, the people are smart, glamorous and ubercool too. If you arent up to going beserk in the 7th Avenue shops (after looking at pricetags) or find it ok to breeze in and out of Millenium Hilton (having eaten and paying the bill there) then Jersey City is probably slumming. But I am in the median of the population's per capita income and I like the close-to-home feel of Jersey and am looking forward to shopping in the 'Indian' street in Journal Square, eating at the Indian eateries in Edison, going to the Temple in Bridgewater and visiting Brinda in the family suburb of Brunswick.

An element of surreality is the place where I live, its a luxury furnished apartment in a high-rise and it overlooks the Newport Marina (where the rich people park their yachts), the Hudson river and the eternal lights of the Manhattan skyline. I have a doorman with a reception desk (replete with the uniform and the gold buttons) and my lobby looks like something from a Karan Johar movie set. To make things worse, I practically occupy the whole house by myself and have gotten even more spoiled with my idea of "space".

Independance and Freedom is in every atom here - you cook if you want or go out and eat, you stay in if you want or go jogging at 1 AM on the Hudson walkway, you save-up if you can or go shopping at the Newport Mall, you can drive or walk where ever or take a train to anyplace, you can internalize all you want and no one will bother you or you could surround yourself with people and be out all the time; Its your choice and there are no constraints here [except those of the financial kind, which we will not focus on just to keep our sanity].

In short, I am living it and loving it- the Desi take on the American Dream.

Happy at last,
Rain

The Ultimatum

2007-08-26T11:18:00.000-04:00

With the weekend and having to stay immobile for the nursing of the sprained ankle, I naturally turned to the movies and saw - My Sassy Girl, Kanda Naal Mudhal, Chak De India, YOu Me and Dupree, Bourne Ultimatum, so far.
No prizes for guessing which one of the movies is my absolute craze!

I am a HUGE fan of the Robert Ludlum written trilogy that the movies were inspired from and am usually hard to please with the movie interpretation even if I hated the book; but Paul Greengrass has done such a slick, smart job with the revamped version of the Bourne adventures as to actually meet with my approval!

The third installment- The Bourne Ultimatum is my total favorite from the trilogy as its an out and out thriller in the action genre and the pace of the movies never sags. You will never see the lead character spend time in the mundane activities like - eating, sleeping, walking in a normal pace. He is always on an overdrive, hopping between countries with the ease of visiting your bathroom, speaking in the local language with the fluency of the local (Russian, Spanish? Not a challenge to our behaviorally modified hero), having no concern for anything remotely fiscal (some bottomless bank account he has...), dodging bullets, saving the maiden (who is not a Bimbo, refreshingly enough, nor his love interest!), finding the truth about himself, dealing with his scattered memories, exposing the 'Big Brother' ruthlessness of the CIA and jumping from the rooftops with feline grace and aplomb. I am smitten!

If you want to know the story [which I admit, takes the backseat in the last 2 bourne movies], I would recommend, renting the DVD or better yet watching in the Theatre with friends who appreciate this movie!

The Soundtrack of the Bourne Movies is embodied by the very stylish sounds from the very addictive "Extreme Ways" by Moby. I believe that techno doesn't have "heart" but Moby's songs are an exception to this. I have been listening to the song in a loop since i finished the movie.
Click here to visit the page and select to "watch" for 'Extreme ways' [although I recommend closing your eyes and visualizing Bourne creating havoc internationally, set in tune with the sounds playing!]
I loved the ending (inspite of knowing that its going to happen)...even though it didn't exactly tie up all the loose threads (possibility of more Bournes?). This is the first Ultimatum that I thoroughly enjoyed. :D

Bourne-Again,
Rain.

A Twist in the tale...

2007-08-26T00:37:00.000-04:00

Was it the gemstone earrings sent with a special dash of my parents' blessing? Was it that Saturn moved away from the house of my sign? Was it just that there was an opportunity and my current team thought me expendable? Who knows or cares?
All that needs to be highlighted is that I have just completed my last day with a project I was involved in for the better part of my entire career and am moving on to a new Project, new role in a new team in a new location. If that wasn't enough of a twist in the story, I went to the Bryan Adams concert on a totally wet night and simply because we turned up, our lawn tickets were upgraded to the enclosure ones!
One blemish on the exuberance of the entire evening was my flare up with Gow [Who decided to be behave like a complete *&*%@#$&*#@% without any reason]. Some good friendships die this way...
With a fresh new start to life, I decided to revamp my wardrobe with clothes selected by people with some aesthetic sense of fashion and had a happy time doing so, the last weekend. Since Parveen and Aafia are back to India by this tuesday, they came with us too and we had a total blast!
First time in my adult life I feel like I look good [my fruitless attempts at losing weight aside] and people agree with me [isn't that a first ever occurrence of that or what?]
Just when we thought things will settle down now, I had a very uncomfortable last week with farewells everyday [after which people looked continually surprised to see me haunting the corridors, as if I was some undead creature]. I have been parroting to everyone I see that I will continue in my cube until the end of the first week of September when I actually leave.
After jubilantly surviving the "Official" last day, when I was just walking home last night I managed to keep my life eventful by inadvertently spraining my ankle but twisting it, might I add - powerfully.

As a result my plans to quench my thirst for knowledge at the Carnegie Museum of Natural History and Art were fizzled out and I had to end up apologising to the 2 kind souls who had agreed to accompany me in the first place - Srividya and Vicky.

So I am now getting used to being waited on and being handed my food and anything else I would like ;)
It also helps that my friends are calling in every part of the day - morning, afternoon, evening and night to check on my condition, making me feel really cherished. Only furrow in my happy face is the worry that my ankle might not heal in time for my first day in the new project - Monday or further that it might remain weak during my much awaited, long anticipated, most carefully planned vacation to the Grand Canyon [woo hooooo!]

Having so much free time and restricted movement, my thoughts turn to the 2 movies I have seen recently - My Sassy Girl [Thanks to the persistent effects of SriVidya] and Kanda Naal Mudhal [Which I have seen so many times, I can't count]
The Girl being naturally more dominant than the Boy, slapping the guy is common to both. Needless to say, I enjoyed it as a variation of the usual, man slapping some sense to the girl approach that works so wonderfully in the Indian Movies [Stereotypically, of course].

The count down to my GrandCanyon trip, the NY Move and the India vacation is a constant ticker in my mind :D [Yaaaaaaaaaaaay] and it gets me through the day.

Upbeat despite the swollen ankle [or is it too much icecream?]
Rain

Lucky Sevens...

2007-07-10T23:39:00.000-04:00

07/07/07 was supposed to be the luckiest day of the century, so much so that lots of couples married that day, mothers delivered that day (planned c-section, I assume) and there was a lot of praying and contrastingly merry-making.

To me it was just another saturday- waking up late, talking to my folks, playing with the baby...
But I got lucky when the performance I was slated to go to but was routed off to someone else, came back to me at 5 PM. Within the hour, I found myself in the Post-Gazette Pavilion listening to REO SpeedWagon perform live....
Those numbers they belted out were older than I was and still they rocked. Styx followed suit and got the crowd on their feet, then came the main act - DEF LEPPARD.
That's right, Ladies and Gentlemen, Rain has attended, enjoyed and freaked out at a DEF LEPPARD Concert!

Aug 4 and 5 are back-to-back unmissable concerts with Korn and Evanesance followed by none other than the master himself, Bryan Adams; in the very same hallowed venue where Aerosmith played last June with Motley Crue opening for them (which I missed, unfortunately).

I dont know how I will manage, but I will attend those concerts as well...God willing.

Somebody up there likes me :)
Rain

Its just a little____

2007-06-26T20:58:00.002-04:00

A picture is worth a thousand words and a thousand words arent enough to describe what I am about to say. But I dont quit. Here goes-

I am Human and other songs

2007-06-15T23:00:00.000-04:00

The reaction to this title can be twofold. The usual one is - "I noticed" and the more whimsical one would be - "Really? You don't say!"
Ha ha aside, this is the name of the song that my sister and I used to like, when the titles of "Charmed" came. After a sudden refresh of memory, I googled the song out and here are the lyrics:
I am the sun
I am the Earth
All the shyness that is criminally vulgar
And some of them
Are nothing in particular

You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way?
I am human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does

It's just sad that you have to go
You could be somebody
That really loves you
So you go and you stand on your own
And you go home
And you cry and you want to die

And you say it's gonna happen now
But when exactly do you leave?
See, I've already waited too long
And all my hope is gone

You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way?
I am human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The other show soundtrack I really liked and hunted for- Superman by Lazlo Bane from 'Scrubs' [That Zach Braff is a dish!] Its very sweet, earnest and full of common man's angst:

Out the door just in time
Head down the 405
Gotta meet the new boss by 8 a.m.
The phone rings in the car
The wife is workin' hard
She's running late tonight again

Well
I know what I've been told,
You got to work to feed the soul
But I can't do this all on my own
No, I know, I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman

You've got your love online
You think you're doing fine
But you're just plugged into the wall

And that deck of tarot cards
Won't get you very far
There ain't no hand to break your fall

Well
I know what I've been told
You gotta know just when to fold
But I can't do this all on my own
No, I know, I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman

That's right

You've crossed the finish line
Won the race but lost your mind
Was it worth it after all

I need you here with me
Cause love is all we need
Just take a hold of the hand that breaks the fall

Well I know what I've been told
Gotta break free to break the mold
But I can't do this all on my own
No I can't do this all on my own
I know that I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman

Someday we'll be together
I'm no Superman
Someday
Someday we'll be together
Someday
I'm no Superman

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The draw for me is that, they both are really good songs and they are unpretentiously frank about the fact that they don't deal with anything in superlatives. Not about rich, strong or beautiful people doing extraordinary feats or landmark achievements. Not your usual song about love, scorned love, spurned love or soured love. Best of all- it is not a garish flesh display with lyrics on the anatomy. These songs embrace the aspects of being just human - pain, sadness, frustration, hope, love [but in a tasteful quantity], dignity, acceptance and chance.

Then I began to look for more compilations oked by Zach Braff then I found out that the song I raved about in my earlier post called 'Let Go' by frou frou [voice-Imogen heap] was his choice for his movie- 'Garden State', which he scripted and directed [what is not to love?]. So I began to look for more songs he selected and two songs from the same band featured in the soundtrack - New Slang and caring is creepy, both by The Shins. I think both are 'grow into' type of songs, very cerebral and intense, once again angst ridden and open to misery of existence.

These new crop of songs and artists are the next generation of alternate indie rock, ready to take the baton from the likes of REM, Oasis [to a limited extent], Radiohead, Nirvana [who's sound I identify with though I cant figure out why], Red Hot Chilli Peppers [of before], Smashing Pumpkins, Pearl Jam, Alanis Morisette and achieve eternal glory in the universe of the Rock-heads [there arent so many of us anymore...we are a dying breed like the 'Nightwalkers']

I also made a re-discovery of the relevance of retro songs when I chanced upon 'The Thomas Crown Affair' (original starring that dashing Steve McQueen) and listened to the award winning 'Windmills of your mind' which is almost poetic in its lyrical appeal, its about someone dealing with their feelings after the end of a relationship. Its not very exceptionally sung, but its very attractive in its sound -

Round,
Like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel,
Never ending on beginning,
On an ever-spinning reel
Like a snowball down a mountain,
Or a carnival balloon
Like a carousel that's turning
Running rings around the moon
Like a clock whose hands are sweeping
Past the minutes on its face
And the world is like an apple
Spinning silently in space
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind!

