Building A Mystery

The Inspiration...

You come out at night
That's when the energy comes
And the dark side's light
And the vampires roam
You strut your rasta wear
And your suicide poem
And a cross from a faith that died
Before Jesus came
You're building a mystery

You live in a church
Where you sleep with voodoo dolls
And you won't give up the search
For the ghosts in the halls
You wear sandals in the snow
And a smile that won't wash away
Can you look out the window
Without your shadow getting in the way?

- Sara McLachlan - 'Building a Mystery'

The Creation...

He is not easy to read and she never felt like she could get to him when it mattered. All the moments they had in between were just a few flashes of his indulgence of her and not dropping of the wall he had built to keep her out.

The Rules would have her not speaking her mind to him so she appeared mysterious but it wouldn’t work for two main reasons – he wasn’t her Mr.Right, secondly he wasn’t speaking his mind to her.

Just once and in half jest she remarked that she didn’t know why she still hung around with him and he looked at her in a cold, clear way and repeated the question-
“Why? Why do you really?”
She faltered then like she knew what he would say next…
Suddenly she didn’t want to hear another word; it was almost as if she was afraid of what he meant to say in answer to his own questions, as if somehow those would be the cement on the last brick that would put him in a room blocked from her.

Then a period of mellow happiness would follow, making her forget the dark clouds of his penitent moods that only she seemed to observe or acknowledge. He was unfailingly polite and cool to everyone. It was easier to prove that ghosts exist than to have someone else understand that he was not as well-adjusted and sure as he seemed to be.

He always had two other thoughts in his head concurrently with his inane general conversations and that he deliberately always never paid any amount of concentration to anything she had to tell him- personally, over phone or by mail.

Yet he kept coming back. He always called if there was a silence from both ends for more than a couple of days. The weekends were always together. Together but apart.

He instigated some changes in her that she didn’t like. She suddenly wanted to be small and lovely. So that she could affect him in some way, make him look at her, really look at her and see her. She wished that he would think of her, miss her or look forward to seeing her. She wondered if she really loved him, or if she just loved the idea of wanting all that she can’t have. Did she crave the masochistic pain of constant bereavement of something that never was?

Would she want him if he also liked her back?
Probably not, she decided. After all allure of the mystery lasts only a finite number of pages. Besides it would be genre clash to mistake suspense for romance.

Just like that, the furrows of strain on her forehead disappeared to non-existence and a new train of thought occupied the neural pathways - correct time to switch to non-fiction for a while?

my first fiction,
Rain

What are you made of?

Identity crisis is probably the backbone of blogging.
Its an endless source of material for art, literature and sculpture also, I suppose.

Lots of times in life you will ask yourself who you are and who's life is it that you are living...
It may be because you are a drama queen who's making up for the lack of real issues in life and on the other hand, you might be this way because you are constantly changing (Heraclitus rears his well-curled head and says - "I told you so" in greek), making it imperative to stop, consider and understand what/who/how you are at this instant of time.
This is when reading about existentialism and Advaita is actually interesting to those who's reading lists are the bibliography of James Patterson (love Kiss the Girls BTW *sheepish grin*).

Coincidentally (or should I lose the 'co'?) my thoughts at this juncture of my life (a milestone) about who I am now found a mirror in one of the most excellent movies I have seen in a long while - The Dark Knight. [GO SEE IT. NOW. THANK ME LATER]

At face value, its a superhero action movie, but the most clueless can see the intricacy of the script, the characterizations and the journey that we are taken on. I was talking to Ajay today about who stood out from among Batman and the arch nemesis - Joker (his question) and that brought us to the comparison of the two protagonists. Some not so obvious points became clear.

Batman/Bruce Wayne is an entity that is split and is in constant crisis about self, but the Joker, despite the unceasing eccentricity is ironically very sure about who he is. There is a kind of purity one sees in thought and action despite the concept being - Evil for its own sake (malum gratia malus ?) which is missing in our hero who personifies a doubtful and conflicted (hence weak) good. Bruce has many regrets - loss of his love to another man, lack of normal life (& sleeping hours) that he has had to face in the pursuit of justice but The Joker loves his job thoroughly and without exception.
But triumph of good over evil is a foregone conclusion because heroes are those of us who face all the crippling phases like ordinary folk - fear, regret, self-doubt; only they rise past all of that when they test their mettle. Batman overcomes his identity crisis.
He comes to the state of self realization and things get crystal clear.

I could probably go on about the movie, the actors, the caped anti-hero (that is what he is and he is proud---say it loud) but enough has been said by anyone (make that everyone) who watched it, so there isnt going to be more contribution to the white noise.
Rather like to focus on the aspect of being honest to yourself, after all who can know you better?
No harm if idea of yourself expires often, that is called growing up or evolving...but take the effort to get to know yourself. What do you like, what do you want, how do you feel, why do you think the way you do...this part can be disorienting and might feel like vertigo but its required.

I do know who I am currently- what I like and which are the things I might never do again or do at all. This moment of clarity has come at the price of time, effort, resources and is worth until its time to introspect on the next version of me.
Sugar and spice and everything nice; these are the ingredients for the perfect girls. (Remember Powepuff Girls?!)
Me? I am made of darkness, laser, cotton candy, stardust, steel, diamonds, roses, flowing water and magic. For now, atleast...

