Tale of the Two Cities

I am a super-charged NewYorker during the workweek daytime and a change back to a mild mannered Jersey Girl at other times. I embrace my dual identities and happily too.
Funnily enough, it fits and isnt as contrary as one might expect. Having managed the transition from small-town girl (where everyone on the street practically knows your name and what you had for breakfast) without even blinking, I smoothly enmeshed myself into the routine that best serves the fact that I work in New York and live in the neighbouring Garden state.
Of course, I had help; Vijay to help with the office related settling-in and Ratheesh helped me find my groove in the svelte sophistication of Newport, Jersey City.

I never thought I would feel this way, but I like the bee-hive activity in the Big Apple and the constant buzz of people doing things. I like submerging into the sea of humanity and being led into and out of trains and while crossing the streets. There is simply no time for gossip and nose-poking here, its just not NY.
Rules here are simple and very primeval - "Keep Going or Get out of the way". This penchant for efficiency and productive non-intrusive outlook hasnt taken away the souls of the populace, if at all the vibrant culture and flourishing art, architecture, music and theatre are any parameters to go by.

Although treated with apparent disdain by the "natives", the vibes in Jersey City are by no means rural or pastoral as the polished cousins across the Hudson would like us to believe. Although its true that NJ is practically majority Indian with a smattering of the other nationalities, the people are smart, glamorous and ubercool too. If you arent up to going beserk in the 7th Avenue shops (after looking at pricetags) or find it ok to breeze in and out of Millenium Hilton (having eaten and paying the bill there) then Jersey City is probably slumming. But I am in the median of the population's per capita income and I like the close-to-home feel of Jersey and am looking forward to shopping in the 'Indian' street in Journal Square, eating at the Indian eateries in Edison, going to the Temple in Bridgewater and visiting Brinda in the family suburb of Brunswick.

An element of surreality is the place where I live, its a luxury furnished apartment in a high-rise and it overlooks the Newport Marina (where the rich people park their yachts), the Hudson river and the eternal lights of the Manhattan skyline. I have a doorman with a reception desk (replete with the uniform and the gold buttons) and my lobby looks like something from a Karan Johar movie set. To make things worse, I practically occupy the whole house by myself and have gotten even more spoiled with my idea of "space".

Independance and Freedom is in every atom here - you cook if you want or go out and eat, you stay in if you want or go jogging at 1 AM on the Hudson walkway, you save-up if you can or go shopping at the Newport Mall, you can drive or walk where ever or take a train to anyplace, you can internalize all you want and no one will bother you or you could surround yourself with people and be out all the time; Its your choice and there are no constraints here [except those of the financial kind, which we will not focus on just to keep our sanity].

In short, I am living it and loving it- the Desi take on the American Dream.

Happy at last,
Rain

The Ultimatum

With the weekend and having to stay immobile for the nursing of the sprained ankle, I naturally turned to the movies and saw - My Sassy Girl, Kanda Naal Mudhal, Chak De India, YOu Me and Dupree, Bourne Ultimatum, so far.
No prizes for guessing which one of the movies is my absolute craze!

I am a HUGE fan of the Robert Ludlum written trilogy that the movies were inspired from and am usually hard to please with the movie interpretation even if I hated the book; but Paul Greengrass has done such a slick, smart job with the revamped version of the Bourne adventures as to actually meet with my approval!

The third installment- The Bourne Ultimatum is my total favorite from the trilogy as its an out and out thriller in the action genre and the pace of the movies never sags. You will never see the lead character spend time in the mundane activities like - eating, sleeping, walking in a normal pace. He is always on an overdrive, hopping between countries with the ease of visiting your bathroom, speaking in the local language with the fluency of the local (Russian, Spanish? Not a challenge to our behaviorally modified hero), having no concern for anything remotely fiscal (some bottomless bank account he has...), dodging bullets, saving the maiden (who is not a Bimbo, refreshingly enough, nor his love interest!), finding the truth about himself, dealing with his scattered memories, exposing the 'Big Brother' ruthlessness of the CIA and jumping from the rooftops with feline grace and aplomb. I am smitten!

If you want to know the story [which I admit, takes the backseat in the last 2 bourne movies], I would recommend, renting the DVD or better yet watching in the Theatre with friends who appreciate this movie!

The Soundtrack of the Bourne Movies is embodied by the very stylish sounds from the very addictive "Extreme Ways" by Moby. I believe that techno doesn't have "heart" but Moby's songs are an exception to this. I have been listening to the song in a loop since i finished the movie.
Click here to visit the page and select to "watch" for 'Extreme ways' [although I recommend closing your eyes and visualizing Bourne creating havoc internationally, set in tune with the sounds playing!]
I loved the ending (inspite of knowing that its going to happen)...even though it didn't exactly tie up all the loose threads (possibility of more Bournes?). This is the first Ultimatum that I thoroughly enjoyed. :D

Bourne-Again,
Rain.

A Twist in the tale...

