Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Star Nots....

Science Fiction is one of the few things that I take seriously. I happened to get serious about this genre only due to the influence of Star Wars. So Star Wars was quite sacred to me.
The first major blow came in terms of 'The Phantom Menace', which, now that I look bad was an indication of now really bad movies can seem quite tolerable in light of others that are even worse. So the kid was cute and so was Natalie Portman...the whole movie had an after-school-special in space kind of appeal. "Don't even get me started on that Jar-Jar!!!", threatens my sister and I am totally with her in this.

Next came "Attack of the clones", which had more dishum-dishum and a very very yummy Hayden Christensen. There was a whole lot of 2 people who shouldnt be together, standing really close in the firelight ; the girl wearing backless numbers around the adolescent would-be-villian guy... and other such *yawn* stuff. If she really did not want for them to be together then why the "Looks" and the "sighs" [deep retching sounds emerge from the author]. Shows like women know what is definitely wrong and still give in [YUCK]

But expectations were huge for 'Revenge of the Sith', despite the other 2 movies- which is saying something.

I was ready to forgive and forget provided I got my money's worth of 'Why-do-strong-jedis-go-bad'. So I went in for as early a show after its release as I could attend without getting fired from my job...only to get the following gyan:

Hayden Christensen knows only 2 facial expressions in terms of the range of his acting abilities.
one is the cute/shy look [which I will be the first to admit is quite good], the other the one he uses for angry/hurt/sad/scared/mad - which does not resemble any of the mentioned moods one small bit; further more, it negates the viewer who was charmed by his expression NO.1. Sis thinks its his 'I-am-totally-stoned' look.

Unfortunately for him, he was not in the movie to play the shy-boy-next-door that you'd give up your grandmother to have; rather he had to play Darth Vader-to be.
Frankly Santa Claus could have made a more convincing Angry-confused-prone to evil Anakin Skywalker than clueless Hayden. In fact my sister thinks that the Kid from episode#1 had mucho potential than this guy!! LOL


But We figured that even if we were to be disappointed with the story we could still be enthralled by the MIND_BLOWING work of ILM...But Sathyam had other plans [lights fade into a sinister twilight and evil laugh echoes in the sudden hush the surrounds the 2 heroines]

So its bad enough that you have to wait in a chicken coop with zilch ventilation and share the precious air circulation with 200 other humans for a really fun-filled 30 minutes and the topper being a really cheesy RDX cube that was flashed with disco lights [my dark side was truely winning in those circumstances]...things got worse when at the most nail-biting scenes like the Heroes hurling down from space in a craft that is falling apart..and then and then..... there is pitch darkness!!! Apparently the Sathyam Cineplex guys who are so Hep to introduce RDX haven't heard of this little thing they call 'Generator'...HELLO!!!

Since the movie was all about the "Dark" side of the force, we had one more pleasant current cut for 15 minutes this time...we had plenty of time to get to know the neighbours even if their pearly whites are the only part of them you can see.

I am going to manufacture -"Who needs RDX when you can't play the movie without current cut" T-Shirts, or you could take the "I HATE SATHYAM" to show your Hallmark feelings for this non-mercenary centre of movie watching magic.

Coming back to the story itself- There is this tit-bit that Darth Plagus [the unfortunate master of the Arch Villian Darth Sidius a.k.a Senator Palpatine] used to create life from the force in the form of light and we know from the Episode#1 that Anakin was born when his mother was exposed to some strange Radiation... So this Skywalker was born from the power of the Sith Master. This card should have been played strongly-that he is obviously prone to evil cos he sprang from that. Makes this whole 'Good corrupts to Bad' a nice psychological backup.
Shouldn't there have been a pretty damn good reason for a Jedi to become a Sith Lord rather than the most pathetically cliched excuse of 'fear of loss of LOVE' ?!!!

Ok, before people bombard me with 'you-didnt-give-love-the-respect-it-deserves' tell me this. Love will not suffer loss of standards. If Skywalker loved Padme, he'd have listented to that Butt-kicking cutie Yoda [who ROCKS!!!] and 'let go'. Speaking of the pint-sized Green Super Dude- his grammer is most devastingly mind-blowing when he takes on Darth Sidius, who proclaims 'At last the Jedi are no more...' with the apt reply 'Not if anything I can say about it'.

