The Fountain

The movie is intense, creepy and a total trip.

Stories interweave into each other, the central narrative of a Doctor researching tumor removing medicines for his dying writer wife blends mystically into imaginings of her last book which has the same title as the movie, about spanish conquistador's(who's name is the same as the research doctor) in the mayan jungles looking for the tree of life for his Queen (who has the same name as the wife). In between these two parallels are the indescribable scenes of an ageless man tending the drying tree of life encapsulated in a bubble that is hurling in the heavens towards shibalba. The effect was deeply spiritual and personal at the same time.

Rachel Weisz does a neat essay as the obsession of the protagonist and the whole surprise package (other than the fact that I liked it) is Hugh Jackman's portrayal as the grieving husband, his emotions raw and painful.

The haunting imagery hits so close home that it brought goosebumps- first snow, writing witha black fountain pen, stargazing, an unfinished novel and a ring that connects (which goes missing).

The last 20 minutes of the movie were possibly result of a cocktail of drugs taken together and the visions recorded but they just blew my mind. The A-ha moment of the movie is quite literally - memento mori. Birth from Death. Love Forever.

"All these years, all these memories, there was you. You pulled me through time."

Death is something I've never been able to accept or face bravely so this movie was quite an intense journey for me. The beautiful and ethereal background score just heightened the experience. This was a brilliant movie.

We will live forever,

Rain

View from the top

I did it.

I finally moved and it just so happened, my room is at the last floor of a high rise.

I sit here and see blue skies and clouds outside my window. I see office from here.

Sure the getting the elevator and having it stop in each and every floor till there is no oxygen left is a huge test in the patience that I don't really have but I'm on top now.

As small as this room is, its entirely mine. That is just brilliant.

Still settling in,

Rain

The Empire that struck my fancy

An Indian cannot but help being slightly British. Why else would a three year old in Madras be taught to sing about the calamities that befell UK - London Bridge is falling down & Ring-a-ring-a-Roses?

Why would the only english language books in any library for children under 10 be only comprised of the works of Enid Blyton and Beatrix Potter ?

And speaking of Potter - You know how magic crazy the desi muggles are because most of you have contributed to the wealth of J.K.Rowling.

The Brits laid out the concepts behind our educational system and bureaucracy (thanks for that) amongst other things.

Our spelling and use of language is more British than anything else, although to be fair English is taken on more desi words and sounds like our cup of chai.

I personally could never think of them neutrally (like I would think of a Swiss person) because of their penchant for grabbing whatever they could lay their hands on regardless of the consequences for the grabee.

It seemed to me that maybe they had no respect for anyone besides anything to do with them. You can well understand the resentment,my country had a British Empress once and we are Indian.

Conversely, we were always having cosy, fraternal feelings for the US. They seemed more easy going and had broken off from Britain (adds points to them) and like us spoke english with their native twist.

America gave us Hollywood and Wall Street - 2 things known to every common Indian. The US accent became very familiar to the average desi and there was a phase in our high school when the creme-de-la-creme decided to sport afore mentioned accent just because.

I was extremely comfortable with books and movies from the US, being predominantly, an English speaker because they were more famous, fun,widespread and available.

There then came I time when I started living here in the US and felt right at home with everything (almost).

Until now I never thought about the British except for news snippets with British Primeministers or some adventure of the Royal Family.

Then things changed. My work was in its ending phase and with the voluntary ouster of a colleague, I was made a offer for a position in the UK.

Nothing was known and the position itself was not confirmed, it was just a possibility. I started reading the UK and Ireland editions of Google News.

BBC browsing became a routine and I actually have downloaded lessons on speaking Scottish Gaelic in my system.

I borrowed 'Mind Your Language' DVDs from the Library and rewatched the last 2 Bond movies atleast 10 times (although related, it was actually for some other reason)

The accent was suddenly a little endearing. Then I knew I was in danger of become an Anglophile.

I spoke with my friends who'd been to London and other cities for work and enquired about the lifestyle and conditions there.

Having looked up apartments for rent and Bus company sites for weekend trips to London, I then proceeded to tell almost anyone who'd enquire as to what I was going to do next.

J and I even made plans for sightseeing in May. I read up on the pre-christian pagan culture of the Isles [ask me about Samhain & Beltaine] and all the historical romance novels that Georgette Heyer ever wrote.

I am probably one of the few people of non-UK origin who knows what 'Corinthian' means. I also watched the gangster movies for the feel of the present day UK -

Lock Stock &.., The Bank Job, RocknRolla, LayerCake (I love cake). I also watched all the BBC mini series of the novels of the Brontes and Eyre.