Was it the gemstone earrings sent with a special dash of my parents' blessing? Was it that Saturn moved away from the house of my sign? Was it just that there was an opportunity and my current team thought me expendable? Who knows or cares?
All that needs to be highlighted is that I have just completed my last day with a project I was involved in for the better part of my entire career and am moving on to a new Project, new role in a new team in a new location. If that wasn't enough of a twist in the story, I went to the Bryan Adams concert on a totally wet night and simply because we turned up, our lawn tickets were upgraded to the enclosure ones!
One blemish on the exuberance of the entire evening was my flare up with Gow [Who decided to be behave like a complete *&*%@#$&*#@% without any reason]. Some good friendships die this way...
With a fresh new start to life, I decided to revamp my wardrobe with clothes selected by people with some aesthetic sense of fashion and had a happy time doing so, the last weekend. Since Parveen and Aafia are back to India by this tuesday, they came with us too and we had a total blast!
First time in my adult life I feel like I look good [my fruitless attempts at losing weight aside] and people agree with me [isn't that a first ever occurrence of that or what?]
Just when we thought things will settle down now, I had a very uncomfortable last week with farewells everyday [after which people looked continually surprised to see me haunting the corridors, as if I was some undead creature]. I have been parroting to everyone I see that I will continue in my cube until the end of the first week of September when I actually leave.
After jubilantly surviving the "Official" last day, when I was just walking home last night I managed to keep my life eventful by inadvertently spraining my ankle but twisting it, might I add - powerfully.

As a result my plans to quench my thirst for knowledge at the Carnegie Museum of Natural History and Art were fizzled out and I had to end up apologising to the 2 kind souls who had agreed to accompany me in the first place - Srividya and Vicky.

So I am now getting used to being waited on and being handed my food and anything else I would like ;)
It also helps that my friends are calling in every part of the day - morning, afternoon, evening and night to check on my condition, making me feel really cherished. Only furrow in my happy face is the worry that my ankle might not heal in time for my first day in the new project - Monday or further that it might remain weak during my much awaited, long anticipated, most carefully planned vacation to the Grand Canyon [woo hooooo!]

Having so much free time and restricted movement, my thoughts turn to the 2 movies I have seen recently - My Sassy Girl [Thanks to the persistent effects of SriVidya] and Kanda Naal Mudhal [Which I have seen so many times, I can't count]
The Girl being naturally more dominant than the Boy, slapping the guy is common to both. Needless to say, I enjoyed it as a variation of the usual, man slapping some sense to the girl approach that works so wonderfully in the Indian Movies [Stereotypically, of course].

The count down to my GrandCanyon trip, the NY Move and the India vacation is a constant ticker in my mind :D [Yaaaaaaaaaaaay] and it gets me through the day.

Upbeat despite the swollen ankle [or is it too much icecream?]
Rain

Lucky Sevens...

07/07/07 was supposed to be the luckiest day of the century, so much so that lots of couples married that day, mothers delivered that day (planned c-section, I assume) and there was a lot of praying and contrastingly merry-making.

To me it was just another saturday- waking up late, talking to my folks, playing with the baby...
But I got lucky when the performance I was slated to go to but was routed off to someone else, came back to me at 5 PM. Within the hour, I found myself in the Post-Gazette Pavilion listening to REO SpeedWagon perform live....
Those numbers they belted out were older than I was and still they rocked. Styx followed suit and got the crowd on their feet, then came the main act - DEF LEPPARD.
That's right, Ladies and Gentlemen, Rain has attended, enjoyed and freaked out at a DEF LEPPARD Concert!

Aug 4 and 5 are back-to-back unmissable concerts with Korn and Evanesance followed by none other than the master himself, Bryan Adams; in the very same hallowed venue where Aerosmith played last June with Motley Crue opening for them (which I missed, unfortunately).

I dont know how I will manage, but I will attend those concerts as well...God willing.

Somebody up there likes me :)
Rain

Its just a little____

A picture is worth a thousand words and a thousand words arent enough to describe what I am about to say. But I dont quit. Here goes-

I

I am Human and other songs

The reaction to this title can be twofold. The usual one is - "I noticed" and the more whimsical one would be - "Really? You don't say!"
Ha ha aside, this is the name of the song that my sister and I used to like, when the titles of "Charmed" came. After a sudden refresh of memory, I googled the song out and here are the lyrics:
I am the sun
I am the Earth
All the shyness that is criminally vulgar
And some of them
Are nothing in particular

You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way?
I am human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does

It's just sad that you have to go
You could be somebody
That really loves you
So you go and you stand on your own
And you go home
And you cry and you want to die

And you say it's gonna happen now
But when exactly do you leave?
See, I've already waited too long
And all my hope is gone

You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way?
I am human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The other show soundtrack I really liked and hunted for- Superman by Lazlo Bane from 'Scrubs' [That Zach Braff is a dish!] Its very sweet, earnest and full of common man's angst:

Out the door just in time
Head down the 405
Gotta meet the new boss by 8 a.m.
The phone rings in the car
The wife is workin' hard
She's running late tonight again

Well
I know what I've been told,
You got to work to feed the soul
But I can't do this all on my own
No, I know, I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman

You've got your love online
You think you're doing fine
But you're just plugged into the wall

And that deck of tarot cards
Won't get you very far
There ain't no hand to break your fall

Well
I know what I've been told
You gotta know just when to fold
But I can't do this all on my own
No, I know, I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman

That's right

You've crossed the finish line
Won the race but lost your mind
Was it worth it after all

I need you here with me
Cause love is all we need
Just take a hold of the hand that breaks the fall

Well I know what I've been told
Gotta break free to break the mold
But I can't do this all on my own
No I can't do this all on my own
I know that I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman

Someday we'll be together
I'm no Superman
Someday
Someday we'll be together
Someday
I'm no Superman

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The draw for me is that, they both are really good songs and they are unpretentiously frank about the fact that they don't deal with anything in superlatives. Not about rich, strong or beautiful people doing extraordinary feats or landmark achievements. Not your usual song about love, scorned love, spurned love or soured love. Best of all- it is not a garish flesh display with lyrics on the anatomy. These songs embrace the aspects of being just human - pain, sadness, frustration, hope, love [but in a tasteful quantity], dignity, acceptance and chance.

