I have started to patronise this series in POGO called 'Noah and Saskia' ['You got mail' for aussie/brit preteens and teens] about two 14yr olds who have a internet based 'friendship' across the oceans and hemispheres which as any intelligent viewer would know will get complicated into 'something more deeper' by the season finale. Although the latter deeping part is the stuff that sells cheap, trashy books and movies, I am here to talk about the first part- making friends with some person online.
FACTS:
1]You've never seen the person
Ok so some ppl may argue with two basic points; You can always share photos if it comes to that and Looks are not important in a friendship. Fair Enough. Anything in this world can be twisted out of its inherent goodness. I could send a photo of Bips and say its me to some guy from Poland. As for looks not being important, the first judgement you make of a person, initial impression has to do with the physical aspect only [unless you had your third eye activated after intensive tantric and yogic pratices in the outer reaches of the Himalayas]. So in this scenario, You are taking a shot in the dark while committing to something as sacred as friendship and the implicit trust and dependance that comes with it.
2]You scratch the surface of the lies to find more lies, exaggerations, stretches and some truth
Why do we not present a proper picture of ourselves when we are sure the person can't know the reality? two-fold mainly- one is that if we reveal to them the truth about themselves, we make ourselves vulnerable and instinct screams against it; and the next is the more common factor- we are not happy with what we are and will employ some stretches of half-truths or plainly resort to lies and project ourselves as those we might consider ideal or perfect.
There is always that 3rd possibility, I will explain briefly as the next heading
3]The ol friend(s) could be creeps, pervs and in general anti-social elements
Not something I need to dwell upon, all will know of the horror stories associated with this. All they do is lie. Their intention is to harm. They will be the most perfect ol friends and earn your trust before they utterly ruin a life cheerfully.
4] You are too shy/ have problems making regular friends
So ol friends become the escape route? Nothing can replace a flesh-and-blood tangible friend in real-life. More well-adjusted people swear on this. This factor might lead to a normal, if a little shy, person turning into the creatures discussed in #3.
PROS
Opens up your mind
With the global boundaries disappearing in the cyber world one realises that there are just some people distributed geographically or more accessible ol who share common interests.
Similarity
Its funny how people not connected can have eerily similar tastes and ideas. Or even better when people connect and complement each other's theories and concepts.
They might introduce one to newer topics, rehash old ideas and in general be good friends in that regard. I don't know 90% of the people in my blogroll, but I visit their blogs daily and feel admiration or kinship for their ideas and work. Same goes for people who meet in regulated specialised Forums (I didnt say chat rooms). There is an occasional creep to handle but mostly its ok.
They are available
Starting from tips to cracking CAT to the review of the latest movie, ol friends are just a IM or post away. Your offline friends might not be this easily available for you.
Conclusion is
Dont lie. If you dont want to reveal, say 'I'm not comfortable giving this info out. Sorry'
Stay sharp and aware
Set limits and boundaries and stick to them
Maintain healthy intentions and ensure the same from the other
Continue to nurture and expand your offline friends circle. Nothing can replace them.
Look for intellectual company and not love [that would put you in desparate category unless You are Tom Hanks or Meg Ryan.]
Move away when it gets weird. RUN.
Now you can enjoy the virtual company of some of the great minds, who think the same as you!!
Ciao Friends,
Rain
11 comments:
Then, You are one of those 'nothing to hide' open book sort of guys.
That could be a good thing, or an extremely bad thing depending on the content of the material you share. :p
So you think Brad Pitt's good looking? Hmmm...I have always wondered what kind of guys do guys consider good looking.
As I feel, nowadays, its really important in today's context how you deal with your online relationships. But unlike you, I'd always prefer to set aside all the premonitions and admonishments and simply go all out to explore it.
You can say that its because I am a guy and I'd have to agree with you on this. But still, probably, you should not make it so methodical as you sound through your post.
Akshaya
Akshya,
Please ok. I didnt mean to sound cold, but I was giving this 'be careful' lecture to some young girls and thought of putting it up. You see there are some really bad people out there but that doesnt count you or any of those who come here and inspire me.
Okay mam. Btw, you might like to read my latest post on Garcia :)
Akshaya
sistah!
howdy! i know atleast one couple that got married after they met on the internet! what dya say to that?
morpheus!
hey, i havent seen you around in a long while...how are you doing?
cheers!
To them I say "Congratulations. And wish you a great life together". But that doesnt mean I would follow suit or advise anyone whom I care about to take that all important step (saying "marry me") without getting to know the person personally.
hmmm... i dint, myself. and i won't others either.
anyway, though the love happened on the internet, these ppl met later and hey, surprise, stayed in love!
cheers!
Ramyaji:
Came to you through Piyali's blog .
The way you put is note worthy.
Why did not you wrote this topic and mailed to your known persons only? Why did you think that this lecture straight from heart (may be after some real life situation handling) will be beneficial to others. If I am correct, “Most of the people” online wishes for the goodness of others. The erasable Wikipedia is worth reference and the open source is now trusted.
Didn't you wait before adding 90% of your blogroll? Consequently you made a virtual firewall around for them again. But its quiet interesting that you peek across the firewall daily and share your thoughts (feelings). Any person needs sharing of feeling with the trust worthy persons. You might have come across hundreds of other blogs too but you added them only. There is again some sort of real trust, not virtual one.
The degree of faith is varying for each other. I know a blogger who shall add the person known in the real life only. I have the courage to add 100% unknown bloggers. To me my blog roll is as if I know them from years back.
One’s language, articulation, selection of words, graphics and blog template all together tell about the person who manages the blog. Please take in positive way, your thoughts and concern is perfect but your black template with hazy dotted background and small alphabets tells about your secretive nature in the open cyber space. The double comment facility shows the need of more interaction with others.
The baseline is the trust and openness which you are trying to tell others and yourself too in the ‘virtual world’.
Buddy, chill out...You are entitled to your own opinion. What I seriously oppose to, in your lengthy comment, is just this...You dont need to use me as an example or analyse my online behavior. It amounts to a personal attack.
That is uncalled for.
Ramyaji,
I, Prem (not buddy or anonymous)could not felt the need of coming here back to see what was the reaction of Ramya.
Lengthy or short comments are equally important/frivolous like posts on the domain read by others. To your advantage, in your empire you are free to clean them up.
Like index finger indicating to you, may not the remaining three fingers indicating to us? You need not worry that it's a personal attack.
Anyway the personal preference must be respected.
Prem Piyushji,
Whatever...
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