I am disgusted with many things (friendship and career) and wont pollute the universe with my writings tinged with that kind of negativity. There is plenty of that everywhere already and there isn't any need for my contributions.
I hereby state that I will next write only when I have something good to write about.
Bye.
Rain
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Friday, March 30, 2007
The Fall
To have a fracture, I thought you needed at least some bones. Bones to me, are the ones that are seen in a skeleton (good Ol' Mr.Bones from the Bio Lab) and are used in the human body.
I have gone and managed to hurt the coccyx. Needless to say, its painful and I cant take help from someone else.
Okay, I have a tailbone and I am proud!
It happened this way...so its wednesday evening and Abitha is on her way to Chilis since its the farewell party for Ratheesh and Jay. She met me outside the house and we realised that the camera batteries were still in the house. I was quickly getting down the steps in my platforms when I must've missed one in between and the footwear went flying out and I started to tumble down the stairs. Abitha watched in open mouthed horror as I rolled down some steps, straighted out to sitting position and then came to a bouncing end in the last 2 steps of the staircase.
Looking back, I wager that it was the last two steps that halted the accelerated falling that damaged the tailbone. I quickly got up and went into the house to get the batteries for Abitha after assuring her that I was all right.
I only felt shock and embarassement rather than physical pain then.
Only after they all left and I was peeling potato skins in Zaki's house did the crippling pains begin. Gow also managed to catch a trailer and he felt I should go to a Doctor. Dileep said that the doctor would just apply the pain relief spray and charge me a lot. I decided to wait and watch.
Followed Dileep's medication tips and felt some instant relief, so much so, that I made the fry and went over to his house. On the way, I was paralysed in utter hurt...felt jolts of pain, every which way I moved and just could stay still either. Managed to get into the house with the help of Dileep and came home supported by Abitha and Gow.
cOuldnt sleep the whole night through and next day was too painful to go to office, so worked from home. Thankfully I could get some work done from the stuff I had saved up and the mails.
Felt better in the evening and although the night was a bit problematic again, I was healthy enough to go to office today and do more than a usual day's work.
Everyone screamed at me for coming, but I felt happier that I could bounce back (figuratively speaking, of course) and stand on my own two feet again!
We take small things like running, bending, stretching and jumping for granted. We dont understand the slowness of the aged. We cant be patient around the differently abled.
Some lessons are painfully learnt but remain for life- this is one of those lessons.
Thanks be to God, its over. I am whole again. :)
Why does it hurt when I dont have a tail,
Rain
PS: Mera number (for vacation) kab ayega?
I have gone and managed to hurt the coccyx. Needless to say, its painful and I cant take help from someone else.
Okay, I have a tailbone and I am proud!
It happened this way...so its wednesday evening and Abitha is on her way to Chilis since its the farewell party for Ratheesh and Jay. She met me outside the house and we realised that the camera batteries were still in the house. I was quickly getting down the steps in my platforms when I must've missed one in between and the footwear went flying out and I started to tumble down the stairs. Abitha watched in open mouthed horror as I rolled down some steps, straighted out to sitting position and then came to a bouncing end in the last 2 steps of the staircase.
Looking back, I wager that it was the last two steps that halted the accelerated falling that damaged the tailbone. I quickly got up and went into the house to get the batteries for Abitha after assuring her that I was all right.
I only felt shock and embarassement rather than physical pain then.
Only after they all left and I was peeling potato skins in Zaki's house did the crippling pains begin. Gow also managed to catch a trailer and he felt I should go to a Doctor. Dileep said that the doctor would just apply the pain relief spray and charge me a lot. I decided to wait and watch.
Followed Dileep's medication tips and felt some instant relief, so much so, that I made the fry and went over to his house. On the way, I was paralysed in utter hurt...felt jolts of pain, every which way I moved and just could stay still either. Managed to get into the house with the help of Dileep and came home supported by Abitha and Gow.
cOuldnt sleep the whole night through and next day was too painful to go to office, so worked from home. Thankfully I could get some work done from the stuff I had saved up and the mails.
Felt better in the evening and although the night was a bit problematic again, I was healthy enough to go to office today and do more than a usual day's work.
Everyone screamed at me for coming, but I felt happier that I could bounce back (figuratively speaking, of course) and stand on my own two feet again!
We take small things like running, bending, stretching and jumping for granted. We dont understand the slowness of the aged. We cant be patient around the differently abled.
Some lessons are painfully learnt but remain for life- this is one of those lessons.
Thanks be to God, its over. I am whole again. :)
Why does it hurt when I dont have a tail,
Rain
PS: Mera number (for vacation) kab ayega?
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Trials faced by a Non-Conformist...
Right or wrong is relative, as long as the scope is limited to the individual.
If it doesn't affect anyone else, do whatever you please - that is what freedom
is all about.
Does anyone disagree with the statements above? How wonderful they sound;
and how naive too.Truth is that, we hate anyone who wont fit in to our
little categories and parameters.Rebel, Freak, Crazy...all the terms we use
to address those who have violated the unwritten yet strictly followed codes
of being Normal.