Then I began to look for more compilations oked by Zach Braff then I found out that the song I raved about in my earlier post called 'Let Go' by frou frou [voice-Imogen heap] was his choice for his movie- 'Garden State', which he scripted and directed [what is not to love?]. So I began to look for more songs he selected and two songs from the same band featured in the soundtrack - New Slang and caring is creepy, both by The Shins. I think both are 'grow into' type of songs, very cerebral and intense, once again angst ridden and open to misery of existence.

These new crop of songs and artists are the next generation of alternate indie rock, ready to take the baton from the likes of REM, Oasis [to a limited extent], Radiohead, Nirvana [who's sound I identify with though I cant figure out why], Red Hot Chilli Peppers [of before], Smashing Pumpkins, Pearl Jam, Alanis Morisette and achieve eternal glory in the universe of the Rock-heads [there arent so many of us anymore...we are a dying breed like the 'Nightwalkers']

I also made a re-discovery of the relevance of retro songs when I chanced upon 'The Thomas Crown Affair' (original starring that dashing Steve McQueen) and listened to the award winning 'Windmills of your mind' which is almost poetic in its lyrical appeal, its about someone dealing with their feelings after the end of a relationship. Its not very exceptionally sung, but its very attractive in its sound -

Round,
Like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel,
Never ending on beginning,
On an ever-spinning reel
Like a snowball down a mountain,
Or a carnival balloon
Like a carousel that's turning
Running rings around the moon
Like a clock whose hands are sweeping
Past the minutes on its face
And the world is like an apple
Spinning silently in space
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind!

Like a tunnel that you follow
To a tunnel of its own
Down a hollow to a cavern
Where the sun has never shone
Like a door that keeps revolving
In a half-forgotten dream
Like the ripples from a pebble
Someone tosses in a stream.
Like a clock whose hands are sweeping
Past the minutes on its face
And the world is like an apple
Spinning silently in space
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind!

Keys that jingle in your pocket
Words that jangle in your head
Why did summer go so quickly?
Was it something that I said?
Lovers walk along a shore
And leave their footprints in the sand
Was the sound of distant drumming
Just the fingers of your hand?
Pictures hanging in a hallway
or the fragment of a song,
half-remembered names and faces
but to whom do they belong?
When you knew that it was over
Were you suddenly aware
That the autumn leaves were turning
To the color of her hair?

Like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel
Never ending or beginning
On an ever-spinning reel
As the images unwind
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Its great to sample new songs and sounds as I had stuck to the old favorites for the past year.
Opening my mind to newer horizons via my auditory sense, which also reassures me that I am not deaf as I suspected, you know, with prolong use of head phones and all...

On an unrelated note, I have been promised some footage in another blog, Mythoughtwaves, that is penned (or keyed, if you will) by the very comprehensive blogger - VJ. Lets see if he keeps his word and soon my fame can re-spread :)

Active Listener,
Rain

My Rocking Life

If there is one aspect of my living in the land of milk and honey that is hands-down without a bad side, not even a gray lining and is 100% Agmark certified all Good, then its this – I can go to rock concerts here.

I got into rock at around age 13 and have stayed firm to that despite being comfortable with my other aspect of enjoying carnatic vocal and instrumental with all my iyer proclivity for it. Soon as my sister grew up, I had a partner in crime and she took to the genre of music like fish to water. Then we had a in-sync period where we would shut ourself in the room, block out all sources of light – natural or otherwise and headbang without inhibition to the raw and elevating sounds of Metallica and U2. Our parents knew about it, yet they were too scared to see us showing symptoms of possession, so generally let us do out thing uninterrupted.

Then the disciple took over from the Guru and went leaps ahead; she turned traitor to the cause of legitimate rock and became a boy-band fanatic like all the air-headed pre-teens. She decided that she didn’t think techno was too synthetic, embraced mainstream western music in all its commercial crassness and we started to go our separate ways since.

Here, I met Gowtham in September of 2006 and learned that he is one of ‘us’ [Us being the lost tribe of Rock worshippers who all died out when natural selection favored pop worshippers]. He told me that I had missed going to the Aerosmith open-air concert, right here at the steel city [AEROSMITH – I am not worthy!!!…*groveling actions*]. We then proceed to, as a group (having been joined by the ultra cool Avanthika) haunt the nearby concerts, thus providing me to strike off the following Gods of Rock from my list of “Perfomances to see before the artists die…” [I mean, C’mon they live lives of – Heavy Fuel a.k.a Sex, Drugs and Violence]

Guns and Roses

The debate of Slash vs. Axl Rose aside, this was a totally awesome experience and I was so thrilled to be right there when the strains of ‘November Rain’ filled the stadium. Me and fellow rock head Gow went all out and fell for ‘There was a time’ from the forthcoming Chinese Democracy and I will be happy to endorse that there is a whole lot of ROCK in GnR left to unleash into the mundane universe!

Nickelback

What is not to love about Nickelback? They are a quintessential basic rock band – heady guitar and drums sounds, Meaningful lyrics and a very good frontman. We had a totally wonderful time at the concert, despite us reaching there a full 3 hours after the concert began [thanks to Friday evening office traffic at downtown Forbes Avenue], our loss was missing Three Days Grace play. I wore my ‘Motley Crew’ rock Tee and got appreciation from the passersby and then I knew (probably for the first time) what complete acceptance by a crowd feels like!