But the most potent line comes when Amidala reports on the action of the Senate in giving Senator Palpatine all the world, gift wrapped ; 'So this is how Democracy dies', she says, 'With thunderous applause'.

Lets take a moment here.
Despite Sathyam making a debacle in the name of RDX and despite the storyline being this insipid; I'd still recommend the movie for YODA and the above quote.

Gives us something to think about...

Nature of evil...another blog post being born,

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

The Gold Rush

The swadeshis have something to be proud about.
A day sanctioned by pseudo-religious beliefs and let to commercialism
completely. If today doesn’t beat the pants-off of Valentines, then we can conclude that the world won't end soon.
If you live in India, you'll know what I am talking about...
No, its not cos of my mother's 50th birthday...which quite coincidentally falls on this very day, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY,AMMA" welcome to the GOLDEN years :)
Got a clue? May be even a couple of clues?

Today’s AKSHAYA TRITHIYAM, people. There is a central belief [no doubt, originated from an enterprising jeweler in the past] that buying gold this day is auspicious and is a mark of more of its kind on its way to the buyer [also known as sitting duck or sucker].
Today all the businessmen connected with Gold selling rake up untold riches.
Those that buy, do so out of any of 3 most common reasons:
a]Too much money,
All of the buyers lose good money on bad investment but seem quite oblivious to that apparent fact and actually enjoy the process!
Their experience is akin to going for a gruesome horror flick where you know it isn’t going to be anything tasteful or intelligent but you'd like your skin to crawl a bit anyway.

Category a] have people who have so much money that can't be accounted to them, that they have to buy something or the other; after all, its not very comfortable sleeping on stacks of currency for more than a fortnight-So why not buy ridiculously overpriced gold stuff on a day dedicated to gold buying? There is always a bonus of showing off to the neighbors.
There is no actual point in discussing these people, except with the central vigilance commission, the Aykar angels (the IRS of India) and last but not the least-The honest members of the Anti-corruption bureau [if those mythical people do exist].

Category b] consists of lazy, superstitious get-rich-quick schemers.
Typically lower middle class people who pool in sweat money and smilingly hand to over to the cunning gold merchants in the vain hope that just because of this [very foolish] act, it will rain gold-only for them and only through their roof/ceiling. You can find these people storing up a certain percentage of their monthly, paltry salary for the exclusive purpose of lottery ticket purchase. I have only this to say to them- The belief that Akshaya Trithiyam will bring riches is very true. But only for Gold Dealers...NOT YOU.
Please invest in bonds and your children's education.

Category c] is populated by the somewhat-rich and upper-middle-class. In short, the club of the well-educated and the worldly. These guys know that there isnt going to be any rains of gold coins; they haven’t got money to burn either...why the hell do they buy gold then??
Simple. They have to live up to the 'status' they have to maintain in their own well-educated heads. You see, their Category #A neighbors have purchased gold in lakhs, so it becomes mandatory for them to commit the same stupidity to the degree of tens of thousands, at least.

Gold is considered auspicious because it used to be the currency of the ancient times. That is no longer the case, so why do we lust for this shiny metal so much that there is very little left to differentiate between monkeys and men?
It’s high time we Indians give up our atavistic attachment to gold; the only other more atavistic tendency might lead swinging from one tree to the other and growing powerful tails.

Not like the rest of the world is any less crazy about Au [yes, I remember my chemistry].
From the scientists of the middle ages, the Alchemists, to our modern Da Vinci Code readers, the creation of Gold [from everything from lead to horse urine], the extraction [remember the phenomenon that has the same name as this post?] and the ultimate acquisition of it [consider the multitude of pristine Indian tribes slaughtered by the Spanish looking for the famed 'El Dorado'- the city of Gold?] has been actively pursued since forever and all the failures have only helped to increase the addiction to Gold, world-wide.