Like a tunnel that you follow
To a tunnel of its own
Down a hollow to a cavern
Where the sun has never shone
Like a door that keeps revolving
In a half-forgotten dream
Like the ripples from a pebble
Someone tosses in a stream.
Like a clock whose hands are sweeping
Past the minutes on its face
And the world is like an apple
Spinning silently in space
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind!

Keys that jingle in your pocket
Words that jangle in your head
Why did summer go so quickly?
Was it something that I said?
Lovers walk along a shore
And leave their footprints in the sand
Was the sound of distant drumming
Just the fingers of your hand?
Pictures hanging in a hallway
or the fragment of a song,
half-remembered names and faces
but to whom do they belong?
When you knew that it was over
Were you suddenly aware
That the autumn leaves were turning
To the color of her hair?

Like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel
Never ending or beginning
On an ever-spinning reel
As the images unwind
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Its great to sample new songs and sounds as I had stuck to the old favorites for the past year.
Opening my mind to newer horizons via my auditory sense, which also reassures me that I am not deaf as I suspected, you know, with prolong use of head phones and all...

On an unrelated note, I have been promised some footage in another blog, Mythoughtwaves, that is penned (or keyed, if you will) by the very comprehensive blogger - VJ. Lets see if he keeps his word and soon my fame can re-spread :)

Active Listener,
Rain

My Rocking Life

2007-06-09T17:45:00.000-04:00

If there is one aspect of my living in the land of milk and honey that is hands-down without a bad side, not even a gray lining and is 100% Agmark certified all Good, then its this – I can go to rock concerts here.

I got into rock at around age 13 and have stayed firm to that despite being comfortable with my other aspect of enjoying carnatic vocal and instrumental with all my iyer proclivity for it. Soon as my sister grew up, I had a partner in crime and she took to the genre of music like fish to water. Then we had a in-sync period where we would shut ourself in the room, block out all sources of light – natural or otherwise and headbang without inhibition to the raw and elevating sounds of Metallica and U2. Our parents knew about it, yet they were too scared to see us showing symptoms of possession, so generally let us do out thing uninterrupted.

Then the disciple took over from the Guru and went leaps ahead; she turned traitor to the cause of legitimate rock and became a boy-band fanatic like all the air-headed pre-teens. She decided that she didn’t think techno was too synthetic, embraced mainstream western music in all its commercial crassness and we started to go our separate ways since.

Here, I met Gowtham in September of 2006 and learned that he is one of ‘us’ [Us being the lost tribe of Rock worshippers who all died out when natural selection favored pop worshippers]. He told me that I had missed going to the Aerosmith open-air concert, right here at the steel city [AEROSMITH – I am not worthy!!!…*groveling actions*]. We then proceed to, as a group (having been joined by the ultra cool Avanthika) haunt the nearby concerts, thus providing me to strike off the following Gods of Rock from my list of “Perfomances to see before the artists die…” [I mean, C’mon they live lives of – Heavy Fuel a.k.a Sex, Drugs and Violence]

Guns and Roses

The debate of Slash vs. Axl Rose aside, this was a totally awesome experience and I was so thrilled to be right there when the strains of ‘November Rain’ filled the stadium. Me and fellow rock head Gow went all out and fell for ‘There was a time’ from the forthcoming Chinese Democracy and I will be happy to endorse that there is a whole lot of ROCK in GnR left to unleash into the mundane universe!

Nickelback

What is not to love about Nickelback? They are a quintessential basic rock band – heady guitar and drums sounds, Meaningful lyrics and a very good frontman. We had a totally wonderful time at the concert, despite us reaching there a full 3 hours after the concert began [thanks to Friday evening office traffic at downtown Forbes Avenue], our loss was missing Three Days Grace play. I wore my ‘Motley Crew’ rock Tee and got appreciation from the passersby and then I knew (probably for the first time) what complete acceptance by a crowd feels like!

That was the day I taught Aafiya to make the universal symbol of rock, which she is yet to master, and say “Rooooocckkkk!” with attitude, which she has down to pat :D

G3 – Joe Satriani

This one was not my idea. Admittedly I listened to ‘Rubina’s Blue Sky’ on some lazy Saturday afternoon in fm and introduced Joe Sat to my sister. I don’t accept any responsibility to the consequences which finally have now led to her becoming the High Priestess of G3 worship. Any how, Gow and Sow by their independent efforts sold me into going for this concert. My hesitation was incremented by the fact that the concert happened 2 weeks after my having imitated Jill [who came tumbling after] in my staircase. Nevertheless, I went, it was a different parallel universe where were almost no vocals and Guitar was all and I was glad for the learning.

Now I am all hungry to catch the following (In no particular order or associated priority) –

Aerosmith
Sting
Bryan Adams
U2
Metallica

[At the mention of each of these illustrious names, the author goes back into grovelling slave mode]

These are just in my “MANDATORY” tag. I would love to catch other performances of significant bands and Individuals who I admire, during my stay here, given of course the requirements of - company to go with, travel to and from venue, reasonable ticket prices are met.

Let me wind down the post, by dedicating it to Gowtham who married a wonderful girl called Kavi on 6^th in Chennai.
Congratulations Buddy!
God Bless and hope you guys, ROCK!

Rain

Yet another Pool post

2007-06-06T22:30:00.001-04:00

Water is a very expressive element and it has given its siren call to bring me back into its fold. When someone decides to go the Metallica way and decides that not caring for what people will say works best for them, it brings a certain kind of freedom that not many legit people get.

I am no Michael Phelps or Ian Thorpe but I like swimming and I no longer care that people I know will get to see me in a suit (which is a misnomer, since it doesn’t really ‘suit’ me in the conventional sense of the term) so I took the pool pass and decided to spend my summer usefully.

The first time back in the pool was like reincarnation- very dicey at first but it all comes back with a wonderful sense of blurring the gap, the time when you had stayed landlocked. This time was especially good because I was the only swimmer and made me feel like those filthy rich retired CEOs who have houses overlooking Central Park where Spanish nannies take their twins every evening. Oh yeah, two lifeguards who’s only mission was watching me (in case I decide to drown in 5 feet of water). A nice couple of kids, I felt, probably students from CMU, UPitt or Duquesne because they alternate between playing videogames on their phone and studying fat books.

I started off at 5 feet and the width of the already miniscule pool was a challenge to hold a single breath and cross. But I was relearning fast, before the end of 10 minutes I was able to hold breath and flit across. Then alternating every lap with backstroke and progressively increasing the depth, I finally reached the deepest part – 9 feet.
At that point, I realized that all fear of the water, breathing, depth and drowning had completely left me with even a slight trace of hesitation and sweet elation filled my thoughts.

Life is so simple when you are swimming on your back; all you can see is the endless sky and peacefully transitory clouds and all you think about is your breathing.
Freestyle is slightly less pretty, with a working pair of swimming goggles you can see all the dirt at the bottom of the pool in absolute clarity and if you suspect that you might be mildly obsessive compulsive then its better your eyes are closed.

So I waded, swam, floated, dived and played around for as long as I wanted and then I got out, the ugliness of life wafted in – I was sticky, feeling hot and breaking into angry red rashes. The allergy made sense when I recollected the state of cleanliness the bottom of the pool was in. But all the blotches aside, the best thing I ever did for myself lately has been to buy the pool pass.

The next pool post will be about mortgages and mutual funds, just for a change because I decided that any chance I get to flaunt my scholarly knowledge in Capital Markets, I must use.

Moral of the story: Water good, Land bad. No, no, just kidding…or am I?

Water sign,
Rain

Back from black

2007-05-28T22:46:00.000-04:00

Blogging is a love, a saviour when I felt my mind slipping away into a semi-coma from the frustrations of life. I gave up on it because of intense irritation from some other disgusting, gross, needlessly painful phase. I wanted to clear my head and purge some rank, septic elements from there before I approach something I used to do well and used to love doing.

Something worth doing should be worth doing well and writing requires a good focussed head. I I am proud to say I am past my demons, I have come to terms with the bad decisions I made on who to trust to what extent and I think I have broken clean from the quicksand. I have returned to reading, news, movies, public speaking and prayer...things that enrich me and make me happy.

Writing would definitely follow those because this is the activity that requires most work, research, interest, commitment. In short, you have to be in the zone, in sync with your universe, chi should flow uninterrupted otherwise it would never work. You could stare at your empty 'Create' page in Blogger all week and NOTHING; Well meaning, interested, bossy or sycophantic people could dedicate their lives to inspiring you to hit the keys again for a range of reasons and go unnoticed, a parade of muses could catwalk across your couch where you are sprawled and you wouldnt waggle your toe, vastly illuminating experiences can occur and scintillating insights could have been gained and you would be frozen in front of your keyboard.

Inertia can corrode a writer's soul but writing when your heart's not in it will take you a peg down when you gaze at the mirror tomorrow. Rather write good when you can than write however but regularly. [echo of- rather reign in hell than serve in heaven, apparently I identify with Lucifer]

Long story short, this is not excuse, its just a sounding board of affirmation, a continuity of writing from the fragments of the motivated posts of long ago. Internalizing was good, it was a cleansing experience to be out of my everyday environments and all that it entails.
Expenses aside, Jersey and Niagara were good to me and my psyche.

It is nice to be me again. Rather be alone than in bad company.
Writing is my way of speaking to the world without actually going through the unnecessary building of casual, semi-formal and random interpersonal relationships that do more harm than good. As escapist as that might seem, its more practical for my aims and talents.

May the force be with me,
Rain

The Late Goodbye

2007-04-22T01:37:00.000-04:00

I am disgusted with many things (friendship and career) and wont pollute the universe with my writings tinged with that kind of negativity. There is plenty of that everywhere already and there isn't any need for my contributions.

I hereby state that I will next write only when I have something good to write about.

Bye.
Rain

The Fall

2007-03-30T20:40:00.000-04:00

To have a fracture, I thought you needed at least some bones. Bones to me, are the ones that are seen in a skeleton (good Ol' Mr.Bones from the Bio Lab) and are used in the human body.
I have gone and managed to hurt the coccyx. Needless to say, its painful and I cant take help from someone else.

Okay, I have a tailbone and I am proud!

It happened this way...so its wednesday evening and Abitha is on her way to Chilis since its the farewell party for Ratheesh and Jay. She met me outside the house and we realised that the camera batteries were still in the house. I was quickly getting down the steps in my platforms when I must've missed one in between and the footwear went flying out and I started to tumble down the stairs. Abitha watched in open mouthed horror as I rolled down some steps, straighted out to sitting position and then came to a bouncing end in the last 2 steps of the staircase.

Looking back, I wager that it was the last two steps that halted the accelerated falling that damaged the tailbone. I quickly got up and went into the house to get the batteries for Abitha after assuring her that I was all right.
I only felt shock and embarassement rather than physical pain then.
Only after they all left and I was peeling potato skins in Zaki's house did the crippling pains begin. Gow also managed to catch a trailer and he felt I should go to a Doctor. Dileep said that the doctor would just apply the pain relief spray and charge me a lot. I decided to wait and watch.

Followed Dileep's medication tips and felt some instant relief, so much so, that I made the fry and went over to his house. On the way, I was paralysed in utter hurt...felt jolts of pain, every which way I moved and just could stay still either. Managed to get into the house with the help of Dileep and came home supported by Abitha and Gow.

cOuldnt sleep the whole night through and next day was too painful to go to office, so worked from home. Thankfully I could get some work done from the stuff I had saved up and the mails.
Felt better in the evening and although the night was a bit problematic again, I was healthy enough to go to office today and do more than a usual day's work.