That was the day I taught Aafiya to make the universal symbol of rock, which she is yet to master, and say “Rooooocckkkk!” with attitude, which she has down to pat :D

G3 – Joe Satriani

This one was not my idea. Admittedly I listened to ‘Rubina’s Blue Sky’ on some lazy Saturday afternoon in fm and introduced Joe Sat to my sister. I don’t accept any responsibility to the consequences which finally have now led to her becoming the High Priestess of G3 worship. Any how, Gow and Sow by their independent efforts sold me into going for this concert. My hesitation was incremented by the fact that the concert happened 2 weeks after my having imitated Jill [who came tumbling after] in my staircase. Nevertheless, I went, it was a different parallel universe where were almost no vocals and Guitar was all and I was glad for the learning.

Now I am all hungry to catch the following (In no particular order or associated priority) –

• Aerosmith
• Sting
• Bryan Adams
• U2
• Metallica

[At the mention of each of these illustrious names, the author goes back into grovelling slave mode]

These are just in my “MANDATORY” tag. I would love to catch other performances of significant bands and Individuals who I admire, during my stay here, given of course the requirements of - company to go with, travel to and from venue, reasonable ticket prices are met.

Let me wind down the post, by dedicating it to Gowtham who married a wonderful girl called Kavi on 6^th in Chennai.
Congratulations Buddy!
God Bless and hope you guys, ROCK!

Rain

Yet another Pool post

Water is a very expressive element and it has given its siren call to bring me back into its fold. When someone decides to go the Metallica way and decides that not caring for what people will say works best for them, it brings a certain kind of freedom that not many legit people get.

I am no Michael Phelps or Ian Thorpe but I like swimming and I no longer care that people I know will get to see me in a suit (which is a misnomer, since it doesn’t really ‘suit’ me in the conventional sense of the term) so I took the pool pass and decided to spend my summer usefully.

The first time back in the pool was like reincarnation- very dicey at first but it all comes back with a wonderful sense of blurring the gap, the time when you had stayed landlocked. This time was especially good because I was the only swimmer and made me feel like those filthy rich retired CEOs who have houses overlooking Central Park where Spanish nannies take their twins every evening. Oh yeah, two lifeguards who’s only mission was watching me (in case I decide to drown in 5 feet of water). A nice couple of kids, I felt, probably students from CMU, UPitt or Duquesne because they alternate between playing videogames on their phone and studying fat books.

I started off at 5 feet and the width of the already miniscule pool was a challenge to hold a single breath and cross. But I was relearning fast, before the end of 10 minutes I was able to hold breath and flit across. Then alternating every lap with backstroke and progressively increasing the depth, I finally reached the deepest part – 9 feet.
At that point, I realized that all fear of the water, breathing, depth and drowning had completely left me with even a slight trace of hesitation and sweet elation filled my thoughts.

Life is so simple when you are swimming on your back; all you can see is the endless sky and peacefully transitory clouds and all you think about is your breathing.
Freestyle is slightly less pretty, with a working pair of swimming goggles you can see all the dirt at the bottom of the pool in absolute clarity and if you suspect that you might be mildly obsessive compulsive then its better your eyes are closed.

So I waded, swam, floated, dived and played around for as long as I wanted and then I got out, the ugliness of life wafted in – I was sticky, feeling hot and breaking into angry red rashes. The allergy made sense when I recollected the state of cleanliness the bottom of the pool was in. But all the blotches aside, the best thing I ever did for myself lately has been to buy the pool pass.

The next pool post will be about mortgages and mutual funds, just for a change because I decided that any chance I get to flaunt my scholarly knowledge in Capital Markets, I must use.

Moral of the story: Water good, Land bad. No, no, just kidding…or am I?

Water sign,
Rain

Back from black

Blogging is a love, a saviour when I felt my mind slipping away into a semi-coma from the frustrations of life. I gave up on it because of intense irritation from some other disgusting, gross, needlessly painful phase. I wanted to clear my head and purge some rank, septic elements from there before I approach something I used to do well and used to love doing.

Something worth doing should be worth doing well and writing requires a good focussed head. I I am proud to say I am past my demons, I have come to terms with the bad decisions I made on who to trust to what extent and I think I have broken clean from the quicksand. I have returned to reading, news, movies, public speaking and prayer...things that enrich me and make me happy.

Writing would definitely follow those because this is the activity that requires most work, research, interest, commitment. In short, you have to be in the zone, in sync with your universe, chi should flow uninterrupted otherwise it would never work. You could stare at your empty 'Create' page in Blogger all week and NOTHING; Well meaning, interested, bossy or sycophantic people could dedicate their lives to inspiring you to hit the keys again for a range of reasons and go unnoticed, a parade of muses could catwalk across your couch where you are sprawled and you wouldnt waggle your toe, vastly illuminating experiences can occur and scintillating insights could have been gained and you would be frozen in front of your keyboard.

Inertia can corrode a writer's soul but writing when your heart's not in it will take you a peg down when you gaze at the mirror tomorrow. Rather write good when you can than write however but regularly. [echo of- rather reign in hell than serve in heaven, apparently I identify with Lucifer]

Long story short, this is not excuse, its just a sounding board of affirmation, a continuity of writing from the fragments of the motivated posts of long ago. Internalizing was good, it was a cleansing experience to be out of my everyday environments and all that it entails.
Expenses aside, Jersey and Niagara were good to me and my psyche.

It is nice to be me again. Rather be alone than in bad company.
Writing is my way of speaking to the world without actually going through the unnecessary building of casual, semi-formal and random interpersonal relationships that do more harm than good. As escapist as that might seem, its more practical for my aims and talents.