Another truth, everyone is abnormal. We all have some differences from the ideal
normal human.You might leave dishes in the sink for a day, Listen only to Yanni
and nothing else, have a penchant for wearing orange,call your mother 15 times in a day.
...A million differences from 'Normal' behavior.
Its ok to be different. What matters is how we deal with those who
are different from us.
The junta I am forced to share local oxygen with are retired supreme
court judges and self-appointed moral police.They believe that they
are better than me because I am not like them. I pity them.
The worst thing is when 'popular opinion starts floating around...',
which basically translates to a bunch of low-lives standing around
talking about someone who doesn't care about them and passing judgments
on that person. The reason those individuals do this is varied - starting
from superiority complex (+ condescending attitude) to Jealousy
(+inferiority complex), and uncovering a fascinatingly depraved
affinity to poke an olfactory organ into other people's businesses.
So when 'word is out, about you...' then those who weren't part of the first
group, accept it by default. There is simply no thought given to who's opinion
was it, what the relevance is, why at all a bunch of people were standing around
making comments...all such questions dont appear in the mind of the opinion acceptor
since it takes time and CPU utilization to process.
So what do people who are different do?
They conform. So its not normal to shirk away from shopping if you are a girl and
you'd rather play fear on the computer - grit your teeth and go shopping, buy the
pinkest, fluffiest piece of clothing, giggle while you are at it, Show how normal
you are.
Lose your individuality. Get swallowed by the homogenous images created for you.
Why?
To be accepted.
By who? the Nobel prize judgment committee? A person who realized God?
Maybe God him/herself? Nope.
Just a bunch of unemployed gossip mongers, who are the vocal chord of Society.
Why pay heed to such scum? Majority versus Minority. You cant be alone. It
just cant be done.
If I find the guy who invented the saying, "When in Rome...", I can only say that
he better have Life Insurance against death as result of Assault and Battery.
Whether in Rome or Antarctica, You have to be Yourself.
Today its frowned upon to spend extended hours with members of the opposite sex
and they don't like you for that. Tomorrow it might be because you nose is too long...
and before you know it, they try to spot all uniqueness and send them over to the
gas chambers.
Its 2007 but actually, 1984. And the Big Brother looms larger every minute.
Distopianly yours,
Rain
Friday, February 09, 2007
In pursuit of perception...
My creativity raises its lovely head just when my work pile has gone past the roof of my 56-floor office building. Nice. And a warm welcome to it too…
Everyone wonders if I ever made it to
Then spent a really wasteful couple of days in outer SFO with a relative, before being rescued by Kiriti in his dashing silver Mustang convertible an onwards to Folsom (where the junta and the action lay)
The flattering fact that my age was verified soon turned into annoyance when it happened every single time [I mean, really, cant you SEE that I am above 18?]
Did I mention the people?
Did I let you know that we clicked from the word ‘Go’?
So much so, that I didn’t want to come back to this life!
I still hope to head back there soon enough to join this nefarious and very scintillatingly brilliant band, sometime, somehow…
Tragedy, Comedy, Romance, Action, Suspense …we had it all.
IF you are wondering abt the tragedy and suspense…well that was supplied by Southwest Airlines, who chose to let the checkin line extend from the gates well on to the highway thus ensuring my morning non-stop back is missed. Since this has happened to me the first time in my rather orderly (Stop snickering, you !) life, I was quite close to tears which greatly amused Bhoomz and Kiriti (who are veterans in taking alternate flights).
So this begs the question, why the post now?
I got in touch with or got to know in detail about the most horrendous trials and tribulations that these courageous women like Bhoomz, Vinoo, Jsree .etc. have undergone. I realize that they did not even blink at adversity.
They are still dealing with hardships in their personal/professional lives and still take time off to care about me obsessing over my non-issues. This made me feel small and mean.
2007 and any year from here on is MINE.
There have been so many new things this year that promise good times ahead – A lovely Rogue Starter guitar (Thanks Kiriti), A new colleague who is loads of fun (and a self confessed Ladies Man – The one and only Dileep), my flute which made its US trip from the confines of my Pooja room in Chennai (thanks Kiriti for the inspiration), a somewhat clear roadmap to action events of 2007 (thanks to my family and the Colts Queen Brinda), A new club to organize and Head (CognOrators RULE!)
Rain
Saturday, December 23, 2006
California Girl
Its a dream perpetuated by the long running series called Baywatch. To actually be in the golden sands of the glamorous beaches of California.
The land of the red swimsuits, India-weather, Silicon valley and Hollywood...
I am half my way there already....having gone past the very choppy and bumpy air pockets atop Denver where so many thousands of people are stranded at the airports due to terrible weather. Had an awe-inspiring flight atop the Rockies because the weather above the clouds was too scary. My neck hurts from craning to the right all the time (it was a gruelling 5 hour flight).