Everyone screamed at me for coming, but I felt happier that I could bounce back (figuratively speaking, of course) and stand on my own two feet again!

We take small things like running, bending, stretching and jumping for granted. We dont understand the slowness of the aged. We cant be patient around the differently abled.

Some lessons are painfully learnt but remain for life- this is one of those lessons.
Thanks be to God, its over. I am whole again. :)

Why does it hurt when I dont have a tail,
Rain

PS: Mera number (for vacation) kab ayega?

Trials faced by a Non-Conformist...

2007-02-27T20:21:00.000-05:00

Right or wrong is relative, as long as the scope is limited to the individual.
If it doesn't affect anyone else, do whatever you please - that is what freedom
is all about.

Does anyone disagree with the statements above? How wonderful they sound;
and how naive too.Truth is that, we hate anyone who wont fit in to our
little categories and parameters.Rebel, Freak, Crazy...all the terms we use
to address those who have violated the unwritten yet strictly followed codes
of being Normal.

Another truth, everyone is abnormal. We all have some differences from the ideal
normal human.You might leave dishes in the sink for a day, Listen only to Yanni
and nothing else, have a penchant for wearing orange,call your mother 15 times in a day.
...A million differences from 'Normal' behavior.

Its ok to be different. What matters is how we deal with those who
are different from us.

The junta I am forced to share local oxygen with are retired supreme
court judges and self-appointed moral police.They believe that they
are better than me because I am not like them. I pity them.

The worst thing is when 'popular opinion starts floating around...',
which basically translates to a bunch of low-lives standing around
talking about someone who doesn't care about them and passing judgments
on that person. The reason those individuals do this is varied - starting
from superiority complex (+ condescending attitude) to Jealousy
(+inferiority complex), and uncovering a fascinatingly depraved
affinity to poke an olfactory organ into other people's businesses.

So when 'word is out, about you...' then those who weren't part of the first
group, accept it by default. There is simply no thought given to who's opinion
was it, what the relevance is, why at all a bunch of people were standing around
making comments...all such questions dont appear in the mind of the opinion acceptor
since it takes time and CPU utilization to process.

So what do people who are different do?
They conform. So its not normal to shirk away from shopping if you are a girl and
you'd rather play fear on the computer - grit your teeth and go shopping, buy the
pinkest, fluffiest piece of clothing, giggle while you are at it, Show how normal
you are.
Lose your individuality. Get swallowed by the homogenous images created for you.
Why?
To be accepted.
By who? the Nobel prize judgment committee? A person who realized God?
Maybe God him/herself? Nope.
Just a bunch of unemployed gossip mongers, who are the vocal chord of Society.
Why pay heed to such scum? Majority versus Minority. You cant be alone. It
just cant be done.

If I find the guy who invented the saying, "When in Rome...", I can only say that
he better have Life Insurance against death as result of Assault and Battery.
Whether in Rome or Antarctica, You have to be Yourself.

Today its frowned upon to spend extended hours with members of the opposite sex
and they don't like you for that. Tomorrow it might be because you nose is too long...
and before you know it, they try to spot all uniqueness and send them over to the
gas chambers.

Its 2007 but actually, 1984. And the Big Brother looms larger every minute.

Distopianly yours,
Rain

In pursuit of perception...

2007-02-09T01:37:00.000-05:00

My creativity raises its lovely head just when my work pile has gone past the roof of my 56-floor office building. Nice. And a warm welcome to it too…

Everyone wonders if I ever made it to California last December. Whether I went past the Phoenix airport, or am I living there, eking out prosperity ‘The Terminal’ style…Just to put all your imaginations at ease.

I went to Sacremento from there. Met up with Bhoomz, Nitin and Kiriti. Headed out that very night to Reno along with Chintamani and Hema. Ran around Lake Tahoe and glided on the snow slopes there, drove along the breathtaking west coast to Monterey Bay and trekked in Big Sur.

Then spent a really wasteful couple of days in outer SFO with a relative, before being rescued by Kiriti in his dashing silver Mustang convertible an onwards to Folsom (where the junta and the action lay)

Booms took me to sight see in SFO after and then the gang (now including the charismatic Tarun and the genius that is Gajanan) set out to do stuff in Vegas that would ‘stay in Vegas’.

Then just a psychedelic flash of the high life began for poor naïve me. Didn’t see uncle Sun until vacation got over…our day began at 6 in the evening when we got out of bed and headed to the Casinos- those extravagant illusions of paradise, the roulette tables, the money, the gorgeous people all around.

The flattering fact that my age was verified soon turned into annoyance when it happened every single time [I mean, really, cant you SEE that I am above 18?]

Oh and if you thought that all that travel and all those first time experiences made this hugely exciting for me. You are really wrong!
Did I mention the people?
Did I let you know that we clicked from the word ‘Go’?

Oh Yes. We did. :)
So much so, that I didn’t want to come back to this life!
I still hope to head back there soon enough to join this nefarious and very scintillatingly brilliant band, sometime, somehow…

With just 3 girls, of whom 1 wasn’t counted (that is me J ),there was one proposal and acceptance; that too just minutes before the girl was leaving, in a wonderfully filmi way ( Hemz and King Kumar) and one romance in the making (Mani and Bhooms) – we were a movie all on our own!
Tragedy, Comedy, Romance, Action, Suspense …we had it all.

IF you are wondering abt the tragedy and suspense…well that was supplied by Southwest Airlines, who chose to let the checkin line extend from the gates well on to the highway thus ensuring my morning non-stop back is missed. Since this has happened to me the first time in my rather orderly (Stop snickering, you !) life, I was quite close to tears which greatly amused Bhoomz and Kiriti (who are veterans in taking alternate flights).

So with my 4 hour nonstop having been replaced by a 15 hour travel with 3 insipid hours in Chicago, I spent all of the New Year in very little comfort or/and Happiness.

I sincerely hoped that it would not reflect on the whole year that I missed something that was mine. But that happened inevitably…just 2 days later the promotion announcements came. I have been psychotic since.

My tremendous anger lashed out at nothing and everything, all at once. I reached some woe-begotten corner of my mind where only a handful of saints (Muthu, Booms and Gang, Gururajan…) were able to find me human anymore.

Now do you understand why I haven’t written a goddamn post since?
So this begs the question, why the post now?

The answer is simple. My perspective has changed a teeny-tiny bit.
I got in touch with or got to know in detail about the most horrendous trials and tribulations that these courageous women like Bhoomz, Vinoo, Jsree .etc. have undergone. I realize that they did not even blink at adversity.

They are still dealing with hardships in their personal/professional lives and still take time off to care about me obsessing over my non-issues. This made me feel small and mean.

As god be my witness, I declare, I have no issues at all. Yes, my circumstances are far from ideal. But I have all options open to make things better. I am strong, healthy, young and I mean a lot to my family and friends. I have only good things coming my way.
2007 and any year from here on is MINE.

There have been so many new things this year that promise good times ahead – A lovely Rogue Starter guitar (Thanks Kiriti), A new colleague who is loads of fun (and a self confessed Ladies Man – The one and only Dileep), my flute which made its US trip from the confines of my Pooja room in Chennai (thanks Kiriti for the inspiration), a somewhat clear roadmap to action events of 2007 (thanks to my family and the Colts Queen Brinda), A new club to organize and Head (CognOrators RULE!)

On to becoming a master flutist, guitar goddess (shall catch up with you someday you satanic sibling of mine), successful MBA grad and also a good daughter, sister and friend.
Rain

California Girl

2006-12-23T18:20:00.000-05:00

Its a dream perpetuated by the long running series called Baywatch. To actually be in the golden sands of the glamorous beaches of California.

The land of the red swimsuits, India-weather, Silicon valley and Hollywood...

I am half my way there already....having gone past the very choppy and bumpy air pockets atop Denver where so many thousands of people are stranded at the airports due to terrible weather. Had an awe-inspiring flight atop the Rockies because the weather above the clouds was too scary. My neck hurts from craning to the right all the time (it was a gruelling 5 hour flight).
They didnt serve lunch (only snacks) and I had stowed my bag with the books and my lunch too deep to continually inconvenience the nice couple I sat with (who gave me the aisle seat). There was no on-flight entertainment (other than the rough flying, of course)

Am right now at Phoenix, Arizona. This state has overtaken Nevada as the fastest growing in the United States, I can see why, this place crawls with our junta :)
Its gorgeous as seen from the bird's eye view, great possibilities to take up mountaineering and hiking.

there is an announcement to give up a ticket to sacramento (to Bhooma) for $200 in travel voucher and tickets to a later flight. I would have gone in ordinarily but i am already travel weary.

The point of bringing the laptop was to give continual updates to my sibling (who is forever bemoaning my lack of correspondance) and my friends at Pittsburgh. So guys...So far, So good (So what?)

Warm weather, here I come :)

Rain

Ice Ice Baby

2006-11-13T02:05:00.000-05:00

Saturday morning dawned (@ noon for me!) like any other and I planned, in all my domestic glory, to vaccum-clean the house. Enter Gowtham, who so far has been a non-descript friend of Jsree’s. He suggested we join him as he was going skating that afternoon, Jsree declined and I agreed.

Over the next two hours, the same thing happened in an infinite loop – I would try to slide, appear like I got the hang of it, lose my balance when I least expected it and fall spectacularly!

The variation in the theme was the way I fell, which was aimed at hurting every inch of the body uniformly (and one section of the posterior in regularity) and also exploring all the possible ways to fall and land.

There were two notable points of my humpty-dumpty mode. Once I fell on my back with such resounding force that I knocked the back of my head, which I was trying hard not to damage in vain hopes of preventing further mental deterioration. The sheer pain pierced through the shield of my insensitive thick skin and I reacted like any other person from a cultured, sophisticated upbringing – a sustained and very loud expletive referring to the process that leads to conception. That in itself is no big deal, except that incredulous gasp of the blonde, blue-eyed 5 year old in pigtails and a pink tutu of a professional figure skater, who wagged her chubby finger at me while telling her mother (a senior version of the same physical traits, minus the pink tutu), “She used the EFF word!”

It was as if I had wantonly brought on world war III, the little one truly believed that her progenitor was going to roast me alive. Ha Ha! The benefit of adulthood includes swearing at will without worrying about repercussions!

The lady quickly shepherded the child away from me but not before giving me a scathing glance that screamed the question – You came from some distant place only to teach my child this word?

Needless to say I enjoyed this incident a lot and it made me feel a great deal better considering my injuries and aches. [Evil Rain rises and subsides]

Nothing is scarier than you sliding off with no control over your speed and direction and finding another person, as much a free agent of fate/destiny as you, coming in for an imminent collision, which is rarely (don’t go by the movies) pleasant to either party.

But the feather on that violently horrible cap would be the dash happening between you (in this case me – a heavy adult. Understated) and a small, saucer eyed child of 3.

For a moment there, I thought I was going to be an unwitting child murderer but someone up there loved the little boy who fell in my path because I slowed down and halted just millimeters away from him, swayed and leaned forward over his fallen form in my efforts to brake without doing either of the following actions which I thought were impossible to avoid:

Knocking him down
Falling on him in all my heavy weight glory.

Before I could gasp out a “Are you Okay?”, he scampered up and slid away as fast as he could. I hope that the trauma of falling and having my bloodcurdling visage loom in front of him in his state of daze, doesn’t affect the poor thing, although logic rules against that. All I can do is pray that the child is plucky and possibly a fan of horror.

Its not often that one gets a chance to star in the nightmares of toddlers. A truly red letter day, wouldn’t you say?