May the force be with me,
Rain

The Late Goodbye

I am disgusted with many things (friendship and career) and wont pollute the universe with my writings tinged with that kind of negativity. There is plenty of that everywhere already and there isn't any need for my contributions.

I hereby state that I will next write only when I have something good to write about.

Bye.
Rain

The Fall

To have a fracture, I thought you needed at least some bones. Bones to me, are the ones that are seen in a skeleton (good Ol' Mr.Bones from the Bio Lab) and are used in the human body.
I have gone and managed to hurt the coccyx. Needless to say, its painful and I cant take help from someone else.

Okay, I have a tailbone and I am proud!

It happened this way...so its wednesday evening and Abitha is on her way to Chilis since its the farewell party for Ratheesh and Jay. She met me outside the house and we realised that the camera batteries were still in the house. I was quickly getting down the steps in my platforms when I must've missed one in between and the footwear went flying out and I started to tumble down the stairs. Abitha watched in open mouthed horror as I rolled down some steps, straighted out to sitting position and then came to a bouncing end in the last 2 steps of the staircase.

Looking back, I wager that it was the last two steps that halted the accelerated falling that damaged the tailbone. I quickly got up and went into the house to get the batteries for Abitha after assuring her that I was all right.
I only felt shock and embarassement rather than physical pain then.
Only after they all left and I was peeling potato skins in Zaki's house did the crippling pains begin. Gow also managed to catch a trailer and he felt I should go to a Doctor. Dileep said that the doctor would just apply the pain relief spray and charge me a lot. I decided to wait and watch.

Followed Dileep's medication tips and felt some instant relief, so much so, that I made the fry and went over to his house. On the way, I was paralysed in utter hurt...felt jolts of pain, every which way I moved and just could stay still either. Managed to get into the house with the help of Dileep and came home supported by Abitha and Gow.

cOuldnt sleep the whole night through and next day was too painful to go to office, so worked from home. Thankfully I could get some work done from the stuff I had saved up and the mails.
Felt better in the evening and although the night was a bit problematic again, I was healthy enough to go to office today and do more than a usual day's work.

Everyone screamed at me for coming, but I felt happier that I could bounce back (figuratively speaking, of course) and stand on my own two feet again!

We take small things like running, bending, stretching and jumping for granted. We dont understand the slowness of the aged. We cant be patient around the differently abled.

Some lessons are painfully learnt but remain for life- this is one of those lessons.
Thanks be to God, its over. I am whole again. :)

Why does it hurt when I dont have a tail,
Rain

PS: Mera number (for vacation) kab ayega?

Trials faced by a Non-Conformist...

Right or wrong is relative, as long as the scope is limited to the individual.
If it doesn't affect anyone else, do whatever you please - that is what freedom
is all about.

Does anyone disagree with the statements above? How wonderful they sound;
and how naive too.Truth is that, we hate anyone who wont fit in to our
little categories and parameters.Rebel, Freak, Crazy...all the terms we use
to address those who have violated the unwritten yet strictly followed codes
of being Normal.

Another truth, everyone is abnormal. We all have some differences from the ideal
normal human.You might leave dishes in the sink for a day, Listen only to Yanni
and nothing else, have a penchant for wearing orange,call your mother 15 times in a day.
...A million differences from 'Normal' behavior.

Its ok to be different. What matters is how we deal with those who
are different from us.

The junta I am forced to share local oxygen with are retired supreme
court judges and self-appointed moral police.They believe that they
are better than me because I am not like them. I pity them.

The worst thing is when 'popular opinion starts floating around...',
which basically translates to a bunch of low-lives standing around
talking about someone who doesn't care about them and passing judgments
on that person. The reason those individuals do this is varied - starting
from superiority complex (+ condescending attitude) to Jealousy
(+inferiority complex), and uncovering a fascinatingly depraved
affinity to poke an olfactory organ into other people's businesses.

So when 'word is out, about you...' then those who weren't part of the first
group, accept it by default. There is simply no thought given to who's opinion
was it, what the relevance is, why at all a bunch of people were standing around
making comments...all such questions dont appear in the mind of the opinion acceptor
since it takes time and CPU utilization to process.

So what do people who are different do?
They conform. So its not normal to shirk away from shopping if you are a girl and
you'd rather play fear on the computer - grit your teeth and go shopping, buy the
pinkest, fluffiest piece of clothing, giggle while you are at it, Show how normal
you are.
Lose your individuality. Get swallowed by the homogenous images created for you.
Why?
To be accepted.
By who? the Nobel prize judgment committee? A person who realized God?
Maybe God him/herself? Nope.
Just a bunch of unemployed gossip mongers, who are the vocal chord of Society.
Why pay heed to such scum? Majority versus Minority. You cant be alone. It
just cant be done.

If I find the guy who invented the saying, "When in Rome...", I can only say that
he better have Life Insurance against death as result of Assault and Battery.
Whether in Rome or Antarctica, You have to be Yourself.

Today its frowned upon to spend extended hours with members of the opposite sex
and they don't like you for that. Tomorrow it might be because you nose is too long...
and before you know it, they try to spot all uniqueness and send them over to the
gas chambers.

Its 2007 but actually, 1984. And the Big Brother looms larger every minute.

Distopianly yours,
Rain

In pursuit of perception...

My creativity raises its lovely head just when my work pile has gone past the roof of my 56-floor office building. Nice. And a warm welcome to it too…

Everyone wonders if I ever made it to California last December. Whether I went past the Phoenix airport, or am I living there, eking out prosperity ‘The Terminal’ style…Just to put all your imaginations at ease.

