Monday, May 28, 2007

Back from black

Blogging is a love, a saviour when I felt my mind slipping away into a semi-coma from the frustrations of life. I gave up on it because of intense irritation from some other disgusting, gross, needlessly painful phase. I wanted to clear my head and purge some rank, septic elements from there before I approach something I used to do well and used to love doing.

Something worth doing should be worth doing well and writing requires a good focussed head. I I am proud to say I am past my demons, I have come to terms with the bad decisions I made on who to trust to what extent and I think I have broken clean from the quicksand. I have returned to reading, news, movies, public speaking and prayer...things that enrich me and make me happy.

Writing would definitely follow those because this is the activity that requires most work, research, interest, commitment. In short, you have to be in the zone, in sync with your universe, chi should flow uninterrupted otherwise it would never work. You could stare at your empty 'Create' page in Blogger all week and NOTHING; Well meaning, interested, bossy or sycophantic people could dedicate their lives to inspiring you to hit the keys again for a range of reasons and go unnoticed, a parade of muses could catwalk across your couch where you are sprawled and you wouldnt waggle your toe, vastly illuminating experiences can occur and scintillating insights could have been gained and you would be frozen in front of your keyboard.

Inertia can corrode a writer's soul but writing when your heart's not in it will take you a peg down when you gaze at the mirror tomorrow. Rather write good when you can than write however but regularly. [echo of- rather reign in hell than serve in heaven, apparently I identify with Lucifer]

Long story short, this is not excuse, its just a sounding board of affirmation, a continuity of writing from the fragments of the motivated posts of long ago. Internalizing was good, it was a cleansing experience to be out of my everyday environments and all that it entails.
Expenses aside, Jersey and Niagara were good to me and my psyche.

It is nice to be me again. Rather be alone than in bad company.
Writing is my way of speaking to the world without actually going through the unnecessary building of casual, semi-formal and random interpersonal relationships that do more harm than good. As escapist as that might seem, its more practical for my aims and talents.

May the force be with me,