They didnt serve lunch (only snacks) and I had stowed my bag with the books and my lunch too deep to continually inconvenience the nice couple I sat with (who gave me the aisle seat). There was no on-flight entertainment (other than the rough flying, of course)
Am right now at Phoenix, Arizona. This state has overtaken Nevada as the fastest growing in the United States, I can see why, this place crawls with our junta :)
Its gorgeous as seen from the bird's eye view, great possibilities to take up mountaineering and hiking.
there is an announcement to give up a ticket to sacramento (to Bhooma) for $200 in travel voucher and tickets to a later flight. I would have gone in ordinarily but i am already travel weary.
The point of bringing the laptop was to give continual updates to my sibling (who is forever bemoaning my lack of correspondance) and my friends at Pittsburgh. So guys...So far, So good (So what?)
Warm weather, here I come :)
Rain
The land of the red swimsuits, India-weather, Silicon valley and Hollywood...
I am half my way there already....having gone past the very choppy and bumpy air pockets atop Denver where so many thousands of people are stranded at the airports due to terrible weather. Had an awe-inspiring flight atop the Rockies because the weather above the clouds was too scary. My neck hurts from craning to the right all the time (it was a gruelling 5 hour flight).
They didnt serve lunch (only snacks) and I had stowed my bag with the books and my lunch too deep to continually inconvenience the nice couple I sat with (who gave me the aisle seat). There was no on-flight entertainment (other than the rough flying, of course)
Am right now at Phoenix, Arizona. This state has overtaken Nevada as the fastest growing in the United States, I can see why, this place crawls with our junta :)
Its gorgeous as seen from the bird's eye view, great possibilities to take up mountaineering and hiking.
there is an announcement to give up a ticket to sacramento (to Bhooma) for $200 in travel voucher and tickets to a later flight. I would have gone in ordinarily but i am already travel weary.
The point of bringing the laptop was to give continual updates to my sibling (who is forever bemoaning my lack of correspondance) and my friends at Pittsburgh. So guys...So far, So good (So what?)
Warm weather, here I come :)
Rain
Monday, November 13, 2006
Ice Ice Baby
Over the next two hours, the same thing happened in an infinite loop – I would try to slide, appear like I got the hang of it, lose my balance when I least expected it and fall spectacularly!
The variation in the theme was the way I fell, which was aimed at hurting every inch of the body uniformly (and one section of the posterior in regularity) and also exploring all the possible ways to fall and land.
There were two notable points of my humpty-dumpty mode. Once I fell on my back with such resounding force that I knocked the back of my head, which I was trying hard not to damage in vain hopes of preventing further mental deterioration. The sheer pain pierced through the shield of my insensitive thick skin and I reacted like any other person from a cultured, sophisticated upbringing – a sustained and very loud expletive referring to the process that leads to conception. That in itself is no big deal, except that incredulous gasp of the blonde, blue-eyed 5 year old in pigtails and a pink tutu of a professional figure skater, who wagged her chubby finger at me while telling her mother (a senior version of the same physical traits, minus the pink tutu), “She used the EFF word!”
It was as if I had wantonly brought on world war III, the little one truly believed that her progenitor was going to roast me alive. Ha Ha! The benefit of adulthood includes swearing at will without worrying about repercussions!
The lady quickly shepherded the child away from me but not before giving me a scathing glance that screamed the question – You came from some distant place only to teach my child this word?
Needless to say I enjoyed this incident a lot and it made me feel a great deal better considering my injuries and aches. [Evil Rain rises and subsides]
Nothing is scarier than you sliding off with no control over your speed and direction and finding another person, as much a free agent of fate/destiny as you, coming in for an imminent collision, which is rarely (don’t go by the movies) pleasant to either party.
But the feather on that violently horrible cap would be the dash happening between you (in this case me – a heavy adult. Understated) and a small, saucer eyed child of 3.
For a moment there, I thought I was going to be an unwitting child murderer but someone up there loved the little boy who fell in my path because I slowed down and halted just millimeters away from him, swayed and leaned forward over his fallen form in my efforts to brake without doing either of the following actions which I thought were impossible to avoid:
- Knocking him down
- Falling on him in all my heavy weight glory.
Before I could gasp out a “Are you Okay?”, he scampered up and slid away as fast as he could. I hope that the trauma of falling and having my bloodcurdling visage loom in front of him in his state of daze, doesn’t affect the poor thing, although logic rules against that. All I can do is pray that the child is plucky and possibly a fan of horror.
Its not often that one gets a chance to star in the nightmares of toddlers. A truly red letter day, wouldn’t you say?
On the whole Gautam said I did really good for a novice. For now I am willing to suspend my cynical disbelief and think a contender for the 2012 Olympics for figure skating from
Ice Queen,
Rain
You know that you are jaded when…
Don’t worry; it’s not a list. Just a realization that even a high-spirited, enthusiastic and lively person can turn into a numb, jaded, unfeeling clod of mud for no reason at all, except maybe as an automatic result of the passage of time.