I went to Sacremento from there. Met up with Bhoomz, Nitin and Kiriti. Headed out that very night to Reno along with Chintamani and Hema. Ran around Lake Tahoe and glided on the snow slopes there, drove along the breathtaking west coast to Monterey Bay and trekked in Big Sur.

Then spent a really wasteful couple of days in outer SFO with a relative, before being rescued by Kiriti in his dashing silver Mustang convertible an onwards to Folsom (where the junta and the action lay)

Booms took me to sight see in SFO after and then the gang (now including the charismatic Tarun and the genius that is Gajanan) set out to do stuff in Vegas that would ‘stay in Vegas’.

Then just a psychedelic flash of the high life began for poor naïve me. Didn’t see uncle Sun until vacation got over…our day began at 6 in the evening when we got out of bed and headed to the Casinos- those extravagant illusions of paradise, the roulette tables, the money, the gorgeous people all around.

The flattering fact that my age was verified soon turned into annoyance when it happened every single time [I mean, really, cant you SEE that I am above 18?]

Oh and if you thought that all that travel and all those first time experiences made this hugely exciting for me. You are really wrong!
Did I mention the people?
Did I let you know that we clicked from the word ‘Go’?

Oh Yes. We did. :)
So much so, that I didn’t want to come back to this life!
I still hope to head back there soon enough to join this nefarious and very scintillatingly brilliant band, sometime, somehow…

With just 3 girls, of whom 1 wasn’t counted (that is me J ),there was one proposal and acceptance; that too just minutes before the girl was leaving, in a wonderfully filmi way ( Hemz and King Kumar) and one romance in the making (Mani and Bhooms) – we were a movie all on our own!
Tragedy, Comedy, Romance, Action, Suspense …we had it all.

IF you are wondering abt the tragedy and suspense…well that was supplied by Southwest Airlines, who chose to let the checkin line extend from the gates well on to the highway thus ensuring my morning non-stop back is missed. Since this has happened to me the first time in my rather orderly (Stop snickering, you !) life, I was quite close to tears which greatly amused Bhoomz and Kiriti (who are veterans in taking alternate flights).

So with my 4 hour nonstop having been replaced by a 15 hour travel with 3 insipid hours in Chicago, I spent all of the New Year in very little comfort or/and Happiness.

I sincerely hoped that it would not reflect on the whole year that I missed something that was mine. But that happened inevitably…just 2 days later the promotion announcements came. I have been psychotic since.

My tremendous anger lashed out at nothing and everything, all at once. I reached some woe-begotten corner of my mind where only a handful of saints (Muthu, Booms and Gang, Gururajan…) were able to find me human anymore.

Now do you understand why I haven’t written a goddamn post since?
So this begs the question, why the post now?

The answer is simple. My perspective has changed a teeny-tiny bit.
I got in touch with or got to know in detail about the most horrendous trials and tribulations that these courageous women like Bhoomz, Vinoo, Jsree .etc. have undergone. I realize that they did not even blink at adversity.

They are still dealing with hardships in their personal/professional lives and still take time off to care about me obsessing over my non-issues. This made me feel small and mean.

As god be my witness, I declare, I have no issues at all. Yes, my circumstances are far from ideal. But I have all options open to make things better. I am strong, healthy, young and I mean a lot to my family and friends. I have only good things coming my way.
2007 and any year from here on is MINE.

There have been so many new things this year that promise good times ahead – A lovely Rogue Starter guitar (Thanks Kiriti), A new colleague who is loads of fun (and a self confessed Ladies Man – The one and only Dileep), my flute which made its US trip from the confines of my Pooja room in Chennai (thanks Kiriti for the inspiration), a somewhat clear roadmap to action events of 2007 (thanks to my family and the Colts Queen Brinda), A new club to organize and Head (CognOrators RULE!)

On to becoming a master flutist, guitar goddess (shall catch up with you someday you satanic sibling of mine), successful MBA grad and also a good daughter, sister and friend.
Rain

California Girl

Its a dream perpetuated by the long running series called Baywatch. To actually be in the golden sands of the glamorous beaches of California.

The land of the red swimsuits, India-weather, Silicon valley and Hollywood...

I am half my way there already....having gone past the very choppy and bumpy air pockets atop Denver where so many thousands of people are stranded at the airports due to terrible weather. Had an awe-inspiring flight atop the Rockies because the weather above the clouds was too scary. My neck hurts from craning to the right all the time (it was a gruelling 5 hour flight).
They didnt serve lunch (only snacks) and I had stowed my bag with the books and my lunch too deep to continually inconvenience the nice couple I sat with (who gave me the aisle seat). There was no on-flight entertainment (other than the rough flying, of course)

Am right now at Phoenix, Arizona. This state has overtaken Nevada as the fastest growing in the United States, I can see why, this place crawls with our junta :)
Its gorgeous as seen from the bird's eye view, great possibilities to take up mountaineering and hiking.

there is an announcement to give up a ticket to sacramento (to Bhooma) for $200 in travel voucher and tickets to a later flight. I would have gone in ordinarily but i am already travel weary.

The point of bringing the laptop was to give continual updates to my sibling (who is forever bemoaning my lack of correspondance) and my friends at Pittsburgh. So guys...So far, So good (So what?)

Warm weather, here I come :)

Rain

Ice Ice Baby

Saturday morning dawned (@ noon for me!) like any other and I planned, in all my domestic glory, to vaccum-clean the house. Enter Gowtham, who so far has been a non-descript friend of Jsree’s. He suggested we join him as he was going skating that afternoon, Jsree declined and I agreed.