On the whole Gautam said I did really good for a novice. For now I am willing to suspend my cynical disbelief and think a contender for the 2012 Olympics for figure skating from India is developing.

Ice Queen,

Rain

You know that you are jaded when…

2006-11-13T02:03:00.000-05:00

Don’t worry; it’s not a list. Just a realization that even a high-spirited, enthusiastic and lively person can turn into a numb, jaded, unfeeling clod of mud for no reason at all, except maybe as an automatic result of the passage of time.

There was a time when my getting up with a slight crick in the neck would have been a 5 page [in very tiny font] post, but now, as my sibling heart-brokenly stated in the impersonal confines of a IM window a couple of days back – she has to request me to blog so that she’d know what is happening in my life.

Not that life in itself is not providing enough material to write on or that I have suddenly lost my ability to communicate in English…I simply haven’t even looked at my own blog and I have no excuses.

This is my effort to make up for my numbness.

I went ice-skating and attended my first ever rock concert!

Normally one of these would be enough to send me into raptures…but let me start chronologically.

Consider this post as a foreword for the next two posts.

Dandiya Night disappointment

2006-09-30T00:03:00.000-04:00

navaratri has come, Golu has been arranged in my house in India, sundal is being made and served, women folk extend mutual invitations to each other's houses and the unwilling are made to sing in each house.
back here, in my current place of existence, these nine days and nights are like any other. No doll display, no proteinatious food, no invitations, no singing [thankfully].
So I was determined to have atleast a slice of the Navaratri experience even if I am seven waterbodies away from my land. So I shelled out an unearthly sum (in USD) and got dressed and ready for Dandiya...

After a reasonable delay of about an hour and a half we started off, went in and picked up a couple of people at my place of work and one bunch of the gang went the wrong way and got lost, while the bunch I went with came to this place in the middle of miles of deserted and dark lonely roads; Like it was out of some typical c grade teenage slasher movie.

We went in to see that everyone else in the hall knew each other and were from the same club and we were the only bunch of strangers. It was as comfortable as unintendingly crashing someone's personal and small wedding. But I wasnt about to let my hard earned dollars go to waste, so I ate the food they served even if the theme was "ambiguous things floating in huge volume of oil". Then I was the last person to finish dinner and was one step away from being shooed out as the table had to be cleared to make the dance floor.

Then we danced for an hour. Exactly one hour only. Then we were asked to go away.
This was the great experience :((

Now I am still all dressed and ready to dance but have to settle for venting my enthusiasm and the adrenaline at 12.30 into my lappie's keypad.

disappointed dandiya dancer,
Rain

Let Go

2006-09-09T01:21:00.000-04:00

This is the advice that this person who calls himself Anjana (You see I am no longer going to believe that anyone is who they claim to be eversince I had an interesting experience with a girl, who used to comment in my blog, who turned out to be a guy) gave me on my last post.

And I was tired enough to try it and it sort of works.

Its very zen to be mindless of the connections we make with other people. Its like a vacation. I saw this movie called Garden State which I really liked. I recommend it to everyone.
The song from its Soundtrack has been on my playlist for a week now and it speaks to me and my current state of mind.

Presenting, the lyrics of Let Go, which also I recommend as a really fabulous and addictive song:
Drink up baby down
Are you in or are you out?
Leave your things behind
'Cause it's all going off without you
Excuse me too busy you're writing a tragedy
These mess-ups
You bubble-wrap
When you've no idea what you're like

So, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

It gains the more it gives
And then advances with the form
So, honey, back for more
Can't you see that all the stuff's essential?
Such boundless pleasure
We've no time for later
Now you can wait
You roll your eyes
We've twenty seconds to comply

So, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's al right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

mindless,
Rain

Serious Comedy

2006-09-01T03:25:00.000-04:00

If my playlist is anything to go by, pop psychologists (and those with actual earned degrees) would swear I am a maniac depressive who has had a tragically violent love life (funny, that even those who read my blog posts are somehow getting that sense about me...)
But quite frankly, I am neither depressed or jilted. Sadness is more meaningful to me than the temporary and baseless elation (a high, if you will) that accompanies love (or consumption of large quantities of choclate or/and icecream). With that out of the way, I love comedy.

Being funny is a huge challenge that takes a big mix of intelligence, instinct, mind reading and a whole lot of black matter (which is a placeholder for something no one can name).
Orkut makes you categorise your sense of humor, although I am against categorization of anything, this one I think brings order enough to help one analyse it. And as I have once discussed with my mail-buddy, sarcasm and parody is rated at the bottom of all types of humor. Its supposed to be too mean and nasty a thing to be given any official encouragement - so quite obviously, I am for it.

Saturday Night Live is the institution that serves as the temple of this form of humor. Improv is a test of wits and skill and this show has the right mix to make it a reality show that is the grandmother of survivor and amazing race. Those who have made their presence felt in SNL have gone on to be the biggest in Hollywood and rightfully so. I just finished watching an Anthology of the first 5 years of this NBC fixture and I recommend it to anyone who likes smart humor.

Teal, my evil twin (if minus of minus is a plus, doesnt that make you the good twin?), you have to watch this. We have known, loved and hated ourselves for loving the Night at the Roxbury so I know you will definitely be up for this DVD. Too bad, you live in the other side of the planet...

Its 3.38 AM of friday morning of the 1st of september and I love my life.
Having said that, let me substantiate the above statement's validity by declaring that I have not partaken drugs and alcohol or whiffed glue. Also, I am of sound mind (and this is not my last will and testimony) ; or was sane the last time I checked anyway. Laughing makes you feel good; appreciation of another's intelligence is also a factor. SNL gives you that. Watch it!

I have stopped caring about being deliberately funny in the blog. [A shockingly unexpected observation ? then you havent been paying any attention to the posts now, have you?]
I simply consider myself too stupid to manage it. There was once a time when I was SNL cast member material - I was writing skits, doing improv and performing. Maybe that phase will reoccur...until then, you will only get what you see.

dim-wittedly yours,
Rain
PS: I havent packed for my travel tomorrow, I cant find vitally important documents, there is a good chance that my house could plunge into darkness next week and I have office tomorrow. I am typing stuff at 4.a.m, regardless. isnt that funny?

Trouble of being three...

2006-08-21T00:51:00.000-04:00

You'd think that a person with a shred of intelligence will avoid a situation where there will be interpersonal relationships of the same nature between 3 people. After all, two is company...but three, as the cliché goes, is definitely a crowd.

But I am so far beyond stupid that I fall into the same trap time and again. History apparently has taught me nothing. I no longer feel I can even learn what a mouse in a science experiment would learn to associate with danger, some bad effect of an activity/situation.

Inherent and insolvable problem in being three is the number of relationships that exist are 6. Lets name the 3 people as A,B and C.
A-> B
B->C
C->A
B->A
C->B
A->C

The more the number of relationships, the more the misunderstandings, the jealousies, the rivalries for the affections, the unfair comparisons...you get the drift. Also any person with the working brain cell can identify that there is not one single positive outcome documented in the previous sentence.

Also from my listing of the relationships between A, B and C, it should be obvious that A->B is not equal to B->A. That in itself is not a problem [maybe it is, but not at all significant in direct comparison with the kind of trouble the author is talking about] if the equation only consists of 2 variables.

But consider this,

A->B = K [some value]
and B->A = L [another value]
but B->C = M [you know what is coming...]
of which K>L and M>L.

So the result = A is a pathetic, miserable, codependent loser who is not going to be given any importance from B, who prefers C instead.

Now you are beginning to understand the scope for the trouble. But it gets worse...

consider if all the 3 components of the equation feel that they are in the position of A in the previous illustration...

That they like a person more than the other but that person they like prefers the third more.

Whether it is a fact or not is entirely unimportant. Just that thought can lead to a lot of emotional turmoil.

God! to be emotionless... Would make the world such an efficient place.

People wouldn't be typing laments in form of blog posts, to be unleashed to the unsuspecting couple of people loyal enough to still come here and read it, at midnight when the next day is back-to-office-for- a-new-work-week day. [At this point the author takes a break to remember Rani ma'am who would say - “Short sentences make better impact, Remya! Why are you meandering...what is it, that you want to convey?”]

No one came keeping the another person's support as the basis. Which means that one can live without another person. Only funda is learning how to -

Not NAG [Cos that is right only a wife has and the person doing the nagging is not one...]
Not have expectations [Cos that leads to disappointment which sets off all the nagging...]
Stay less entangled with the other 2 people [that way no expectations, no disappointments, no nagging]

As the wise sage Alanis sang-You live, You learn,
Rain

Freedom....

2006-08-14T03:13:00.000-04:00

Today was very significant.

My third roommate, the mediator, the one who cared a damn about me, a person we shall call L [since I have as yet to ask her permission to reveal her details out here...], has moved out to another bigger/better apartment.

she is thrilled. I am happy for her but not for myself...
How much I depend on that person's mail [yes, he hasnt stopped them yet], how much I need to discuss every little stupid, insignificant detail with my cube neighbour/friend/idol/lead, who we can not even give a nick, since I respect her so much. How thrilled I get when Brinda calls [which she does make with unerring regularity :) ]
How Divya has become my entire support infrastructure...
How Vinoo understands my emotional crisis [crisis in plural is still crisis, right?] even if I dont need to elaborate...
And my other friends, co workers and neighbours too [there is practically no line of separation between these three things anymore]

which makes me really wonder; living away from family, seems to make people more vulnerable, clingy and dependant...
Am getting a very bad taste in my mouth even contemplating the use of these adjectives to describe me. But facts are facts.

Here is what I need to do to get a life:
1. Develop new hobbies - Revive tarot, take up sketching
2. Maintain the standard ones - Reading, Newspapers, Journals, blog more often
3. Survival actions - cook, clean, mend
4. Diagnostic - Finance Accounts, analyse spending, avoid unnecessary expenditure
5. Physical Exercise - Walk [with or without Matt], Tennis [Need matt for this one], Yoga [this one has to start...HAS TO]
6. PRAY

Gaahhh with so many things to do...why am I being such a parasite on these people [mentioned directly and indirectly in the para above]

Tuesday is Independance Day [Hopefully, I should have started my path to independant living by then]
Wednesday is Janmashtami :) Will I get to go to the temple?

God Willing!
Rain

The Substitute

2006-07-03T23:29:00.000-04:00

I need to write and talk...they are those natural extensions of my thoughts that doing them is as important and vital as breathing.

Then why have I played hookey with the blog?

I simply found another way to replace my need to blog.
There is this person I have known from the mid of last year, who I was interacting with on a strictly, only a little more than, a Hi-Bye basis.

Suddenly, I started mailing him...these really long mails full of my politically incorrect and frequently incoherent and extremely unrequired statements. They started off formally, with polite status updates and questions on what each other was doing. Then I got free and extensive while the he is still being polite and formal.

Sometimes I wonder if I should take hints and stop mailing since the other person is not so thrilled or eloquent in his responses. Other times I ponder over the fact that, if my mails were unwelcome then the chain wouldnt still be alive. Pity can only give you very little tolerance. Believe me, I know; I have tried to tolerate many people many times and understand the limits of tolerance.

Letters used to be the substitutes for essays and books even. There are so many "Collected letters of..." type of books, because more than some sycophantic biographer or egotistical autobiography, its the way we communicate with some other person, that shows us about ourselves.

I am never going to actually distribute "The Collected emails between Rain and this guy" out to the reading public or even in this blog. It wasnt personal and there was nothing shocking in the content, the only reason I dont want to is that there is another person involved and he might not like his conversations made public.