There was a time when my getting up with a slight crick in the neck would have been a 5 page [in very tiny font] post, but now, as my sibling heart-brokenly stated in the impersonal confines of a IM window a couple of days back – she has to request me to blog so that she’d know what is happening in my life.
Not that life in itself is not providing enough material to write on or that I have suddenly lost my ability to communicate in English…I simply haven’t even looked at my own blog and I have no excuses.
This is my effort to make up for my numbness.
I went ice-skating and attended my first ever rock concert!
Normally one of these would be enough to send me into raptures…but let me start chronologically.
Consider this post as a foreword for the next two posts.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Dandiya Night disappointment
navaratri has come, Golu has been arranged in my house in India, sundal is being made and served, women folk extend mutual invitations to each other's houses and the unwilling are made to sing in each house.
back here, in my current place of existence, these nine days and nights are like any other. No doll display, no proteinatious food, no invitations, no singing [thankfully].
So I was determined to have atleast a slice of the Navaratri experience even if I am seven waterbodies away from my land. So I shelled out an unearthly sum (in USD) and got dressed and ready for Dandiya...
After a reasonable delay of about an hour and a half we started off, went in and picked up a couple of people at my place of work and one bunch of the gang went the wrong way and got lost, while the bunch I went with came to this place in the middle of miles of deserted and dark lonely roads; Like it was out of some typical c grade teenage slasher movie.
We went in to see that everyone else in the hall knew each other and were from the same club and we were the only bunch of strangers. It was as comfortable as unintendingly crashing someone's personal and small wedding. But I wasnt about to let my hard earned dollars go to waste, so I ate the food they served even if the theme was "ambiguous things floating in huge volume of oil". Then I was the last person to finish dinner and was one step away from being shooed out as the table had to be cleared to make the dance floor.
Then we danced for an hour. Exactly one hour only. Then we were asked to go away.
This was the great experience :((
Now I am still all dressed and ready to dance but have to settle for venting my enthusiasm and the adrenaline at 12.30 into my lappie's keypad.
disappointed dandiya dancer,
Rain
back here, in my current place of existence, these nine days and nights are like any other. No doll display, no proteinatious food, no invitations, no singing [thankfully].
So I was determined to have atleast a slice of the Navaratri experience even if I am seven waterbodies away from my land. So I shelled out an unearthly sum (in USD) and got dressed and ready for Dandiya...
After a reasonable delay of about an hour and a half we started off, went in and picked up a couple of people at my place of work and one bunch of the gang went the wrong way and got lost, while the bunch I went with came to this place in the middle of miles of deserted and dark lonely roads; Like it was out of some typical c grade teenage slasher movie.
We went in to see that everyone else in the hall knew each other and were from the same club and we were the only bunch of strangers. It was as comfortable as unintendingly crashing someone's personal and small wedding. But I wasnt about to let my hard earned dollars go to waste, so I ate the food they served even if the theme was "ambiguous things floating in huge volume of oil". Then I was the last person to finish dinner and was one step away from being shooed out as the table had to be cleared to make the dance floor.
Then we danced for an hour. Exactly one hour only. Then we were asked to go away.
This was the great experience :((
Now I am still all dressed and ready to dance but have to settle for venting my enthusiasm and the adrenaline at 12.30 into my lappie's keypad.
disappointed dandiya dancer,
Rain
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Let Go
This is the advice that this person who calls himself Anjana (You see I am no longer going to believe that anyone is who they claim to be eversince I had an interesting experience with a girl, who used to comment in my blog, who turned out to be a guy) gave me on my last post.
And I was tired enough to try it and it sort of works.
Its very zen to be mindless of the connections we make with other people. Its like a vacation. I saw this movie called Garden State which I really liked. I recommend it to everyone.
The song from its Soundtrack has been on my playlist for a week now and it speaks to me and my current state of mind.
Presenting, the lyrics of Let Go, which also I recommend as a really fabulous and addictive song:
Drink up baby down
Are you in or are you out?
Leave your things behind
'Cause it's all going off without you
Excuse me too busy you're writing a tragedy
These mess-ups
You bubble-wrap
When you've no idea what you're like
So, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
It gains the more it gives
And then advances with the form
So, honey, back for more
Can't you see that all the stuff's essential?
Such boundless pleasure
We've no time for later
Now you can wait
You roll your eyes
We've twenty seconds to comply
So, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's al right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
mindless,
Rain
And I was tired enough to try it and it sort of works.
Its very zen to be mindless of the connections we make with other people. Its like a vacation. I saw this movie called Garden State which I really liked. I recommend it to everyone.
The song from its Soundtrack has been on my playlist for a week now and it speaks to me and my current state of mind.
Presenting, the lyrics of Let Go, which also I recommend as a really fabulous and addictive song:
Drink up baby down
Are you in or are you out?
