Monday, August 21, 2006

Trouble of being three...

You'd think that a person with a shred of intelligence will avoid a situation where there will be interpersonal relationships of the same nature between 3 people. After all, two is company...but three, as the cliché goes, is definitely a crowd.

But I am so far beyond stupid that I fall into the same trap time and again. History apparently has taught me nothing. I no longer feel I can even learn what a mouse in a science experiment would learn to associate with danger, some bad effect of an activity/situation.

Inherent and insolvable problem in being three is the number of relationships that exist are 6. Lets name the 3 people as A,B and C.
A-> B

The more the number of relationships, the more the misunderstandings, the jealousies, the rivalries for the affections, the unfair get the drift. Also any person with the working brain cell can identify that there is not one single positive outcome documented in the previous sentence.

Also from my listing of the relationships between A, B and C, it should be obvious that A->B is not equal to B->A. That in itself is not a problem [maybe it is, but not at all significant in direct comparison with the kind of trouble the author is talking about] if the equation only consists of 2 variables.

But consider this,

A->B = K [some value]
and B->A = L [another value]
but B->C = M [you know what is coming...]
of which K>L and M>L.

So the result = A is a pathetic, miserable, codependent loser who is not going to be given any importance from B, who prefers C instead.

Now you are beginning to understand the scope for the trouble. But it gets worse...

consider if all the 3 components of the equation feel that they are in the position of A in the previous illustration...

That they like a person more than the other but that person they like prefers the third more.

Whether it is a fact or not is entirely unimportant. Just that thought can lead to a lot of emotional turmoil.

God! to be emotionless... Would make the world such an efficient place.

People wouldn't be typing laments in form of blog posts, to be unleashed to the unsuspecting couple of people loyal enough to still come here and read it, at midnight when the next day is back-to-office-for- a-new-work-week day. [At this point the author takes a break to remember Rani ma'am who would say - “Short sentences make better impact, Remya! Why are you meandering...what is it, that you want to convey?”]

No one came keeping the another person's support as the basis. Which means that one can live without another person. Only funda is learning how to -

  1. Not NAG [Cos that is right only a wife has and the person doing the nagging is not one...]

  2. Not have expectations [Cos that leads to disappointment which sets off all the nagging...]

  3. Stay less entangled with the other 2 people [that way no expectations, no disappointments, no nagging]

As the wise sage Alanis sang-You live, You learn,

Monday, August 14, 2006


Today was very significant.

My third roommate, the mediator, the one who cared a damn about me, a person we shall call L [since I have as yet to ask her permission to reveal her details out here...], has moved out to another bigger/better apartment.

she is thrilled. I am happy for her but not for myself...
How much I depend on that person's mail [yes, he hasnt stopped them yet], how much I need to discuss every little stupid, insignificant detail with my cube neighbour/friend/idol/lead, who we can not even give a nick, since I respect her so much. How thrilled I get when Brinda calls [which she does make with unerring regularity :) ]
How Divya has become my entire support infrastructure...
How Vinoo understands my emotional crisis [crisis in plural is still crisis, right?] even if I dont need to elaborate...
And my other friends, co workers and neighbours too [there is practically no line of separation between these three things anymore]

which makes me really wonder; living away from family, seems to make people more vulnerable, clingy and dependant...
Am getting a very bad taste in my mouth even contemplating the use of these adjectives to describe me. But facts are facts.

Here is what I need to do to get a life:
1. Develop new hobbies - Revive tarot, take up sketching
2. Maintain the standard ones - Reading, Newspapers, Journals, blog more often
3. Survival actions - cook, clean, mend
4. Diagnostic - Finance Accounts, analyse spending, avoid unnecessary expenditure
5. Physical Exercise - Walk [with or without Matt], Tennis [Need matt for this one], Yoga [this one has to start...HAS TO]

Gaahhh with so many things to do...why am I being such a parasite on these people [mentioned directly and indirectly in the para above]

Tuesday is Independance Day [Hopefully, I should have started my path to independant living by then]
Wednesday is Janmashtami :) Will I get to go to the temple?

God Willing!