What makes mailing this guy as satisfying as writing a blog post is that he is neutral and un-prejudiced. He lets me talk about what I have to say without saying whether its right or wrong...When he says something I do not take it as an arguement against my ideas (even when they differ entirely) and just listen to another point of view (that is a big thing for me)

He is not close to me at all for me to do any of the following -
take him for granted, read too much into his words, second-guess him at every turn, get nasty (take things personal) when we disagree.

Also, there is no restriction on the topic. He is intelligent, well-read, funny, mature and wise so discussion on any topic under the sun makes me come out more well-informed than the time we went into it. Lucky Me!

So its convenient for me, enriching even, that we are exchanging mails. His sitch might not be so hunky-dory. I am a little hard to take even if you're the most patient and tolerant person in the world. I dont see how he gets anything good out of this anyway...

As all things come to an end...its the time for the natural demise of this mail exchange, our electronic text conversation. Nothing dramatic, just that he is going to be moving on to other things work-wise and otherwise and cannot be expected to spend 5 minutes a day, writing to me.

To me its like watching something good die. I mourn for it mildly, even though its not really over because I know its going to go away. Fade until it comes to nothing. Those mails were sometimes the only good thing I had to look forward to, since I came here. Now that I have access to my blog; I hereby replace the mails with the blog again.

All-Natural me, no substitutes,
Rain

unbreak my blog

2006-06-22T19:18:00.000-04:00

So my black dot is back to mar the aesthically white world.
I did nothing to put it out of action and did nothing else other than publishing a new post to put it back together again (unlike Dumpty, Humpty who is predictably gone pieces although not because of this)

I am spending my days in an untiring effort to finish reading as many books as I possibly can and watch as many movies as well. Not an enriching exercise for my brain (or what is left of it) but I am at peace with the world. Numbness is worth the killing of neurons sometimes.

I unbroke my blog.
Now I go to read some more books and watch some more movies.

Krishna comes home...

2006-06-15T20:40:00.000-04:00

Finally, I bought a laptop and am going to connect with family and friends, get back to serious blogging, learn a lot .etc.!!!
I have named him SriKrishna after my favorite representative of God on earth :)

Juvenile as it is, I name the non-living things if they are important to me.
My cycle had a name, remember Chetak? and the two wheeler's name is Rampyari.

Anyway me and Krishna are going to share a long, healthy and rewarding friendship.
I am back!!

First post with Krishna,
Rain

Home and Away

2006-06-10T13:05:00.000-04:00

Hi Everyone,
This will be my attempt to condense 3 months of my life and present it to those who care.
A quarter is not significant in itself. I have spent almost all my quarters in life doing next to nothing...

But these 3 months have been very special.
For one, I am in a different continent now. I always thought I could not be who I am without my motherland for she is a vital part of my identity. Now that I have survived (even flourished) away from India I cannot help but repeat the cliche - "You can take an Indian out of India, but you cannot take India out of an Indian"

I visit temple, once a week, without fail here. I go to every Indian concert I can possibly attend and I speak my native language far more here than I did back home. In short, I am more Indian here :)

Second comes the point of independance. This doesnt mean I was under someone's control before (that has never happened in my entire life). What I want to convey is that I am responsible for myself now. I take care of my own house, my bank balance, my social life and my health. Most girls just get transferred from being the responsibility of parents to being the responsibility of their husbands. Thankfully, I have the best way out. I am living my own life, in my terms and am answerable only to myself.

THird and more related issue is that of 'fitting in'. Now that you have established your independance, you have to be strong enough in every way to be able to find a place for yourself in an alien environment. Our world here is very small. Everyone knows everyone else. Its like being in a very beautiful and well-equipped commune. So you are the new guy and rest of them have solid bonds between themselves already. THankfully for me, its been a breeze with everyone welcoming me with open arms.
Its not all roses though, I am hitting rough patches with 'certain' people and god knows, I am not a very easy person to handle, not everyone's cup of tea myself; so its a mutual kind of fitting in problem.

Fourth is just how much I am learning and experiencing!!!
Feel really grown up suddenly :)
I have gone from the person who used to hesitate from going to Adayar from mylapore to being the one who jets to Frankfurt, DC, New York, Cleveland...list should keep growing (God Willing).
My work has shifted from just coding a narrow part of a mute system to the one who talks to the client, understands their needs, understands the business and the part I am supposed to play to get the things done. Job Satisfaction is pretty high [touch wood]
Money is a concern, most definitely. Hope to make more, always planning to budget and save more... Going to learn to actually achieve that soon.
Although I read extensively, I am able to understand that my thinking has not been wide in any sense of the word. Here I am forced to contend with the thinking of complete strangers who have been thrown in with me in this crazy life. People from varied backgrounds who live, play and work with me and I see just how different we can be in thought, speech and action. I am a fan of non-conformance and I appreciate the variety I see in them. Sometimes I see light in trains of thought that I would consider bizarre.

I have a new sense of the importance of my family, my country and my culture. Beginning to understand that I would do anything for them is a jolt for me, because I am thinking more like an induvidual than a collective organism that consists of my family and friends.

Suddenly when it seems that Rain has achieved ultimate understanding and you expect me to preach peace & love in a toga with flowers in my open hair, let me bring you to reality. I am still me.
I still cant sleep at nights, addicted to TV, movies and books, very opposite of Ms.Congeniality, argue with anyone and everyone at the drop of a hat...none of that has changed.

More detailed catchup posts will follow. This was just an overview :)

Still looking for 'nirvana',
Rain

Untag me

2006-05-25T17:34:00.000-04:00

First post in 3 months, after crossing 7 seas and having had the most learning experiences in the shortest time ever, will be the reply to my sister's tag questions:-
Go Figure!!

I promise my thoughts (in form of Blog posts) will be unleashed soon and shall continue on a regular basis thereon...
1.Grab the book nearest to you, turn on a random page and find random line.
“God is DEAD!” Roman thundered “God is dead and Satan lives! The year is One, the first year of our Lord! The year is One, God is done!”
From “Rosemary’s Baby” by Ira Levin

2.Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.
Why?

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
”Kung Fu Hustle”

4.Without looking, guess what time it is?
10:30 AM??

5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
10:32 AM

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
”Faint” by Linkin Park in my iPod

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Today morning. Was on my way to office

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
My stupid sister’s silly blog.

9.What are you wearing?
Blue shirt and black pants

10. Did you dream last night?
yes.

11. When did you last laugh?
In the morning.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Picture of Yashoda with Krishna on her lap, a painting of Ganesha, 2006 Mellon Calendar, Phone numbers of my collegues.

13. Seen anything weird lately?
NYC. And its very weird in everyway.

14. What do u think of this quiz?
Huge waste of time.

15. What is the Last film u saw?
”Kung Fu Hustle”

16. If you became a multimillionaire overnight, what would you buy?
Anything I want.

17. Tell me something about you that I dunno.
I wear tinkly anklets with western formal wear.

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
Remove the capacity for mindless violence from human mind.

19. Do you like to dance?
Depends on the song.

20. George Bush
President.

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Tejaswi

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Tejas

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
I am doing that, knuckleHead!!

24.What do you want GOD to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
Hi.

25. People who may do this memo in their journal.
I am a humanitarian. No one will be tagged.

Change of address

2006-03-27T08:34:00.000-05:00

You know how familiarity seems to breed contempt, especially when you've been leading a very automated life...Familiarity also breeds a sense of safety and when you're [to be] removed from that little mini-world you've created for yourself, you realise it more than ever.

Oh, and if it wasnt obvious already, I am terrified. Thought of leaving makes me sick to my stomach [literally].

Still, I have to go. Dont know when I will be able to continue blogging again [depends on very many factors] but hope to be back in full force ASAP [which should also be banned from usage along with EOD and .etc.]

Flying Away,
Rain

PS: Nope. Still not talking about marriage.

Paradise Lost

2006-03-12T08:38:00.000-05:00

I have just broken the cardinal rule of blogging. A new post when most will not have had enough time to read the previous one, thus ensuring that it will not be focus of the casual visitors' attention and therefore will be ignored.
But the frequency of my posts does more with my wanting to say something than with anything else.

On Friday while on my way to Chepauk, I happened to spot a march by about 30-40 people on the opposite side of the road. All of them carried this flag and placards bearing the legend "Free Tibet":

I marveled at the strength of conviction that these guys had to take a march with so minimal a number just to make a stand that probably went into ignominy like my previous post.
It also made me very curious to watch the news item that China, in the ongoing Indo-China border dispute settlement talks, is adamant in claiming the Tawang area of Arunachal Pradesh as its own. Incidentally Tawang is one of the most developed areas of the eastern state; but that takes the backseat to the fact that it is home to the Buddhist Monastery who's occupants and supporters are scared to death of what could happen if the Chinese have their way again.

Coincidentally, I discovered that the only movie in my personal collection that I hadnt already watched already was "7 years in Tibet". So I spent roughly 2 hours last evening watching that movie and found that it was by no means a waste of time.
X---X---X
Here are the basic facts of the movie [in accordance with Akshaya's suggestion], Source:IMDB

Directed by
Jean-Jacques Annaud

Writing credits
Heinrich Harrer (book)
Becky Johnston (screenplay)

Released 1997

Cast overview:
Brad Pitt	....	Heinrich Harrer
David Thewlis	....	Peter Aufschnaiter
B.D. Wong	....	Ngawang Jigme
Mako	....	Kungo Tsarong
Danny Denzongpa	....	Regent
Victor Wong	....	Chinese 'Amban'
Jamyang Jamtsho Wangchuk	....	Dalai Lama, 14 Years Old

The story is the account of the Austrian Climber Heinrich Harrer,( the all round Alpha Male) who seeks to conquer the Nanga Parbat and is captured by the British at the wake of WWII. He escapes with his Expedition leader Peter Aufschnaiter, with whom he first has a hate-hate relationship that turns to great friendship. The duo land in Tibet, which is closed to all foreigners because their prophecy tells of the 13th Dalai Lama having to lose his place and his country to invading foreigners. The kindly minister Kungo Tsarong takes the men in.
Harrer does the survey of the Lhasa city and also get to build a movie house for the young Dalai Lama, who he comes to look on as a son-substitute [his own son, who he has never seen, refuses to accept him as the father].
His Holiness is a vivacious young man, so full of curiosity about everything micro and macro that Harrer once exclaims- "Do you know of other sentence constructs, besides Questions?"

China begins its relentless attack on the peace-loving, non-violent and entirely non-militaristic Tibet and the 14 yr old accepts command of his country and people, who have intense and simplistic faith in their religion helping them overcome the onslaught of the enemy [they revere enemies in Tibet and consider them teachers of patience and faith].

Chamao, the gateway to Tibet, falls after a unevenly matched slaughter of the poorly equipped Tibetian army, and the young, ambitious Governor Ngawang Jigme gives into the politics of the matter and signs a surrender. Thus heralding the occupation of Tibet that has lasted on to this day.
X---X---X
The present Dalai Lama, is a consummate Media man. He is able to make followers of everyone he meets all around the world, so much so that many of the glitterati of Hollywood have turned Buddhist and are taking up the cause of Tibet. The ordinary people of Tibet are also wonderful in their innate ability to mesh with the locals wherever they settle, while still raising their voices to the liberation of their Homeland- Tibet [or paradise].