Leave your things behind
'Cause it's all going off without you
Excuse me too busy you're writing a tragedy
These mess-ups
You bubble-wrap
When you've no idea what you're like
So, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
It gains the more it gives
And then advances with the form
So, honey, back for more
Can't you see that all the stuff's essential?
Such boundless pleasure
We've no time for later
Now you can wait
You roll your eyes
We've twenty seconds to comply
So, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's al right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
mindless,
Rain
Friday, September 01, 2006
Serious Comedy
If my playlist is anything to go by, pop psychologists (and those with actual earned degrees) would swear I am a maniac depressive who has had a tragically violent love life (funny, that even those who read my blog posts are somehow getting that sense about me...)
But quite frankly, I am neither depressed or jilted. Sadness is more meaningful to me than the temporary and baseless elation (a high, if you will) that accompanies love (or consumption of large quantities of choclate or/and icecream). With that out of the way, I love comedy.
Being funny is a huge challenge that takes a big mix of intelligence, instinct, mind reading and a whole lot of black matter (which is a placeholder for something no one can name).
Orkut makes you categorise your sense of humor, although I am against categorization of anything, this one I think brings order enough to help one analyse it. And as I have once discussed with my mail-buddy, sarcasm and parody is rated at the bottom of all types of humor. Its supposed to be too mean and nasty a thing to be given any official encouragement - so quite obviously, I am for it.
Saturday Night Live is the institution that serves as the temple of this form of humor. Improv is a test of wits and skill and this show has the right mix to make it a reality show that is the grandmother of survivor and amazing race. Those who have made their presence felt in SNL have gone on to be the biggest in Hollywood and rightfully so. I just finished watching an Anthology of the first 5 years of this NBC fixture and I recommend it to anyone who likes smart humor.
Teal, my evil twin (if minus of minus is a plus, doesnt that make you the good twin?), you have to watch this. We have known, loved and hated ourselves for loving the Night at the Roxbury so I know you will definitely be up for this DVD. Too bad, you live in the other side of the planet...
Its 3.38 AM of friday morning of the 1st of september and I love my life.
Having said that, let me substantiate the above statement's validity by declaring that I have not partaken drugs and alcohol or whiffed glue. Also, I am of sound mind (and this is not my last will and testimony) ; or was sane the last time I checked anyway. Laughing makes you feel good; appreciation of another's intelligence is also a factor. SNL gives you that. Watch it!
I have stopped caring about being deliberately funny in the blog. [A shockingly unexpected observation ? then you havent been paying any attention to the posts now, have you?]
I simply consider myself too stupid to manage it. There was once a time when I was SNL cast member material - I was writing skits, doing improv and performing. Maybe that phase will reoccur...until then, you will only get what you see.
dim-wittedly yours,
Rain
PS: I havent packed for my travel tomorrow, I cant find vitally important documents, there is a good chance that my house could plunge into darkness next week and I have office tomorrow. I am typing stuff at 4.a.m, regardless. isnt that funny?
But quite frankly, I am neither depressed or jilted. Sadness is more meaningful to me than the temporary and baseless elation (a high, if you will) that accompanies love (or consumption of large quantities of choclate or/and icecream). With that out of the way, I love comedy.
Being funny is a huge challenge that takes a big mix of intelligence, instinct, mind reading and a whole lot of black matter (which is a placeholder for something no one can name).
Orkut makes you categorise your sense of humor, although I am against categorization of anything, this one I think brings order enough to help one analyse it. And as I have once discussed with my mail-buddy, sarcasm and parody is rated at the bottom of all types of humor. Its supposed to be too mean and nasty a thing to be given any official encouragement - so quite obviously, I am for it.
Saturday Night Live is the institution that serves as the temple of this form of humor. Improv is a test of wits and skill and this show has the right mix to make it a reality show that is the grandmother of survivor and amazing race. Those who have made their presence felt in SNL have gone on to be the biggest in Hollywood and rightfully so. I just finished watching an Anthology of the first 5 years of this NBC fixture and I recommend it to anyone who likes smart humor.
Teal, my evil twin (if minus of minus is a plus, doesnt that make you the good twin?), you have to watch this. We have known, loved and hated ourselves for loving the Night at the Roxbury so I know you will definitely be up for this DVD. Too bad, you live in the other side of the planet...
Its 3.38 AM of friday morning of the 1st of september and I love my life.
Having said that, let me substantiate the above statement's validity by declaring that I have not partaken drugs and alcohol or whiffed glue. Also, I am of sound mind (and this is not my last will and testimony) ; or was sane the last time I checked anyway. Laughing makes you feel good; appreciation of another's intelligence is also a factor. SNL gives you that. Watch it!
I have stopped caring about being deliberately funny in the blog. [A shockingly unexpected observation ? then you havent been paying any attention to the posts now, have you?]
I simply consider myself too stupid to manage it. There was once a time when I was SNL cast member material - I was writing skits, doing improv and performing. Maybe that phase will reoccur...until then, you will only get what you see.
dim-wittedly yours,
Rain
PS: I havent packed for my travel tomorrow, I cant find vitally important documents, there is a good chance that my house could plunge into darkness next week and I have office tomorrow. I am typing stuff at 4.a.m, regardless. isnt that funny?