Over the next two hours, the same thing happened in an infinite loop – I would try to slide, appear like I got the hang of it, lose my balance when I least expected it and fall spectacularly!

The variation in the theme was the way I fell, which was aimed at hurting every inch of the body uniformly (and one section of the posterior in regularity) and also exploring all the possible ways to fall and land.

There were two notable points of my humpty-dumpty mode. Once I fell on my back with such resounding force that I knocked the back of my head, which I was trying hard not to damage in vain hopes of preventing further mental deterioration. The sheer pain pierced through the shield of my insensitive thick skin and I reacted like any other person from a cultured, sophisticated upbringing – a sustained and very loud expletive referring to the process that leads to conception. That in itself is no big deal, except that incredulous gasp of the blonde, blue-eyed 5 year old in pigtails and a pink tutu of a professional figure skater, who wagged her chubby finger at me while telling her mother (a senior version of the same physical traits, minus the pink tutu), “She used the EFF word!”

It was as if I had wantonly brought on world war III, the little one truly believed that her progenitor was going to roast me alive. Ha Ha! The benefit of adulthood includes swearing at will without worrying about repercussions!

The lady quickly shepherded the child away from me but not before giving me a scathing glance that screamed the question – You came from some distant place only to teach my child this word?

Needless to say I enjoyed this incident a lot and it made me feel a great deal better considering my injuries and aches. [Evil Rain rises and subsides]

Nothing is scarier than you sliding off with no control over your speed and direction and finding another person, as much a free agent of fate/destiny as you, coming in for an imminent collision, which is rarely (don’t go by the movies) pleasant to either party.

But the feather on that violently horrible cap would be the dash happening between you (in this case me – a heavy adult. Understated) and a small, saucer eyed child of 3.

For a moment there, I thought I was going to be an unwitting child murderer but someone up there loved the little boy who fell in my path because I slowed down and halted just millimeters away from him, swayed and leaned forward over his fallen form in my efforts to brake without doing either of the following actions which I thought were impossible to avoid:

1. Knocking him down
2. Falling on him in all my heavy weight glory.

Before I could gasp out a “Are you Okay?”, he scampered up and slid away as fast as he could. I hope that the trauma of falling and having my bloodcurdling visage loom in front of him in his state of daze, doesn’t affect the poor thing, although logic rules against that. All I can do is pray that the child is plucky and possibly a fan of horror.

Its not often that one gets a chance to star in the nightmares of toddlers. A truly red letter day, wouldn’t you say?

On the whole Gautam said I did really good for a novice. For now I am willing to suspend my cynical disbelief and think a contender for the 2012 Olympics for figure skating from India is developing.

Ice Queen,

Rain

You know that you are jaded when…

Don’t worry; it’s not a list. Just a realization that even a high-spirited, enthusiastic and lively person can turn into a numb, jaded, unfeeling clod of mud for no reason at all, except maybe as an automatic result of the passage of time.

There was a time when my getting up with a slight crick in the neck would have been a 5 page [in very tiny font] post, but now, as my sibling heart-brokenly stated in the impersonal confines of a IM window a couple of days back – she has to request me to blog so that she’d know what is happening in my life.

Not that life in itself is not providing enough material to write on or that I have suddenly lost my ability to communicate in English…I simply haven’t even looked at my own blog and I have no excuses.

This is my effort to make up for my numbness.

I went ice-skating and attended my first ever rock concert!

Normally one of these would be enough to send me into raptures…but let me start chronologically.

Consider this post as a foreword for the next two posts.

Dandiya Night disappointment

navaratri has come, Golu has been arranged in my house in India, sundal is being made and served, women folk extend mutual invitations to each other's houses and the unwilling are made to sing in each house.
back here, in my current place of existence, these nine days and nights are like any other. No doll display, no proteinatious food, no invitations, no singing [thankfully].
So I was determined to have atleast a slice of the Navaratri experience even if I am seven waterbodies away from my land. So I shelled out an unearthly sum (in USD) and got dressed and ready for Dandiya...

After a reasonable delay of about an hour and a half we started off, went in and picked up a couple of people at my place of work and one bunch of the gang went the wrong way and got lost, while the bunch I went with came to this place in the middle of miles of deserted and dark lonely roads; Like it was out of some typical c grade teenage slasher movie.

We went in to see that everyone else in the hall knew each other and were from the same club and we were the only bunch of strangers. It was as comfortable as unintendingly crashing someone's personal and small wedding. But I wasnt about to let my hard earned dollars go to waste, so I ate the food they served even if the theme was "ambiguous things floating in huge volume of oil". Then I was the last person to finish dinner and was one step away from being shooed out as the table had to be cleared to make the dance floor.

Then we danced for an hour. Exactly one hour only. Then we were asked to go away.
This was the great experience :((

Now I am still all dressed and ready to dance but have to settle for venting my enthusiasm and the adrenaline at 12.30 into my lappie's keypad.

disappointed dandiya dancer,
Rain

Let Go

This is the advice that this person who calls himself Anjana (You see I am no longer going to believe that anyone is who they claim to be eversince I had an interesting experience with a girl, who used to comment in my blog, who turned out to be a guy) gave me on my last post.

And I was tired enough to try it and it sort of works.

Its very zen to be mindless of the connections we make with other people. Its like a vacation. I saw this movie called Garden State which I really liked. I recommend it to everyone.
The song from its Soundtrack has been on my playlist for a week now and it speaks to me and my current state of mind.