Nevertheless, China is still the Big Brother of this part of the world. India, despite its emerging strength is unable to effectively oppose it for the sake of the Tibetians, for whom it has maximum empathy and support. If Arunchal Pradesh were to cede to China, we would be doing the same thing that Ngawang Jigme did in case of Chamao. Soon there will come a time when the Chinese will also swallow the vastness that is India, in its entirely; right down to the safe Tamilnadu. Then we will ask the same question that the Lama asked Harrer - "Will people come look at the movies of us and wonder what happened to our country, one day?"

If the Japanese were cruel to the Chinese in Nanjing[for example], the Chinese have also shown their utter lack of mercy for the Tibetians and the Indians (remember our BSF, so many regiments who died right down to the last man, in their efforts to keep away the vast chinese army). When it comes to war, violence and accession - it is always the fight between the Powerful and the Peaceful; the nationalities never matter.

We are peaceful people. We revere our non-violence and our respect for all life. But we should never yield; otherwise we may one day face the same fate as our other peaceful brethren - the lovely people of Tibet.

Free Tibet from Chinese oppression,
Rain
PS: I think I have just been marked by the People’s Republic for my pro-Tibet stance. These guys apparently block content with the help of Google [Et Tu, Brutus?!]

Illusion of free will

2006-03-11T06:27:00.000-05:00

Destiny.
A concept not accepted by many because that would mean that man is not in control of what is to happen to him. It would mean we have to accept that there are many random forces acting on you in many ways that make you steer in the directions, not necessarily of your choice...like a leaf in the wind.

I believe that I choose everything with respect to me.
Although, I admit, that of late, that belief is getting shakier. I ranted and raved in this very blog of inertia and time being ripe for changes that would take me to the next level.
What I didnt see coming, in my expectation for a staircase, was hundred floor elevator that moves at the speed of light. Now, although rising high is a good thing, the ingrained paranoia wonders "is this too much of a good thing?"
While still battling that, the next surprise rolls in, hardly giving me enough time to even take it all in. Oh and this one is a good thing too. And yeah, they are mutually exclusive.

Decisions Decisions...
pro-cons analysis, SWOT listings...all that funda still falls short when its time to take a step in any of the 2 ways.
Then you realize what you knew all along; there was never any choice. Ever.
You only go the way that is for the greater good, a popular choice of the ones you care about.
This cannot be termed sacrifice, for you cannot say for sure if you'd have struck gold if you had gone the other way. Also, there is a good chance that the path that your people are urging you to tread in may be the one path that leads to your personal destination.

This is the point where I lament, and todays theme is : "Why do good things come in mutually exclusive pairs" or "Why can't I have the cake and eat it too?" [what is the point of the cake other than eating it?]

A new phase is starting, the one I chose with the illusion of my free will. I accept the consequences. It will literally be a new world removed of anything I find familiar.
I am brave or I hope I am. I will face things the best way I can.
If I am a pawn of destiny then I will act with the thought that I am destined to be the best I possibly can be. Still human enough to be scared of new things, but not enough to be deterred by them.

Fighting for control of my life,
Rain

PS: No, I am not getting married.

Why he couldnt sleep...

2006-03-02T11:34:00.000-05:00

"A little guilt, goes a long way" - says Trevor Reznik to Maria (the name of the holy mother) and just about sums up the psyche behind the very interesting movie - "The machinist"

Having seen the fight club, you know what is coming when Ivan (the guy who does not exist) comes into the life of Trevor who is -
a) suffering from insomnia for over a year,
b) rapidly losing weight,
c) Having very fixed movements in a lonely existence,
d) Writing notes to himself.

But still we need to appreciate the effort put in by Christian Bale to get into the skin and bones (for there is nothing else) of his character.

There are 2 women in his life- a lover (Stevie) and a mother(Maria), her little boy Nicholas, the cheerful psychopath Ivan and the men in his factory, But lots of suspects that will fill the hangman puzzle of _ _ _ _ ER (Tucker, Miller, Mother... ??).

Ultimately, Trevor finds redemption and sleep when he embraces his guilt (that has caused all this trouble all along) and turns himself in.

Although 'guilt trips' are discussed so much, it does not do justice to the impact it has in the life of a person. How much of the guilt is shaped from nurture, from nature, morality and societal effects and just how much is plainly voice of the invisible component called a conscience?
All these questions raised themselves when I saw this movie.

Plus it creeped me the slighest little bit because I find it hard to sleep sometimes and I dont know why...

Time to take a trip,
Rain

Memoirs Of a Geisha - Book Review

2006-02-25T11:42:00.000-05:00

Its a different book, most certainly.

Japan has held an air of mystique very successfully and is known to be a very closed and rigid society. The exotic women with stark white painted faces with heavily lined eyes and the pouted red mouth are so the antithesis of everything one is used to, that they greatly inspire curiosity and interest.

But having read the book, the story seems very familiar and unfortunately too real. A young girl from a small fishing village, Chiyo Sakamoto, is sold to a Okiya, a house of the Geishas, for training to be its principal source of income in the future. This is her story, of her trials and tribulations, her falling in love with the Chairman, her apperenticeship, her debut as a Geisha and how she eventually gets her man.

The part of the book that got me sore was her mizuage (look it up if you need to know) being sold off to the highest bidder.A story that in some concentrated or diluted version lies behind every exploited woman in the world.
Also the point all throughout the book that Sayuri (Chiyo's Geisha Name) gamely accepts what she has to do like someone who has to do like it were a humdrum yet necessary household chore. She'd rather sleep with someone she doesnt care for rather than a man who loves her (and saved her life a couple of times), because she does not want to screw up her chances of getting together with his bosom buddy.
At that point, I really felt she was doing the exploitation.

Of late, I'm getting to read a lot of Japan based books like- Crichton's "The Rising Sun" and "Angel Eyes". Crichton's book is basically based on a whole lot of research on the part of a paranoid United States, who believe that Japan will financially take over them someday and that day may not be in the far too distant future.
"Angel Eyes" gives a lot of insight about the seedy underground of Tokyo, the Yakuza and how there is a nexus between them and the corporations.
The more titbits of info emerge about this very fascinating country, the more it seems unreal and unknown.

The point that was consistent across all the 3 books was the very strong emphasis on the way people to people contact happens in a typical Japanese society. Gestures are so vital there, body language is so full of meaning that actual talk seems clipped in comparison. And just how painfully polite the people are how remarkably high their threshold of patience is.

There is a whole lot to look up to Japanese for apart from electronics, cars, Pokemon and Bey Blade franchise, for example how as a nation they bounced back from the devastation of the WWII. True Grit and determination seems to be into woven into everyone there.

All this said, when I look at the cartoons in Animax, I see that most of the stories feature this really young teenager, with a whole lot more endownments than is usual for a Japanese girl, very short swishy skirt and lots of getting dressed or bathing scenes. Some dark, disturbing obsession with young girls, in some level, continues to exist, even if there are no more 15 yr old Geishas around to bid for anymore.

But who are we to talk when so very many young girls are sold into prostitution for paltry sums in almost every major city or town in India? Atleast Sayuri's story has a happy enough ending.

Definitely worth reading, if atleast to get a sneek peek into Japanese culture.
Rain

PS: Now in posish to watch the movie and Comment on that. [Yaaay, me!! I Heart Ken Watanabe and I like Michelle Yeoh(who's malaysian not japanese)]

Dissecting Hannibal

2006-02-23T11:54:00.000-05:00

I worship the ground that Anthony Hopkins walks on.

He brings class and contained violence at the same time, to this wonderfully sketched character of Hannibal Lecter. Must be pretty obvious, but I hated Merchant & Ivory and all of England when I saw him in "Howard's End" and "Remains of the day". But sequential processing is hardwired to the very genetics of Indian junta, so let me not jump randomly at topics.

"Silence of the Lambs" is a great book, so is "Red Dragon" and "Hannibal". Thomas Harris is one very twisted yet brilliant man, to have come up with these three gems. Alas, he sold them off to Hollywood and they filtered out the very soul of the books.

"Silence..." by its very name is essentially the story of Clarice Starling. The psycho who kills women in a seemingly random manner and the kidnapped daughter of the senator .etc. are just circumstances added to the main thread. Its all about Clarice and her inner demons, loss of her father and her distinct sensory memory of the lambs in the night at her aunt's house.
About her finding an understanding soul in a convicted, vicious, cannibalistic, brilliant psychologist. Of course she's drawn to him. But why is he also drawn to her, when he openly states his disdain for her 'white trash' background?

"Hannibal" provides those answers. Details of who Dr.Lecter essentially is, his background story, the loss of his sister, his witnessnessing the soldiers' cannibalism and the understatement of the kind of trauma that would make a clever brooding boy into "Hannibal the Cannibal" .etc. are found aplenty in this last installment of the trilogy.
Indirectly, we also get the implication that Hannibal sees something of the sister he lost in Starling and hence the extreme feelings with regard to her seem to wash over him. He himself is never ever sure if he wants to love her, kill her, save her or eat her.
But it ends with the finale so open to interpretation that its very exciting.
Hannibal and clarice sitting in a tree...

The movie version of "Silence of the lambs" was good. Very good.
"Hannibal" seems like a partial rendering. Ok, so the man is creepy and souless, he is also pulled towards this dame who's getting the worst of the FBI's inner politics. Why no scenes for "Just why is that?" Also "Hannibal" is showing off Mason's loss of face, quite literally, than is required by the script-just to increase the gore value. And the botched ending where the heroine emerges unscathed and away from the anti-hero who is flying away, minus a hand - absolutely opposite to the harmonious ending of Mr.Thomas Harris [why are u not suing?]
Ray Liotta, still rocks :). Julianne Moore is no Jodie Foster.

But Anthony Hopkins...is another matter altogether. This guy is old. Very very ancient. Yet, when he kills, moves swiftly and is physically dangerous- You believe it.
He also turns on the charm, so very well. There is simply no dimension to this complex and difficult character that Mr.Hopkins missed in his portrayal.

So full points to Thomas Harris and ANthony Hopkins, Boo to the rest.

Read the novel, Dont watch the movie.
Rain

See SAW

2006-02-11T11:10:00.000-05:00

I mean it.
See the damn thing. It is very gross and bloody, not to mention extremely twisted. But it is still compelling (or is it just me?)

Funda is about choices. A whole set of situations where the supposed farce of a choice exists- sounds like a definition for Life I think (or is it just me?)

Some random (that is what one thinks initially anyway) junta are put together just like the junta in your family are put in with you. Everyone starts off with “Where am I ?” and few other typical questions which can also stand for the deep introspective and metaphysical questions that everyone has at one point or the other…example “How did I get here?”

Then you are made aware that you are given some things read latent assets – intelligence, looks, money (A Tape, photos and the saw -in the movie); but that you also have some limitations and constraints that prevent you from operating freely read debts, disabilities, skeletons in the coffin, guilty secrets, liabilities in general (in the case of the film - chains that bind to the pipe at one end and the ankle at the other) and that you are put here to do certain things which you might not want to do if you really had a choice about it – here we think of the careers we picked so it would mean better things for your family rather than what made you happy, about the things we do every day that you would so give everything to just stop doing (in the movie its – kill the other guy, or just cut your own foot off). Motivation for picking the painful job is some invisible carrot dangling in the air (The promise that his wife and little girl will not be killed)

And orchestrating all of this, is some methodical, efficient and oh so very cold creature, with its own compulsions and motivations, that also keeps a constant watch over you all the time read God or the entity that humans believe in. The trapped duo even scream out to that master puppeteer, pulling their strings, at many places, but receive no response…rings a bell?

Think about all those times you cried out starting with “Oh God, Please…” and then nothing.