Monday, August 21, 2006
Trouble of being three...
You'd think that a person with a shred of intelligence will avoid a situation where there will be interpersonal relationships of the same nature between 3 people. After all, two is company...but three, as the cliché goes, is definitely a crowd.
God! to be emotionless... Would make the world such an efficient place.
But I am so far beyond stupid that I fall into the same trap time and again. History apparently has taught me nothing. I no longer feel I can even learn what a mouse in a science experiment would learn to associate with danger, some bad effect of an activity/situation.
Inherent and insolvable problem in being three is the number of relationships that exist are 6. Lets name the 3 people as A,B and C.
A-> B
B->C
C->A
B->A
C->B
A->C
The more the number of relationships, the more the misunderstandings, the jealousies, the rivalries for the affections, the unfair comparisons...you get the drift. Also any person with the working brain cell can identify that there is not one single positive outcome documented in the previous sentence.
Also from my listing of the relationships between A, B and C, it should be obvious that A->B is not equal to B->A. That in itself is not a problem [maybe it is, but not at all significant in direct comparison with the kind of trouble the author is talking about] if the equation only consists of 2 variables.
But consider this,
A->B = K [some value]
and B->A = L [another value]
but B->C = M [you know what is coming...]
of which K>L and M>L.
So the result = A is a pathetic, miserable, codependent loser who is not going to be given any importance from B, who prefers C instead.
Now you are beginning to understand the scope for the trouble. But it gets worse...
consider if all the 3 components of the equation feel that they are in the position of A in the previous illustration...
That they like a person more than the other but that person they like prefers the third more.
Whether it is a fact or not is entirely unimportant. Just that thought can lead to a lot of emotional turmoil.
God! to be emotionless... Would make the world such an efficient place.
People wouldn't be typing laments in form of blog posts, to be unleashed to the unsuspecting couple of people loyal enough to still come here and read it, at midnight when the next day is back-to-office-for- a-new-work-week day. [At this point the author takes a break to remember Rani ma'am who would say - “Short sentences make better impact, Remya! Why are you meandering...what is it, that you want to convey?”]
No one came keeping the another person's support as the basis. Which means that one can live without another person. Only funda is learning how to -
Not NAG [Cos that is right only a wife has and the person doing the nagging is not one...]
Not have expectations [Cos that leads to disappointment which sets off all the nagging...]
Stay less entangled with the other 2 people [that way no expectations, no disappointments, no nagging]
As the wise sage Alanis sang-You live, You learn,
Rain
Monday, August 14, 2006
Freedom....
Today was very significant.
My third roommate, the mediator, the one who cared a damn about me, a person we shall call L [since I have as yet to ask her permission to reveal her details out here...], has moved out to another bigger/better apartment.
she is thrilled. I am happy for her but not for myself...
How much I depend on that person's mail [yes, he hasnt stopped them yet], how much I need to discuss every little stupid, insignificant detail with my cube neighbour/friend/idol/lead, who we can not even give a nick, since I respect her so much. How thrilled I get when Brinda calls [which she does make with unerring regularity :) ]
How Divya has become my entire support infrastructure...
How Vinoo understands my emotional crisis [crisis in plural is still crisis, right?] even if I dont need to elaborate...
And my other friends, co workers and neighbours too [there is practically no line of separation between these three things anymore]
which makes me really wonder; living away from family, seems to make people more vulnerable, clingy and dependant...
Am getting a very bad taste in my mouth even contemplating the use of these adjectives to describe me. But facts are facts.
Here is what I need to do to get a life:
1. Develop new hobbies - Revive tarot, take up sketching
2. Maintain the standard ones - Reading, Newspapers, Journals, blog more often
3. Survival actions - cook, clean, mend
4. Diagnostic - Finance Accounts, analyse spending, avoid unnecessary expenditure
5. Physical Exercise - Walk [with or without Matt], Tennis [Need matt for this one], Yoga [this one has to start...HAS TO]
6. PRAY
Gaahhh with so many things to do...why am I being such a parasite on these people [mentioned directly and indirectly in the para above]
Tuesday is Independance Day [Hopefully, I should have started my path to independant living by then]
Wednesday is Janmashtami :) Will I get to go to the temple?
God Willing!
Rain
My third roommate, the mediator, the one who cared a damn about me, a person we shall call L [since I have as yet to ask her permission to reveal her details out here...], has moved out to another bigger/better apartment.
she is thrilled. I am happy for her but not for myself...
How much I depend on that person's mail [yes, he hasnt stopped them yet], how much I need to discuss every little stupid, insignificant detail with my cube neighbour/friend/idol/lead, who we can not even give a nick, since I respect her so much. How thrilled I get when Brinda calls [which she does make with unerring regularity :) ]
How Divya has become my entire support infrastructure...