Having done all this, I suddenly started seeing the British men in a very flattering right and as a direct result, started despising the women.

I also noted that in Hollywood some of the most ruggedly handsome men and the most chocolate faced lets-drive-the-teens-crazy guys were imports from UK.

In stark contrast, the women were all very thin, statuesque (and I dont say that with admiration) and perennially smoking.

No female seemed likeable, except Bridget Jones and they had to bring an american to play that role.

I am quite unable to muster any semblence of interest in football (I am Indian and do not deign to call it Soccer).

Hopefully that can be imbibed once I actually land there and soak up the ambience (or the smell of burning petrol from the riots).

Also the coverage of the English on Jon Stewart is mostly just brilliant :) [Hellooooooooow!]

Now, I am still in the Big Apple and will be for the better part of the year. The opportuinity that could've taken me to GB had morphed into a form no longer suited to me and job-wise I have moved on.

Still my interest in the United Kingdom still remains strong. I rather fancy them.

So I drink my English Tea, read the Telegraph UK and dream about going there.

I bet the sun sets on their empire now...

Rain

First Desi Oscars

We knew it was a long time coming but the its finally here!

Such a red letter day my indian brothers  & sisters, my family and that one guy I will marry (when I find him) KUDOS :)

We're proud of you ARRahman (you are a music genius) and Pookutty (you're acceptance speech was A-W-E-S-O-M-E)

Our tricolor flies that much higher today and this is a special day for Mumbai, the eternal.

So HAPPY,

Rain

making trouble out of nothing at all...

First there was a system in india, then came a laptop in the US.

Ideally this should've been the end of the story but human nature is based from groundless greed.

Next there was Thanksgiving and there seemed to be a great deal. One thing led to another and now there came into a girl's life, the second laptop. But they were soon to part for the laptop belonged to another and our heroine was anxious to find a way to send the new laptop on its journey to the east.

Then came the bitter winter when a relative of a relative was to meet this scatterbrained twit (and only she allows herself to verbal abuse her) in the evening a mere 2 miles away from home.

But having walked 70% of the way to the rendezvous point, our brave lady chickened out at the sight of dimly lit ways with menacing overhead roads and shady looking people. She decided to flag a taxi having just ended a call with the relative and before she knew it, she had reached.

Like anyone is wont to at this juncture, she got out, took the luggage out and paid the nice man. Then she watched as he went his merry way into the inky darkness. Time to call the relative's relative...only where is the basic means of communication - the cellphone?

What was the license plate of the car? Name of the car company? Did she note the details of the driver himself? Did she atleast remember leaving the phone in the car?

A resounding no to all of the above (this one is for the x-files apparently)

Good point though, she met up with whoever she came to see, she sent the laptop to where it is bound but she has just spent the last 8 hours calling herself to only hear herself ask her to leave herself a message. No ringing.

Could use a good samaritan right about now, at the right time (this past evening), at the right place (the same taxi) and the right state of mind (helpful tendency). If it turns out to be a Daniel Craig look alike who is single...that would just be the stuff romance movies are made of.

Ok...I am willing to negotiate on the greek godliness or the marital status provided my lovely phone is back. Sacrifice is my middle name, also Practical and Observant (its 4 in the morning, I can't sleep and so I have 3 ironic made up middle names)

Phone, where ever you are...come back home. I MISS YOU already,

Rain

Flotsam

Free will is an illusion. I have heard this, felt it minorly before and only considered the concept in theoretical basis. Now I complete get that control over your own life, is just as substantial as a vision of a fountain of chocolate milk in the middle of the Sahara.

Its not like I was foolish enough to resist change. I accept it as a constant, rather the only constant. But all references to a normal life to be torn asunder, for you to be just a wrecked piece of who you used to be and what your world used to be like, one fine day without a sound or ceremony.

Reality just unhinged for me. Suddenly there are no certainities, no answers, no basis of any judgement/decision be it sound or otherwise. No people, no ties, no feelings, nothing familiar.

Nothing to anchor on to the semblence of my erstwhile universe.

It happened naturally and without notice like a season change or ageing. 

Universe decided to shake me out of my comfortable and predictable little niche and plant me on crossroads again. To quote the cliche - "fate is not without a sense of irony".

More frustrated than sad at being given a riddle with absolutely no means to find a resolution, I am completely aware of the fact that its just as well. I have never given up anytime and dont believe in that at all. Just one more turn of the wheel that requires a test of my resilience and spirit of survival. 