Presenting, the lyrics of Let Go, which also I recommend as a really fabulous and addictive song:
Drink up baby down
Are you in or are you out?
Leave your things behind
'Cause it's all going off without you
Excuse me too busy you're writing a tragedy
These mess-ups
You bubble-wrap
When you've no idea what you're like

So, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

It gains the more it gives
And then advances with the form
So, honey, back for more
Can't you see that all the stuff's essential?
Such boundless pleasure
We've no time for later
Now you can wait
You roll your eyes
We've twenty seconds to comply

So, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's al right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

mindless,
Rain

Serious Comedy

If my playlist is anything to go by, pop psychologists (and those with actual earned degrees) would swear I am a maniac depressive who has had a tragically violent love life (funny, that even those who read my blog posts are somehow getting that sense about me...)
But quite frankly, I am neither depressed or jilted. Sadness is more meaningful to me than the temporary and baseless elation (a high, if you will) that accompanies love (or consumption of large quantities of choclate or/and icecream). With that out of the way, I love comedy.

Being funny is a huge challenge that takes a big mix of intelligence, instinct, mind reading and a whole lot of black matter (which is a placeholder for something no one can name).
Orkut makes you categorise your sense of humor, although I am against categorization of anything, this one I think brings order enough to help one analyse it. And as I have once discussed with my mail-buddy, sarcasm and parody is rated at the bottom of all types of humor. Its supposed to be too mean and nasty a thing to be given any official encouragement - so quite obviously, I am for it.

Saturday Night Live is the institution that serves as the temple of this form of humor. Improv is a test of wits and skill and this show has the right mix to make it a reality show that is the grandmother of survivor and amazing race. Those who have made their presence felt in SNL have gone on to be the biggest in Hollywood and rightfully so. I just finished watching an Anthology of the first 5 years of this NBC fixture and I recommend it to anyone who likes smart humor.

Teal, my evil twin (if minus of minus is a plus, doesnt that make you the good twin?), you have to watch this. We have known, loved and hated ourselves for loving the Night at the Roxbury so I know you will definitely be up for this DVD. Too bad, you live in the other side of the planet...

Its 3.38 AM of friday morning of the 1st of september and I love my life.
Having said that, let me substantiate the above statement's validity by declaring that I have not partaken drugs and alcohol or whiffed glue. Also, I am of sound mind (and this is not my last will and testimony) ; or was sane the last time I checked anyway. Laughing makes you feel good; appreciation of another's intelligence is also a factor. SNL gives you that. Watch it!

I have stopped caring about being deliberately funny in the blog. [A shockingly unexpected observation ? then you havent been paying any attention to the posts now, have you?]
I simply consider myself too stupid to manage it. There was once a time when I was SNL cast member material - I was writing skits, doing improv and performing. Maybe that phase will reoccur...until then, you will only get what you see.

dim-wittedly yours,
Rain
PS: I havent packed for my travel tomorrow, I cant find vitally important documents, there is a good chance that my house could plunge into darkness next week and I have office tomorrow. I am typing stuff at 4.a.m, regardless. isnt that funny?

Trouble of being three...

You'd think that a person with a shred of intelligence will avoid a situation where there will be interpersonal relationships of the same nature between 3 people. After all, two is company...but three, as the cliché goes, is definitely a crowd.

But I am so far beyond stupid that I fall into the same trap time and again. History apparently has taught me nothing. I no longer feel I can even learn what a mouse in a science experiment would learn to associate with danger, some bad effect of an activity/situation.

Inherent and insolvable problem in being three is the number of relationships that exist are 6. Lets name the 3 people as A,B and C.
A-> B
B->C
C->A
B->A
C->B
A->C

The more the number of relationships, the more the misunderstandings, the jealousies, the rivalries for the affections, the unfair comparisons...you get the drift. Also any person with the working brain cell can identify that there is not one single positive outcome documented in the previous sentence.

Also from my listing of the relationships between A, B and C, it should be obvious that A->B is not equal to B->A. That in itself is not a problem [maybe it is, but not at all significant in direct comparison with the kind of trouble the author is talking about] if the equation only consists of 2 variables.

But consider this,

A->B = K [some value]
and B->A = L [another value]
but B->C = M [you know what is coming...]
of which K>L and M>L.

So the result = A is a pathetic, miserable, codependent loser who is not going to be given any importance from B, who prefers C instead.

Now you are beginning to understand the scope for the trouble. But it gets worse...

consider if all the 3 components of the equation feel that they are in the position of A in the previous illustration...

That they like a person more than the other but that person they like prefers the third more.

Whether it is a fact or not is entirely unimportant. Just that thought can lead to a lot of emotional turmoil.

God! to be emotionless... Would make the world such an efficient place.

People wouldn't be typing laments in form of blog posts, to be unleashed to the unsuspecting couple of people loyal enough to still come here and read it, at midnight when the next day is back-to-office-for- a-new-work-week day. [At this point the author takes a break to remember Rani ma'am who would say - “Short sentences make better impact, Remya! Why are you meandering...what is it, that you want to convey?”]

No one came keeping the another person's support as the basis. Which means that one can live without another person. Only funda is learning how to -

1. Not NAG [Cos that is right only a wife has and the person doing the nagging is not one...]

2. Not have expectations [Cos that leads to disappointment which sets off all the nagging...]
   

3. Stay less entangled with the other 2 people [that way no expectations, no disappointments, no nagging]

As the wise sage Alanis sang-You live, You learn,
Rain