How Vinoo understands my emotional crisis [crisis in plural is still crisis, right?] even if I dont need to elaborate...
And my other friends, co workers and neighbours too [there is practically no line of separation between these three things anymore]
which makes me really wonder; living away from family, seems to make people more vulnerable, clingy and dependant...
Am getting a very bad taste in my mouth even contemplating the use of these adjectives to describe me. But facts are facts.
Here is what I need to do to get a life:
1. Develop new hobbies - Revive tarot, take up sketching
2. Maintain the standard ones - Reading, Newspapers, Journals, blog more often
3. Survival actions - cook, clean, mend
4. Diagnostic - Finance Accounts, analyse spending, avoid unnecessary expenditure
5. Physical Exercise - Walk [with or without Matt], Tennis [Need matt for this one], Yoga [this one has to start...HAS TO]
6. PRAY
Gaahhh with so many things to do...why am I being such a parasite on these people [mentioned directly and indirectly in the para above]
Tuesday is Independance Day [Hopefully, I should have started my path to independant living by then]
Wednesday is Janmashtami :) Will I get to go to the temple?
God Willing!
Rain
Monday, July 03, 2006
The Substitute
I need to write and talk...they are those natural extensions of my thoughts that doing them is as important and vital as breathing.
Rain
Then why have I played hookey with the blog?
I simply found another way to replace my need to blog.
There is this person I have known from the mid of last year, who I was interacting with on a strictly, only a little more than, a Hi-Bye basis.
Suddenly, I started mailing him...these really long mails full of my politically incorrect and frequently incoherent and extremely unrequired statements. They started off formally, with polite status updates and questions on what each other was doing. Then I got free and extensive while the he is still being polite and formal.
Sometimes I wonder if I should take hints and stop mailing since the other person is not so thrilled or eloquent in his responses. Other times I ponder over the fact that, if my mails were unwelcome then the chain wouldnt still be alive. Pity can only give you very little tolerance. Believe me, I know; I have tried to tolerate many people many times and understand the limits of tolerance.
Letters used to be the substitutes for essays and books even. There are so many "Collected letters of..." type of books, because more than some sycophantic biographer or egotistical autobiography, its the way we communicate with some other person, that shows us about ourselves.
I am never going to actually distribute "The Collected emails between Rain and this guy" out to the reading public or even in this blog. It wasnt personal and there was nothing shocking in the content, the only reason I dont want to is that there is another person involved and he might not like his conversations made public.
What makes mailing this guy as satisfying as writing a blog post is that he is neutral and un-prejudiced. He lets me talk about what I have to say without saying whether its right or wrong...When he says something I do not take it as an arguement against my ideas (even when they differ entirely) and just listen to another point of view (that is a big thing for me)
He is not close to me at all for me to do any of the following -
take him for granted, read too much into his words, second-guess him at every turn, get nasty (take things personal) when we disagree.
Also, there is no restriction on the topic. He is intelligent, well-read, funny, mature and wise so discussion on any topic under the sun makes me come out more well-informed than the time we went into it. Lucky Me!
So its convenient for me, enriching even, that we are exchanging mails. His sitch might not be so hunky-dory. I am a little hard to take even if you're the most patient and tolerant person in the world. I dont see how he gets anything good out of this anyway...
As all things come to an end...its the time for the natural demise of this mail exchange, our electronic text conversation. Nothing dramatic, just that he is going to be moving on to other things work-wise and otherwise and cannot be expected to spend 5 minutes a day, writing to me.
To me its like watching something good die. I mourn for it mildly, even though its not really over because I know its going to go away. Fade until it comes to nothing. Those mails were sometimes the only good thing I had to look forward to, since I came here. Now that I have access to my blog; I hereby replace the mails with the blog again.
All-Natural me, no substitutes,Rain
Thursday, June 22, 2006
unbreak my blog
So my black dot is back to mar the aesthically white world.
I did nothing to put it out of action and did nothing else other than publishing a new post to put it back together again (unlike Dumpty, Humpty who is predictably gone pieces although not because of this)
I am spending my days in an untiring effort to finish reading as many books as I possibly can and watch as many movies as well. Not an enriching exercise for my brain (or what is left of it) but I am at peace with the world. Numbness is worth the killing of neurons sometimes.
I unbroke my blog.
Now I go to read some more books and watch some more movies.
I did nothing to put it out of action and did nothing else other than publishing a new post to put it back together again (unlike Dumpty, Humpty who is predictably gone pieces although not because of this)
I am spending my days in an untiring effort to finish reading as many books as I possibly can and watch as many movies as well. Not an enriching exercise for my brain (or what is left of it) but I am at peace with the world. Numbness is worth the killing of neurons sometimes.
I unbroke my blog.
Now I go to read some more books and watch some more movies.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Krishna comes home...
Finally, I bought a laptop and am going to connect with family and friends, get back to serious blogging, learn a lot .etc.!!!
I have named him SriKrishna after my favorite representative of God on earth :)
Juvenile as it is, I name the non-living things if they are important to me.
