misfire

I recently overheard a girl saying something to the effect of the person on the other end (a girl I presume) is being too available and it would help if she wouldn't notice him for a while.

Then having been fed on many many stereotypical sitcoms and rom-coms, the following resulted:

Inevitability of Ugly Singleton Invisibility

As an amateur social theorist, a watcher of human relations and with my experiences of being myself...I've had certain consistent results come through, over a period of time, based on which I have come to the conclusion that under some specific conditions a person can become invisible or even completely disappear.

Here's my pseudocode for this condition:

IF

(AGE >= x) &

(STATUS = 'SINGLE') &

(LOOKS IN ('UGLY','FAT','NOT CUTE'))

THEN

{

DISAPPEAR_FLAG = 'Y' WHERE GROUP = 'ALL_FRIENDS';

OVERRIDE_DISAPPEAR = 'Y' WHERE GROUP IN ('FAMILY','TROUBLE@WORK','BILL_PAYMENTS')

}

ELSE

{

DISAPPEAR_FLAG = 'N';--FOR ALL GROUP

OVERRIDE_DISAPPEAR = 'Y'; --FOR ALL GROUP

}

The silver lining for this is that the blurring of existence is only on the physical plane.

In cyberspace you are as alive as the frequency of your social networking/microblogging site updates.

That way you can have friends who'll know what you are up to without them actually having to be with you (or care in the very least).

And that works great for them.

Here's my semi-autobiographical panel-

Change Resistant

A thousand words

As expected of anyone prone to routoundness, I appear even more spherical in photographs. So I tend to not prefer being in photos unless its of a bunch of us friends frolicking or standing around grinning like some runner up sports team, thereby dispering the focus from yours truly. Single shots of me are so rare that you can possibly speculate a huge auction value (but then Sotheby's is at hard ends with the recession so you never know). Besides decent photographers (almost always guys of the group) usually click away the cuter, more glam and stylish girls (i.e. any other girl but me).

If at all I suddenly develop aversion to being ignored so (happens once in a rare while) and insist on being photographed after defeating the photographer in argument, it angers me so much that I had to convince someone to focus on me that I cannot elicit a smile or any semblance of a pleasant expression anymore. I only end up with photos of me grimacing or looking belligerent which does not paint a pretty picture.

So its sufficient to say, I have no good photographs of me.

This lack of pictorial representation didn't figure even for a second in my mind until the dismal response to my matrimony site profile spurred my parents into requiring photos of me to upload. Assumption of the site was that adding my photo would increase the attraction of the profile. I think it panders to the lazy and shallow minded types who'd rather just look at the photo and move on, instead of having to actually read through the content or the junta who browse matrimony sites when they are bored. Nevertheless I bowed to this filial demand, I began the excruciatingly soul wrenching search of all my digital photos featuring me to crop out my visage and send to them.

The ones I selected were no good to the mater and sister who felt either my hair wasn't good in the pic or that I looked chubby in it or both. The astonishing part of the matter is that I do not have good hair and I am chubby, so one would logically assume that any photo of mine would (and should) indicate the same attributes. There was some debate and certain compromises (on their part) was reached as the only alternate was hair weaving, liposuction and hiring the photography team of National Geographic.

Next was the contention on the dress worn in the photograph. My mother insisted on saree photos of me even though I pointed out to her certain facts that didn't seem to mesh with her demand:

1. I have worn a saree all of 7 times in my entire life (first 3 times in high school)

2. I am not comfortable in a saree and do not know how to wear one on my own

3. A certain unspoken image of a person is presented when the prospective groom is shown a photo of her wearing saree (a black and white tamil movie heroine) and I am nothing like that.

But I had to give her this (my mother is a formidable woman) in exchange for her agreeing to let me also put in photos of me in churidhar and casual wear. I call these my what you see is what you get photos.