Not my idea of how it should be but hey I am just a lazy human in a tiny speck of a larger universe...what do I know?

Bring it on, World. Defiance is infinitely more natural to me than surrender...

Rain

When its hard to remain silent...

A couple of my dear friends here see my over-willingness to talk or express opinion as something to be curtailed for maintenance of my overall image as a lady of dignity. There are days when I agree with them and think one should talk less and work more, moderation is the best path in life and that Status Quo is a nice place to be. Now is not one of those days...

I have constantly refrained from expressing strong political and religious opinion in my blog here because they are my own and publishing about them only invites everyone else to join in and debate their validity. I like validation of my thoughts & beliefs only when I expressly ask for them and Now is not the time when I would like some.

From last wednesday night, here, till the end of friday there was rampant terror in a important part of my homeland. Until very recently, no one was able to tell for sure why...

Even now its difficult to justify the cause that has lead to so many unwarranted deaths, senseless tragedy and the standstill of a bustling metropolis.

The Media milked the situation for all that it possibly could. I have always been a fan of the television...but crossing the lines is something even the most devout tv lover cannot accept.

Why would you intensively follow the most secretive & elite attack force of the nation and give up to the second coverage on live TV of how many are going in, from where and other such details of the methodology being adopted to flush the militants who are holed up?

Its almost as good as planning escapes for them.

When there is a terror situation and the NSG Commandos are handling it, the secretive nature of their jobs should be protected and press conferences should happen at the end of the day when all the work was done.

Sensationalism should not trod on the feet of the brave people who are trying to save the day.

Get some priorities people!

Now the icing on the cake...the blame game. 

political parties blame each other, countries are casting asperations on one another in the most vile and undignified way possible ( this discussion made my blood boil, so there!) and we look like a sorry bunch of imbeciles.

Suddenly India is one of the top 10 dangerous places in the world to visit.

Great! As if New York and London suddenly got deserted by everyone because of the large scale terror attacks that they faced. Then why such harsh measures?

Didnt anyone catch the interview of Johnathan Ehrlich and his message about Mumbai?

"Mumbai is New York, New York is D.C., D.C. is Vancouver and Vancouver is Menlo Park or Toronto. These people don’t have any remorse, it is pure evil. And they need to be stopped. And what we all need to do is get on a plane, go to Mumbai, put our arms around these people. They’re fantastic and beautiful people, they need our support. And we need to go and show these people that we’re not afraid. We need to dust ourselves off, pick ourselves up and get back in the game. "

I may not agree with the man always but MK Gandhi had it spot on when he said - Non-cooperation with evil is as much a duty as is cooperation with good.

The people who caused the terror in Mumbai are pure, adulterated evil and to cower and simper is to give them the result they sought. Mumbai has proved its mettle many times before, her people will do it yet again and with panache...

New Delhi, however, is an entirely different picture...If only the politicians would let the law capture and punish perpetrators and their helpers without giving consideration to vote bank politics that highlights the caste, religion and minority-majority aspects...but that scenario is too fantastical to expect; pigs are likelier to take wing instead.

Its time indians learnt the difference between actual secularity & tolerance vs. not taking the stand that is required just to maintain the image of secularity & toleranance...as S Gurumurthy has so correctly stated here.

The neighbours who call themselves "peaceful", probably because no one else will, are helpless to prevent the terror from affecting their cities and are getting the threats from their brothers about take overs (not the organization kind) if they work with NATO. Quite ironical that a parliamentarian lady from that country said to India that "what you sow, so you reap".

How about you say that for yourselves first?

It is an unjust world where London born youth with all the oppurtuinity to make peaceful and educated decisions adopt religious matyrdom as their chosen path to glory and cause the misery to innocents Indian, American or Israeli. But its just another instance of the eternal struggle...its painful and saddening to be on the side of Good, but we will win.

A prayer for all the lives lost and left barely breathing...a wish for the survivors to find their way again.

Sarve bhavantu sukhinah

sarve santu niraamayah

sarve bhadrani pashyanthu

Ma kaschid dukha mapnuyat

Om Shanthi Shanthi Shanthihi,

Rain

JAI HIND.

WE WON!!!!

PEOPLE...We finally have a gold medal!

Abhinav Bindra won the 10m Men's Air Rifle.
We saw the victory ceremony and we felt goosebumps when the proud anthem of India was played. This is a red-letter day and tomorrow we celebrate!!!