To thine own self, be true,
Rain

PS: Trinity has posted the most intensely haunting poem and I really recommend your trip to - https://tealspace.wordpress.com at your earliest disposal (GO NOW. THANK ME LATER!!!)

Get Smart whether you know it or not

Two weekends have passed since I moved and I am still yet to spend both saturday-sunday nights at my new house. Last weekend was the American Independance Day long weekend and we were in a trip to Virginia and DC. Arunabh has already blogged about it but I am definitely going to have to suppliment that account with a post right here to ensure everyone's perspective is covered. Consider the above a trailer, if you will, for a soon to be released post. How about this past weekend, you may ask, so the story unfolds...


Yesterday was Aneesh's birthday and he is the baby of the group so I came from my new place, back to where I used to stay as the boys' neighbour until a forthnight ago, for his birthday celebration. And what a lovely celebration it was, consisting of Music, Dance, Violence, Comedy and some Romance (ever present if you put so many 23-28 yr olds together in a room). Some Comedy/Violence parts were even captured on tape and posted in a popular video site (courtesy Dinesh who seems to have a penchant for shooting people at their most unfortunate time - being beaten, getting ragged .etc.) I had a brilliant time and spent most of the night/early morning in hysterical fits of laughter.


Celebrations were planned to continue in the afternoon with 'Journey to the center of the Earth' [3D] but exactly 15 mins before the actual start of the showtime planned, it was found out that our friendly neighbourhood movie theatre only offered the 2D version thus draining the very reason why anyone would choose to go to the movie in the first place. By a curious twist of fate, we decided to go to the city to watch movie instead. Yuvaraj and the boys thought we were going to the city theatres to catch 'Journey..' in 3D while us girls were of the firm opinion that we were going to 'Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Naa'. Needless to say there was a bloodless coup ensuring that we ended up going for the latter, much to the chargin of a certain someone. Only, we were an hour and a half early for the next show!


This was highly disorienting for all of us since none of us had previously ever committed the faux paus of being over-early to anyplace. So we stood outside wondering how to kill time when someone said we should go to another movie if only to stay cool for the next hour and a half, so after a quick show of hands we voted to go in for 'Get Smart' and that was a serendiptously wonderful happening. Although he may be a part of the 'Frat Pack' (an astronomical no-no) I am a huge fan of Steve Carell. He simply cracks me up and comes across as a very intelligent, sweet and genuine guy in every character he plays (from The Office to Evan Almighty and to a very teeny-tiny extent 40yr old virgin) and Get Smart movie is such a feel good action comedy/ parody that it plays right into his strengths.



Anne Hathway is a nice surprise; otherwise known for her sugary sweet roles in Princess Diaries duology (is that what they call 2 movies in a series?) and Devil Wears Prada, she really makes you believe she is a badass field agent of C.O.N.T.R.O.L and her chemistry with a much older Steve Carell is really worth mentioning and definitely can't be missed. Rest of the cast also fit their roles so well that its a summer delight as the movie scampers at a brisk pace; a special shout out to Alan Arkin, The Rock and James Caan (a very funny President).
I may not have seen the serial that this movie is based on or the 60s original Get Smart movie but this movie is worth watching by itself (although some insider jokes may have been lost on me) and I sincerely hope the sequel (which are sure to follow) don't butcher all the positivity created here.


I was the last to leave the theatre of Get Smart as the rest were already in the one playing 'Jaane...' or in various stages of getting there. So the price I paid for watching Max Smart mini-harpoon himself yet again was the wonderful melody song that plays endlessly in my iPod this past week - 'Kabhi Kabhi, Aditi...'


When I breathlessly made it in, the young group in the movie were already graduating from college luckily that is when the story really picks up. So Aditi (from the eponymous song, aka Meow) and Jai (Singh Rathore or Rats) are really close among the group of 2 other boys and equal number of girls. As is true in most mixed groups there are mutliple love triangles- Rotlu has a one sided undeclared yet widely known feelings for Aditi (who along with jai is oblivous to it) and Bombs (Sandhya) has a crush on Jai (again...oblivious). And as a consequent resolution the two bond over their unrequited feeings. Jignesh (Jiggy) is a happy person who invites everyone to his own surprise birthday party, who's hair is a highlight (pun intended) and Shaleen is the cool guitar wielding punk dresser who sees what is going on all too clearly., i
The parents, in the film, are a bunch of excellent performancers from the best of yesteryear theatre and telly- Nasiruddin Shah keeps you in splits although he never even exceeds the confines of a frame, Ratna Pathak is the activist lawyer brainwashing her son into non-violence, Kitu Gidwani and Rajat Kapoor are the dark antithesis of the endearing couple of Jayanth Kriplani and Anuradha Patel (the beauty from Shilpa Kumkum covers!!!).
The young cast members have done neat jobs themselves. Good launch pad for the lead pair, aptly used by Imran, but I for one wasnt too impressed by Genelia, who according to my humble opinion has to work on her acting skills because cutie pie looks are transient.
The movie is refreshing, cute and many may connect with the storyline of friendship, how love seems to creep in somewhere unnoticed until its threatened by jealousy. Anyway, here is the spoiler - It ends on a happy note. [what a shocker!]

On the whole, a lovely entertainer with wholesome appeal to the whole family, another winner for Aamir Khan who already wowed yours truely with 'Taare Zameen Pe...' [which is in a whole different level of wonderful]


Doubly plied with feel-good so feeling good-good,
Rain