The most torturous part is figuring out - Why? Why is this happening? Why Me? Don’t we ask ourselves the very same questions all throughout our lives? Only in this movie’s case, at least at the end, one comes to know just why these things happened and why these guys were picked. Sadly, we may not ever get the answers to our questions, only some consolation terms like ‘Karma’.

And finally when all the twisted choices have been forced on the victims, they have been taken for a full ride and made to believe in a trail of wrong assumptions, they desert each other and it is revealed that the key to the shackles were with you at the very beginning but you let it gush down the drain.

The craziest part is that all of this sadistic torture teaches one to appreciate life more, teaches life lessons, actually helps. Just like we are told our hardships help in building our character.

I like this movie. Some, who watched it with me, felt only mental and psychopathic people will like it. I definitely don’t think so. I think the trick here to understand what it is supposed to convey, its underlying parody of life, rather than just take it as a psycho movie with thrills – its face value.

I thank the guy that lent me the DVD. What I don’t thank him for is for his having given me the psycho’s whereabouts even before I could physically take the DVD from him…and ruining the last great surprise that the viewer is supposed to get.

An unexpected gift but with a pang of regret – a rose with a thorn- also a metaphor for life…(or is it just me? )

Just Me,
Rain

Sarfarosh

2006-02-01T12:01:00.000-05:00

Few of us decided to do something special for Republic Day. We got lots of flags and decorated the whole of our office space in colored paper and the beloved tricolor. The rest just watched as if they were Jane Goodall with a bunch of particularly weird Gorillas. In fact, as the novelty of grown people clambering over tables and chairs in unsupported attempts to wish the decorations on th ceiling, they began to exhibit signs of annoyance. Typical India.

Someone wanted more reality in my posts, and I had promised to supply the same. The intention was to probably write up a ball-by-ball account of the Ladies Cricket Finals which, we lost, by the way. Something unexpected came up though, by way of free tickets to "Rang De Basanti" for all us Cricketers!

Bit of background though; I studied in the Arya Samaj school. To me the memory of the great Revolutionaries and their mentors, is sacred. Rang De spoke to that inner girl who bristled with pride and grief when she first came to know about a certain young man called Bhagat.

Coming back to the movie, I am certain that you do not want a synopsis.So I offer instead, my feelings about it. Firstly, any movie on nationalistic fervor, which is not made to appear contrieved is most welcome. And if one were to comment on relevance of the fervor that the revolutionaries had in youth of contemporary India, I would say that there are many ways to ponder about that. One such contemplation has apparently led to "Rang De".

Secondly, the point that is distinctly not in our favor is the fact that we only look at the good that is inherent in us, when some foreigner were to admire it; in this case it takes a Sue from London for DJ and gang to discover the sacrifices that Indian youth had made, without any hesitation, just 6 decades ago.

Third comes the mention of the performances.
Atul Kulkarni shines like a beacon of a lighthouse in the darkest
stormiest night. His emotion-choked recital of Ram Prasad Bismi's "Sarfaroshi Ki Tamanna..." made my hair stand on its end. That is easily the best moment of the movie.
Soha was wooden, Aamir-a wrinkly antique and Madhavan- too plump. The rest meshed in the movie so well, they seemed real. Then, a note on characterization. The character of DJ, the student who passed out years ago, but lingers in the campus still where he is the big man, afraid of real world is in theory-very good. Lakshman Pandey, proud of India and its culture, who sweats it out for a Right-wing party (they have taken no pains to hide that the party being referred to here is Shiv Sena) out of idealism and backs the motley crew in filming and subsequently becomes one of the gang is a good foil for the lone Muslim boy, who considers himself Indian first and does not want to hate the Hindu majority. Sukhi as the gang's clown, who worships DJ is also very identifiable. Sonia as the lone gal and darling of the gang seems full of good possibilities but that hope is destroyed when at the end, she orders the men to kill and own up, while continuing with her life and not taking up any responsibility on her own.
Sue is the not-so passive observer and scribe.

On the whole, I loved most of the movie, but not especially the almost silly ending. The climax and the last parts of the movie fail to measure up to the lovely first half.

Akshaya is the one, who's the pro about writing on movies and interpreting them also. No doubt, he'd have had something to write about Rang De. Now that I have said most of what I wanted to, I will see what he has to say on his own and about this post.

Before Fin, here is the poem by Ram Prasad Bismi, only people without any knowledge of hindi (Sorry, any attempt on my part to translate this would be blasphemy) and the heartless will not be moved by these passionate sentiments:

Hai liye hathiyaar dushman taak mein baitha udhar
aur hum taiyyaar hain seena liye apna idhar
khoon se khelenge holi gar vatan muskhil mein hai
sarfaroshi ki tamanna ab hamaare dil mein hai

haath jin mein ho junoon katt te nahi talvaar se
sar jo uth jaate hain voh jhukte nahi lalkaar se
aur bhadkega jo shola-sa humaare dil mein hai
sarfaroshi ki tamanna ab hamaare dil mein hai

hum to ghar se nikle hi the baandhkar sar pe qafan
chaahatein liin bhar liye lo bhar chale hain ye qadam
zindagi to apni mehmaan maut ki mehfil mein hai
sarfaroshi ki tamanna ab hamaare dil mein hai

dil mein tuufaanon ki toli aur nason mein inquilaab
hosh dushman ke udaa denge humein roko na aa
duur reh paaye jo humse dam kahaan manzil mein hai
sarfaroshi ki tamanna ab hamaare dil mein hai

Inquilab Zindabad,
Jai Hind,
Rain

"Modern Women" of Pop-Culture

2006-01-22T15:15:00.000-05:00

WARNING: Only for grown-ups and non-hypocritical people, for I have called a spade, 'a spade' here.

When I began the Anita Blake Vampire Hunter series, I was happy in a very liberated small woman way. Here is a hero (to call her heroine, would be to say that she was merely meant to have romance scenes with the hero) who was only 5' 3" and could inspire terror in the heart or equivalent component of vampires, zombies, were-animals and your common garden variety man (yawn).

You also had these delicious guys who are dangerous on their own, yet moony when it comes to our no-nonsense Anita, who wears her devil may care attitude like a constant pair of Nikes.
Here I digress a little, by casting actors to each of these parts (yeah we are talking multiple guys here) just to illustrate the point I will make later on:

Jean-Claude - Smooth Talking Master Vampire - Brad Pitt (very smoldery)
Jason - Jean-Claude's pet werewolf - Hayden Christenson (naughty/dimples)
Richard Zeeman - King of the werewolves - matt Damon on steroids (major nice guy)
Asher - Jean-Claude's ex-boyfriend, also Vampire - Jude Law (mysterious and beautiful)
Micah - King of the were leopards, shortie - Tom Cruise (likeable)

Yep, so one can infer the "Yawza!!" factor here...
To have one of these around would be romance-novel fodder, but here we have all of them and just our little heroine (now she starts to be one).
Before long, our lady is embroiled in various affairs in all possible combinations with the men/monsters mentioned above and my liberated spirit retched heavily, and I stopped reading.

I have the same complaint of Ayn 'Bloody' Rand. Her female characters may be strong, independent and intelligent women but they sleep around too much without any qualms.

Why can't the modern woman be represented in a more decent way?

Belonging to the afore mentioned category I can confidently state the common profile of the members: (Refer the cartoon)

Well Educated
Earning salary
Independent
Decision making ability
Career minded
More of brains rather than beauty

From my perusal of literature and movies on central woman character, I have jotted down points "Top ten things about the heroine of a trashy script..."

1] The attractive new entrant into our Girl's [that is how the heroine will be referred to] life moves, smells, behaves like utter trouble.
(international terrorist, stealth assassin, vampire, werewolf, amnesiac...)

2] There is more than one major wonderful guy around, who is out to get our Girl; a sitch we know will give rise to moral dilemmas resulting in the most grossly outrageous solution.
(A vampire and his buddies, two mortal best friends, one mortal and his enemy/boss, Her childhood sweetie+highschool boyfriend+cute boss+fiancee, The guy who hates [but secretly pines for] her + her dependable boyfriend...commonly Husband vs. Ex)

3] our Girl has this best friend who has a wonderful and steady guy who just happens to be the buddy of one pouty Greek god of a male character. So, each central characters will run into the other while in the turf of the common friends.
When she has misunderstood him, the common friends enlighten her about to his "mother Teresa" side.

4] And each time our Girl "runs into" the Boy (one of the boys, atleast) she thinks "oh how my heart beats to be around this guy...I should avoid seeing him" but never gets around to doing just that.

5] When he meets our Girl, the boy has been doing one of the following activities:
- flexing muscles while lifting heavy things (helping old people is a plus),
- firing some reptilian individual who we know is coming back to bite buddy boy,
- making nasty or sarcastic quips about/to her,
- reading to the blind/taking care of children/any social service work,
- Working out in the gym or fighting a giant in the dojo.
So he is mostly angry, sweaty, busy (and or) dripping in blood.

4] There is one arch nemesis girl:
- who hates our Girl from high school
- is the competitor in office/Boss
- The pouty Greek god's ex...Etc.
Who is never given a good makeup person or/and wardrobe selector. This person is always in the throes of PMS and is obviously slutty (although by the end of the script the line between her sluttiness and our Girl's "giving in to her emotions" blurs considerably)

5] our Girl is never actually seen working. Only seen going to or coming from office, or the usual running into good-looking men at office.

6] Everyone loves her at office/in the neighborhood/in the family.
Our Girl has co-worker friends, neighbor friends and family that will lie down in front of traffic for her. Yet she is alone and longs for the Boy.

7] Our Girl never:
- oversleeps
- overeats
- throws tantrums (only has arguments with the hero(es) ending in sparks)
- is wrong
- yawns
- dresses shabbily (looks sharp even while sleeping/after getting up)
- hits people (except the nemesis-which is an all out cat-fight)
8] No matter how little she makes, or in which crampy apartment she lives, our Girl never repeats an outfit at all and all her clothes are named after illustrious people-Gucci, Versace .etc.

9] Girl is surprised to find out that the stinky rich pouty Greek god is nuts about her. [I say, when you and he are the only super-good looking people among everyone you know, it’s quite obvious that he will secretly pine away for you.]

10] She cries when he proposes. He is only slightly less emotional. Our Girl pulls out all stops from then on.

This ladies and germs, is everything pop-culture has to offer as facets of the modern woman Pray, don't be fooled into accepting these as being based on facts.

Truth is out there,
Rain

Laughing Stock

2006-01-17T04:29:00.000-05:00

Having come to a stage when the sound of laughing seems to be an alien sensory experience, I wonder, in my almost clinical detachment, if the way we laugh and what/who we laugh for/at, tells you a lot about the laugher.

There is a really cute petite lady who meets with me everyday by way of work. She is not very verbose, in fact she is what you call “strong and silent” if you could ignore the “strong” part. She smiles very often but it’s her rare laugh that made me write this post.
I have only read of tinkling laughter, hers actually reminds you of silvery bells and an utter joy without strings, akin to that of a baby’s, when it finds some fuzzy yet brightly colored object at its span.
Also, it is such a feminine sound, that the air suddenly charges up with the auras of all the alpha males in the vicinity, who turn around to what their instinct says is a girl they can potentially protect in the warmth of their caves.

Yes, all that can be packaged in a laugh. I see the effects. I report.
There is this air of cordiality and innate genial conversation sparks off or continues after the amiable sound is emitted.