Last hurdle was of course the space age technology of the site itself. The first 100 attempts at uploads failed once we selected the file from the local disk. This would've frustrated a saint but my mother persevered and reported success at last. Unfortunately, in their attempts to render my photos in the size acceptable to the site they had mangled one photo to completely distorting resolution and I appeared in the second photo to be someone who'd never been exposed to the concept of grooming. My mother was so triumphant in her victory at the upload that I hadnt taken it upon myself to see the results until today.

Having seen me in such unflattering light, the mystery of why the effectiveness of my profile had dropped further became crystal clear (Astrologers had put it down to unfavorable planetary influences). So I personally took charge of uploading my photos this time around.

This activity only made me further marvel the excellent design and user friendliness of the site.

Once the server in all its wisdom had loaded your image from your system, you would be taken to a page where you would be asked to crop your photo and save it so that this can be used as a thumbnail picture which when clicked would show the actual photograph. Except and this was added just for kicks no doubt, the square given to select the part of the photo was not click and dragable. There was nothing that one could do considering the save photo button that one should click after satisfactorily selecting the area to crop was hidden by the photo itself.

In the end, the thumbnail pics of my photos look like reflections from a circus mirror - one elongated, one widened and one just right (that one was the least good of the lot).

Atleast this convinces me that any guy who sees these and still expresses interest in pursuing the possibility of a marriage alliance with me is not doing it from being overwhelmed by my striking physical appearance. Silver lining, I am so good at finding those! Hey, maybe I should add that to my profile :)

I am beautiful no matter what they say 
Words can't bring me down 
I am beautiful in every single way 
Yes, words can't bring me down 
So don't you bring me down today 

Rain

making trouble out of nothing at all...

First there was a system in india, then came a laptop in the US.

Ideally this should've been the end of the story but human nature is based from groundless greed.

Next there was Thanksgiving and there seemed to be a great deal. One thing led to another and now there came into a girl's life, the second laptop. But they were soon to part for the laptop belonged to another and our heroine was anxious to find a way to send the new laptop on its journey to the east.

Then came the bitter winter when a relative of a relative was to meet this scatterbrained twit (and only she allows herself to verbal abuse her) in the evening a mere 2 miles away from home.

But having walked 70% of the way to the rendezvous point, our brave lady chickened out at the sight of dimly lit ways with menacing overhead roads and shady looking people. She decided to flag a taxi having just ended a call with the relative and before she knew it, she had reached.

Like anyone is wont to at this juncture, she got out, took the luggage out and paid the nice man. Then she watched as he went his merry way into the inky darkness. Time to call the relative's relative...only where is the basic means of communication - the cellphone?

What was the license plate of the car? Name of the car company? Did she note the details of the driver himself? Did she atleast remember leaving the phone in the car?

A resounding no to all of the above (this one is for the x-files apparently)

Good point though, she met up with whoever she came to see, she sent the laptop to where it is bound but she has just spent the last 8 hours calling herself to only hear herself ask her to leave herself a message. No ringing.

Could use a good samaritan right about now, at the right time (this past evening), at the right place (the same taxi) and the right state of mind (helpful tendency). If it turns out to be a Daniel Craig look alike who is single...that would just be the stuff romance movies are made of.

Ok...I am willing to negotiate on the greek godliness or the marital status provided my lovely phone is back. Sacrifice is my middle name, also Practical and Observant (its 4 in the morning, I can't sleep and so I have 3 ironic made up middle names)

Phone, where ever you are...come back home. I MISS YOU already,

Rain

When its hard to remain silent...

A couple of my dear friends here see my over-willingness to talk or express opinion as something to be curtailed for maintenance of my overall image as a lady of dignity. There are days when I agree with them and think one should talk less and work more, moderation is the best path in life and that Status Quo is a nice place to be. Now is not one of those days...

I have constantly refrained from expressing strong political and religious opinion in my blog here because they are my own and publishing about them only invites everyone else to join in and debate their validity. I like validation of my thoughts & beliefs only when I expressly ask for them and Now is not the time when I would like some.

From last wednesday night, here, till the end of friday there was rampant terror in a important part of my homeland. Until very recently, no one was able to tell for sure why...

Even now its difficult to justify the cause that has lead to so many unwarranted deaths, senseless tragedy and the standstill of a bustling metropolis.