Here are some excerpts from the commentary-

The gold medalist with an outstanding score of 100.5 in the Final moving all the way up from starting in 4th place, Abhinav Bindra from India.
Bindra's final score was 104.5
Bindra lived at Colorado Springs for about 6 months several years ago and trained with the US team. He is a super kid and winning the gold medal couldn't have happened to a nicer Kid
Bindra's Final score of 104.5 was outstanding and carried him to the gold medal, even though he trailed by 2 points in the preliminary
Abhinav Bindra, India, who in the reigning World Champion, is now also the 2008 Gold Medalist. His final score is 700.5

HINDU ARTICLE


proudly Indian, JAI HIND!!!
Rain

Newfound Narcissism

Its official...I have put on back whatever weight I had lost, in just 2 weeks of lapsed time.
Nevertheless, the confidence in my looks that I had gotten for the first time, thanks largely to an excellent portrait photo by a friend in law, hasnt waned yet.

Today I had the good fortune to have yet another passably good portrait photo of me taken when I was least expecting it. I was just in my friends' to pick them up on our way to Valabha Ganapati Temple when I walked in on a full-fledged photoshoot and they were kind enough to include me in the last 3 shots. Although, I have firmly become the mayor of AuntyLand, I saw bits of my mother in my photos today and that made me happier about my appearance than I can remember being. She is a handsome woman. If I had more of her in me, I'd be very sought after!

Anyway, one more official news - I like how I look.
May not be earthshaking to most, but its quite significant that one should feel good about themselves. Even most transitory and materialistic parameter like how you look matters to your self image. Your self image in turn matters to your attitude, personality, confidence, how you present yourself to others and ultimately how others will see you. No new findings here, just that I am able to actually accept the stuff I have been just reading about for so long.

Now that I have moved to the pro-marriage camp (not that I was expressly against it at any time, just that I didnt want me married) its quite important that the looks factor and all the psychological issues behind it are sorted out ASAP (hate that word still, yes). I have been asked to make peace with the fact that potential grooms have only my grainy pictures to make up their minds for the first level of showing 'interest' (provided the horoscope, profile, age, vital statistics .etc. are all matching...which is a blooming miracle of probability).

Even if not with the intention of making me more nubile, I hope to atleast convert the new joy of me into wearing uncreased clothes to work and brushing my hair when I go out.

A Model Me,
Rain

Awake...at last!

This blog post is dedicated to me.
Its addressed to me by myself and I will probably be the only person to read it also.

Funnily enough, sounds like I may have developed God Complex erstwhile known to affect only Cardiac and NeuroSurgeons [the alphas of medicine jungle], but its an outcry from an isolated padded cell I have created for my own expression [and I am not talking about the facial variety here]

Didn't I love to write? Wasn't I that exuberant person who was vocal with joy and sadness at equal measure? What happened that turned me completely around?

Can't figure out for the life of me. Just like Forrest Gump started running one fine day all the way until he suddenly decided to stop, I just didn't write for very very long and now have decided to break that. Just as good, at least I have taken baby steps away from the well I have been croaking in for the past years...

I will probably not make any money from this even if I were to add google adsense simply because I am not as good-as others, as I used to be, as required for making money with blogs in adsense...fill any option. What the heck, go crazy fill all the options...they fit anyway.
wait, there is more - I don't write about anything that google adsense can take keywords out of, because its all about ME and I am in no way connected with any commerce that can sell.
Yet I want to start writing again, rusty and degenerated as the posts maybe, I will start flexing my stiff muscles of creativity or expression. I should get good eventually, odds are good for regular practice to cause some improvements.

I feel an awakening today, to break out from the monotony of my mundane life; to get better, to be happy and not numb. I WANT ADRENALINE, ENDORPHINS - something...
I want a sensory load of new sights, sounds and experience...I want to KNOW, LEARN and UNDeRSTAND. I am clean slate waiting to be etched on...I am Joe's beginner enthusiasm...

Consciously want to avoid channelling Joe from Fight Club into my soul; its becoming disturbingly easy to connect with a drone who turns into a sociopath.
Valmiki would be the ideal...the primitive hunter who turns into an erudite sage and composes a masterpiece that survives the ages.

I could do with a surge of electricity to switch on my brain circuitry...Someone provide a boost!
Life is so transitory, I want to be alive for every moment of it...to savor all of its flavors and not stay boring and bland. Inactivity begone!

I WANT TO FLY, I WANT TO FEEL.
HELLO WIDE WORLD, SHOW ME YOUR WONDERS...

Re-started,
Rain