I laugh too. It may seem like fiction, considering the trend of my posts, but I assure you. I do laugh. But my laughter is as similar to my colleagues as day is to night. And of the appeal I shall refrain from speaking about, but will let you guess by referring the statement made by a certain boy in 2004, when he said, “My God, you laugh like the Devil”.
The true context to understand the gravity of this comment can be set, when I tell you that this boy spent his extra time looking up the “Apocalypse” and “End of the world”etc. in Google. Also, he had quite a bit of extra time.
So it would be safe to say, I barely escaped being doused in Holy Water for exercising my laughter muscles.

There is a dish of a boy (Yes, women objectify men too) who once told me that laughter should come from the heart and not from the throat. See what you can get away with when you are buff and trim enough to steal focus from your words? Had a normal dude even tried that very quotable quote, he definitely would have had to deal with my “Devil” laughter ringing in his ears for what we’ll call an extended period of time.

But we will try to not digress from the topic too much. Yeah, so my laughter is not the gentle sound that one would associate from a tender vocal cord situated in a suitably appealing throat. I have more of the “Belly” laugh, even deeper than the “Heart” suggested by the Softie-with-muscles. If I find anything funny, which seemed more frequent in the past, I laugh without restraint, without poise, grace and good manners.
And almost all of the time, there is someone to “Shush” me immediately. That pisses me to no end.

From experience, let me tell you this; listening to a person’s genuine laugh is probably the most positively therapeutic experience next to you laughing genuinely yourself. And if you feel that you cannot bear to hear another’s joy or amusement, then maybe you have gone a little too much into the dark side.

You know who is worse than a laugher-stifler a.k.a Shusher? A Fake laugher.
There is something horribly evil about people who act their laugh out.
Those are the people who are likely to rent a couple of cherubic children and an elderly grandmother to accompany them during “Family Day” at office. Nothing they say or do can be considered original.

My having become a grownup, a point of intense disagreement from my mother’s perspective, is illustrated by the fact that I smile “coldly” now. Apparently I have learnt the art of varying the degree of warmth in my smile like a good cook can control his oven temperature…and I am told that of late, the cook is dishing out sub-zero meals. A cold smile is much worse than a no smile, it seems. And it is usually the precursor to a “harsh” laugh- a sound that is a remote cousin of our nearly extinct genuine laugh. A harsh laugh is to show anger or contempt. A more evolved version of a low growl and a bite in the jugular. Needless to say I am pretty good at that too.

Finally there is the point of why the laugh? Is the laugh “with” or “at” the audience?
I am told, by the same experts who’s opinions I have been generously sprinkling all over this post, that it is quite rude to laugh at someone, especially under the circumstance where that someone is in a laughable state. Hmmm….so all those thousands of years of slapstick comedy- when a guy (preferably rotound and not attractive) lands on his backside with the maximum pain inflicted on his person as a result of his unfortunate encounter with the strategically placed banana peel, is actually indicative of mankind’s very malevolent nature.
As far as I am concerned, it is only indicative of a less than evolved instinct of amusement. War and violence is evil.

Laughing with people, most often than not, is a white lie way of saying a that you are laughing at some unfortunate but you have the company of your equally dastardly mates.
So no amount of spit and polish will make that phrase shine.

They say it takes more muscles to frown than to smile and laughter clubs propagate the rabidly hysterical version of a belly laugh (which makes it quite creepy) to keep the heart and mind young (here we go again).

So just laugh when you can and while you can.

There is enough in the world to put you down and when a laugh is sounded, it is the defiant call that one may be down but not out. It is very simply the sound of life.

Your funny valentine,
Rain

The Neo Non-believer

2006-01-10T08:49:00.000-05:00

I have decided not to believe in god anymore.
In fact, I refuse to believe in anything good and am going for a doctorate in Professional Skepticism, majoring in Pessimism.
2006 is a crappy new year and its hardly begun… :)
Keep visiting folks, to know the latest on what has gone horribly wrong as usual and all the gruesome details.

If anyone wants me, I will be right here, even after 20 odd years, doing the same things. No forward motion for me, looks like. A trilogy of consecutive failure- that is right up my alley though. :)

Anyone know the address of the nearest Satanic Cult?

Cheerfully yours,
Rain

New Beginnings

2006-01-02T05:43:00.000-05:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2006 !

I have chosen a very wonderful one for myself, which is full of fun and cheer. Will be more than happy to share the same with you all.
God Bless,
Rain

Acid Rain

2005-12-26T09:39:00.000-05:00

Prologue:
Of late I have had quite a few scraps in Orkut in what is apparently praise for my sarcasm.
In my time, (I am a quarter of century old, after all) I should have taken it as criticism, but it seems that these people are complimenting me. So this one is for the lovers of my negetivity, a special compilation of my 'feel-bad' thoughts on-myself.

End of Prologue

Its that time of the year when stock-taking of the year that has been is forced on one by the subliminal forces employed by the media who bombard the viewer with programs that deal with every facet of this year-best books, movies, events, people, politics, sport and entertainment.

I call 2005, “the Year that forced me into becoming very career minded”. There were several reasons for this to have happened. The really main ones are- not getting a call for any PGP course with the 04 CAT score, only a PGSEM from IIM B which I converted* but didn’t join, ‘cos I really didn’t want to, and my being put in a team that gave me enough work to keep me consistently busy. [*Great prep for the GD/PI for this time round, God willing.]

There were several new events that were spawned from my foray into the world of the serious sw professional:

My blog writing has been very sporadic and sparse. [To the great relief of those who say- Blog writing is for the narcissist loser, who’s egocentrisms are more to be sympathized rather than paid attention to. Read- Desperate cry for attention by pathetic socially-stunted individuals who have filled the internet with more crap than a garbage dump]
I actually want – promotion, appreciation and more work. None of which I have actually managed to procure for myself, with the exception of, obviously, the last mentioned. This sudden very bourgeois behavior from me has successful shocked even myself. For I, like most others, felt I was a cross between the bohemian weirdness of Phoebe and the acid tongue of Chandler- in all very anti-establishment and nihilistic.
The fact that I was bypassed for promotion and appreciation because I did not let a total A$$#ole walk over me has made me more anti-establishment and nihilistic. In fact, I have promoted myself from weird to sociopathic.
I have started spending- in a very big way; despite the fact that my salary in comparison with my friends/classmates of comparable qualification and work-ex, is a mere excuse for a pittance. Yes, Boys and Gals- its official, Rain is a Yuppie buyer of electronic items and casual attire.
I read Dilbert’s book on management, companies, employees and bosses and ‘identified’ with it.
I firmly am for career over personal life. There are 2 very good reasons for this- one that I do have a career and second reason that I shall not elaborate over.

I am on the road to type B malnutrition, largely due to the combined efforts of my office caterer who studied nutrition in McDonalds and Muniyandi Vilas and my wonderful tendency to turn to calorific food for comfort.

Over the past 2 days I have read a whole quarter worth of newspaper and as a consequence depressed myself thoroughly. After all if newspapers were to print select and good articles that inspire hope and happiness- we would not get as much money from giving them to the raddi walla. While I drown myself in cocoa, saccharine and deep fried items, I cannot help but recall the totally skeptical expression that firmly placed itself over the face of the salesman who sold me 2 pairs of jeans of the size that we shall call X. You see, he was of the firm belief that X (which is sufficiently large enough a number, to embarrass a person, by itself) was not the correct size for me and suggested I go for X+2. My father intervened before I could put that smart-mouth in his place by crushing him to death with the bulk of my X+2 sized self.

Oh and if you are wondering why the bullet points and the overwhelming use of ‘I’, it’s a hangover from writing my self appraisal, which I must admit, has not been kind to my self-respect.

Thank god for Blogger, the provider of free therapeutic device called purging oneself of negativity via words that no one will read anyway. See, no harm done-all around!

Hoping I am not this caustic always for fear of accelerating global meltdown,
Rain

Prodigal Rain

2005-11-27T15:58:00.000-05:00

In the city of Chennai (and the rest of Tamilnadu), rains have lashed on for more than a month, intermittently. People are cut off still and everyone is getting infected. (The fact that the waters would have seeped down and not caused problems, if it hadn’t been for the widespread encroachment in to the lake and riverbeds, is something no Politician can look at, considering the elections are in the offing and the slum-dwellers and encroachers will exercise their voting rights vociferously.)

Volcker Report named the Central Minister and the ruling party of India as people who paid money to Saddam and themselves made gazillions in the Oil for Food program, which they have vehemently denied (Yup, If you were to go to that central minister and say “The Report states specially that the Sun rises in the East. How do you respond to that?” He’d not even wait for a nanosecond before his litany of “That is completely untrue and baseless”. Way to go, India, love yer choice in elected representatives.).

The Tamil wing of Taliban called by the names that rhyme with ZMK and Banthers Barty took over moral policing in TN and have apparently revoked the right to the Freedom of Speech. Also everyone is to follow the official line on Pre-marital sex (oops!! I didn’t just type what I think I did, did I?), which is

– “What’s that?” [accompanied by vacant expression and scratching of head in a non-intelligent manner]

and after someone has the birds-bees talk with the person; "Doesnt happen in Tamilnadu. Nope. No way.” [taut body stance of springing on the defilers of the purity of womanhood, matching belligerent facial expression]

{This is the approach is designed by that famous avian political scientist, Prof. Ostrich-Vallavan, who has since gone on to the Sahara desert where he can bury his big head in the vast sands and deliberate on why the world has been plunged into sudden darkness while also wondering ‘why is it so damn hot in here’.}

All through this time, I hibernated with all my views in cold storage.

You see, I had to work on creating a break for myself. Now that I am done with the first and most crucial step (preferring to not speculate on the results, praying hard that they should be good), I have joined the land of the living and the opinionated.

Oh yeah, had my birthday in between too. And on that very day went over to my last year’s post on the plans I had made for the year of my life that has just passed. Guess what? SSDD (Same s#it, different day). Nothing has changed.

On the subject on something that is definitely new- check out Trinity Teal's blog.My sister has made her foray into the world of blogging and she's so enamored of it. She's good.

Others have been doing good too, apparently. Shwetha has experienced the first snowfall of her life and is enjoying it. Brinda is hiking and traveling to the most gorgeous locations in North American like she always planned. Angana, gave a mind blowing dance performance with her troupe in October and seems to have done the “Exam” well too. Vinu got married to Renish on November 10^th. Lakshmi’s sister also got married. Niyas is going to be assigned his own team to lead and is just back from Pune, where he was sent to give training to a bunch of associates on a complex technology that is being used by the Pentagon.

On the whole, naaaah, cant sum up this post; has shot off into too many tangents, every once in a while, to find a common theme.

So yeah, here I am, a year older; any wiser? What does future hold in store for me?

Rain

PS: Jeffery Archer, don’t hate me for plagiarizing the title of your book. If its possible, I think I like it more than you do. Would’ve preferred it more if your lead Lady didn’t have to inherit the most powerful post in the world by default and that you’d shown the people of USA to be mature enough to elect a smart woman. Now that would’ve been good fiction. In fact though, people of USA cannot seem to want either a smart candidate or a female one, let alone one who’s both.

Adios until further notice

2005-11-08T08:14:00.000-05:00

To all and sundry,

I have to do some things for the LAST time for the next 2 weeks. So I am not going to be posting anything until the stipulated timeframe is over. Since the regulars have stopped coming here anyway, this is a green signal for all those comment spamming advertisers (who promote anything and everything from 'escorts' to horse related gifts in my post comments section)... Go Ahead Spammers, Do what you will.
I have more immediate concerns.

GOD SAVE ME ONLY (u know when and how)
Rain