The Media milked the situation for all that it possibly could. I have always been a fan of the television...but crossing the lines is something even the most devout tv lover cannot accept.

Why would you intensively follow the most secretive & elite attack force of the nation and give up to the second coverage on live TV of how many are going in, from where and other such details of the methodology being adopted to flush the militants who are holed up?

Its almost as good as planning escapes for them.

When there is a terror situation and the NSG Commandos are handling it, the secretive nature of their jobs should be protected and press conferences should happen at the end of the day when all the work was done.

Sensationalism should not trod on the feet of the brave people who are trying to save the day.

Get some priorities people!

Now the icing on the cake...the blame game. 

political parties blame each other, countries are casting asperations on one another in the most vile and undignified way possible ( this discussion made my blood boil, so there!) and we look like a sorry bunch of imbeciles.

Suddenly India is one of the top 10 dangerous places in the world to visit.

Great! As if New York and London suddenly got deserted by everyone because of the large scale terror attacks that they faced. Then why such harsh measures?

Didnt anyone catch the interview of Johnathan Ehrlich and his message about Mumbai?

"Mumbai is New York, New York is D.C., D.C. is Vancouver and Vancouver is Menlo Park or Toronto. These people don’t have any remorse, it is pure evil. And they need to be stopped. And what we all need to do is get on a plane, go to Mumbai, put our arms around these people. They’re fantastic and beautiful people, they need our support. And we need to go and show these people that we’re not afraid. We need to dust ourselves off, pick ourselves up and get back in the game. "

I may not agree with the man always but MK Gandhi had it spot on when he said - Non-cooperation with evil is as much a duty as is cooperation with good.

The people who caused the terror in Mumbai are pure, adulterated evil and to cower and simper is to give them the result they sought. Mumbai has proved its mettle many times before, her people will do it yet again and with panache...

New Delhi, however, is an entirely different picture...If only the politicians would let the law capture and punish perpetrators and their helpers without giving consideration to vote bank politics that highlights the caste, religion and minority-majority aspects...but that scenario is too fantastical to expect; pigs are likelier to take wing instead.

Its time indians learnt the difference between actual secularity & tolerance vs. not taking the stand that is required just to maintain the image of secularity & toleranance...as S Gurumurthy has so correctly stated here.

The neighbours who call themselves "peaceful", probably because no one else will, are helpless to prevent the terror from affecting their cities and are getting the threats from their brothers about take overs (not the organization kind) if they work with NATO. Quite ironical that a parliamentarian lady from that country said to India that "what you sow, so you reap".

How about you say that for yourselves first?

It is an unjust world where London born youth with all the oppurtuinity to make peaceful and educated decisions adopt religious matyrdom as their chosen path to glory and cause the misery to innocents Indian, American or Israeli. But its just another instance of the eternal struggle...its painful and saddening to be on the side of Good, but we will win.

A prayer for all the lives lost and left barely breathing...a wish for the survivors to find their way again.

Sarve bhavantu sukhinah

sarve santu niraamayah

sarve bhadrani pashyanthu

Ma kaschid dukha mapnuyat

Om Shanthi Shanthi Shanthihi,

Rain

JAI HIND.

Cards of fortune

Corporate card, in store card, library card, transit charge card....ALL of these cards are causing me such a lot of trouble that I am actually physically sick!!!
Also my 'you live, you learn' moment of the week is - Stay where you are and do not go out of the way to give anyone any importance because that will come back and bite you when no one is concerned about your absence.

Just caught the opening ceremony of the Summer Olympics at Beijing.
WHOA. The Chinese know how to put on one magnum opus of a show!

Indian contingent showed lack of uniformity and the commentators mentioned just how poor the sports infrastructure was even though we were mostly on the same page as China (who is a sports superstar) with respect to population and prosperity.

Cranky and sniffly,
Rain

Limerick of Silence

Today I finished a significant task
but not in a way that, in joy, I can bask

Its just done
and a friend, if you're one

Nothing more about it, you will ask...

:(
Rain