The US govt hoards gold bricks in Fort Knox for the day when all currencies collapse and we revert back to gold as the common denomination. If this dystopian vision of the US economic consultants converts to an actual prophecy for the future; that would be the time when the average Indian would be richer than his counterparts in any other country of
the world. Wondering if I put in the word 'dystopian' too hastily ? Then understand that the previous sentence would also mean that our service minded and non-mercenary jeweller-next-door [guys might exist along side the honest govt officials] will have a big power over the common people. That is never a good thing.

Personally, I see no reason to contribute to the wealth of any gold jeweler store owner for the straight forward reason that no member of theirs ever extended the courtesy to me and made me rich.

So on this day, I can only beseech God to turn his/her attention away from the sinners, the hoarders, the morons and the greedy fools, to concentrate on showering everything good and great on the lady who gave me the gift of life, which is better than all the gold- my very lovely, intelligent, hardworking, selfless and patient mother - VATSALA ...

If ever anyone deserves a personalized rain of gold, its you Ma.
I wish you many many more years of complete happiness.
*lump in my throat and the imminent tears of sentiment, prevent my furthering this post*
your Golden girl,

Sunday, May 01, 2005


This is one of the many articles I have written in the long hiatus when I have had no internet connection at home. Will post the others in decent intervals
End of Foreword

Being no superstar in movies or sports or a regular new item in Page 3, Where else can I list out everthing I endorse, than my Blog?
Of course, I aint getting paid a paisa for this. Still, here goes:
# I endorse Deccan Chronicle as full time pass. [Sorry Ramya, Hindu is good too-but a bit too politically partisan for my taste]
# Irfan Pathan- he can model. I dont mean the gelled down hair the black leather pants and the jacket with swarovski crystals that he sported a he walked down the ramp in lakme India Fashion Week show yesterday. I mean his natural mop of curls, a simple white cotton shirt and jeans- he looks good. I am all for Irfan in normal clothes.
# The first book of the Artemis Fowl Trilogy as "Most Likely to give Harry Potter a headache". Sadly, the criminal boy genius is forced to mend his ways in the second and the final books.
# Godfather I and II as study material for those wanting to take up management or have ambitions of power. Learn all about "making an offer that can't be refused" and "never letting anyone outside the family know what you're thinking". Associated learning: to say "I know it was you ,Fredo"*give a loud smooch in the mouth*"You broke my heart" [in the most dramatic way possible][Maybe Mukesh Ambani can use this].
# Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie as "Two people most worth saving if the planet is doomed"-They are the best-looking specimens of their gender respectively and if they were to have children together [which I am told could happen, for further reference catch "Mr. and Mrs.Smith"]the future generations will have other specimens to oogle at. [Jude Law could have made the cut, but he "broke my heart" ref previous point]
# Working on an actual high priority project as "Better than reading 50 best books on software development life cycle and team working".
# I endorse the statement:"If you begin to like someone at work as that person knows the stuff and is a willing helper; that person will immediately be sent onsite" as the most relevant version of practical Murphy's Law.
# Sitting at home, listening to your favorite music and having a good read as "an experience nearest to that in Heaven".
# The jevarisi [a.k.a Sabud dana] vadams made by my mother as -"The best fried food item in the universe"
# "Give the devil, his due" as the most amusing quote to mention in a serious meeting.
# Selection of MJ as the "Stupidest American".
# I endorse Jai's views on the news channels like Sun and Jaya [One person's views, is his/her channel's news, the viewer has to take this abuse-written by me]
# Fact that frequent checking/sending/replying to: sms and email lowers IQ. [Aha...this is why I havent checked my office email in 2 weeks]
# Sliced tender cucumbers as "the most satisfying snack".
# Sky diving/Bungee Jumping/Touring Egypt/Going to Amarnath and Kailash-manasarovar as "Somethings to do before I die".
# I endorse the blogs I have placed under 'Blogspotting' as places where you can find frank and non-phony but extremely entertaining stuff.
# I find Intelligence, character and health as the 3 most vital things to look for in man [socially/personally].
# Exercising your right to vote - as the most patriotic act you can do for your country.# Not giving/accepting bribe - as the act that saves your soul.
# Prayer - "Best exercise that prevents gaining unwanted cynicism"Ok. now that I have dispersed losta unwanted gyan out into the cyber-universe...