My cycle had a name, remember Chetak? and the two wheeler's name is Rampyari.
Anyway me and Krishna are going to share a long, healthy and rewarding friendship.
I am back!!
First post with Krishna,
Rain
I have named him SriKrishna after my favorite representative of God on earth :)
Juvenile as it is, I name the non-living things if they are important to me.
My cycle had a name, remember Chetak? and the two wheeler's name is Rampyari.
Anyway me and Krishna are going to share a long, healthy and rewarding friendship.
I am back!!
First post with Krishna,
Rain
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Home and Away
Hi Everyone,
This will be my attempt to condense 3 months of my life and present it to those who care.
A quarter is not significant in itself. I have spent almost all my quarters in life doing next to nothing...
But these 3 months have been very special.
For one, I am in a different continent now. I always thought I could not be who I am without my motherland for she is a vital part of my identity. Now that I have survived (even flourished) away from India I cannot help but repeat the cliche - "You can take an Indian out of India, but you cannot take India out of an Indian"
I visit temple, once a week, without fail here. I go to every Indian concert I can possibly attend and I speak my native language far more here than I did back home. In short, I am more Indian here :)
Second comes the point of independance. This doesnt mean I was under someone's control before (that has never happened in my entire life). What I want to convey is that I am responsible for myself now. I take care of my own house, my bank balance, my social life and my health. Most girls just get transferred from being the responsibility of parents to being the responsibility of their husbands. Thankfully, I have the best way out. I am living my own life, in my terms and am answerable only to myself.
THird and more related issue is that of 'fitting in'. Now that you have established your independance, you have to be strong enough in every way to be able to find a place for yourself in an alien environment. Our world here is very small. Everyone knows everyone else. Its like being in a very beautiful and well-equipped commune. So you are the new guy and rest of them have solid bonds between themselves already. THankfully for me, its been a breeze with everyone welcoming me with open arms.
Its not all roses though, I am hitting rough patches with 'certain' people and god knows, I am not a very easy person to handle, not everyone's cup of tea myself; so its a mutual kind of fitting in problem.
Fourth is just how much I am learning and experiencing!!!
Feel really grown up suddenly :)
I have gone from the person who used to hesitate from going to Adayar from mylapore to being the one who jets to Frankfurt, DC, New York, Cleveland...list should keep growing (God Willing).
My work has shifted from just coding a narrow part of a mute system to the one who talks to the client, understands their needs, understands the business and the part I am supposed to play to get the things done. Job Satisfaction is pretty high [touch wood]
Money is a concern, most definitely. Hope to make more, always planning to budget and save more... Going to learn to actually achieve that soon.
Although I read extensively, I am able to understand that my thinking has not been wide in any sense of the word. Here I am forced to contend with the thinking of complete strangers who have been thrown in with me in this crazy life. People from varied backgrounds who live, play and work with me and I see just how different we can be in thought, speech and action. I am a fan of non-conformance and I appreciate the variety I see in them. Sometimes I see light in trains of thought that I would consider bizarre.
I have a new sense of the importance of my family, my country and my culture. Beginning to understand that I would do anything for them is a jolt for me, because I am thinking more like an induvidual than a collective organism that consists of my family and friends.
Suddenly when it seems that Rain has achieved ultimate understanding and you expect me to preach peace & love in a toga with flowers in my open hair, let me bring you to reality. I am still me.
I still cant sleep at nights, addicted to TV, movies and books, very opposite of Ms.Congeniality, argue with anyone and everyone at the drop of a hat...none of that has changed.
More detailed catchup posts will follow. This was just an overview :)
Still looking for 'nirvana',
Rain
This will be my attempt to condense 3 months of my life and present it to those who care.
A quarter is not significant in itself. I have spent almost all my quarters in life doing next to nothing...
But these 3 months have been very special.
For one, I am in a different continent now. I always thought I could not be who I am without my motherland for she is a vital part of my identity. Now that I have survived (even flourished) away from India I cannot help but repeat the cliche - "You can take an Indian out of India, but you cannot take India out of an Indian"
I visit temple, once a week, without fail here. I go to every Indian concert I can possibly attend and I speak my native language far more here than I did back home. In short, I am more Indian here :)
Second comes the point of independance. This doesnt mean I was under someone's control before (that has never happened in my entire life). What I want to convey is that I am responsible for myself now. I take care of my own house, my bank balance, my social life and my health. Most girls just get transferred from being the responsibility of parents to being the responsibility of their husbands. Thankfully, I have the best way out. I am living my own life, in my terms and am answerable only to myself.
THird and more related issue is that of 'fitting in'. Now that you have established your independance, you have to be strong enough in every way to be able to find a place for yourself in an alien environment. Our world here is very small. Everyone knows everyone else. Its like being in a very beautiful and well-equipped commune. So you are the new guy and rest of them have solid bonds between themselves already. THankfully for me, its been a breeze with everyone welcoming me with open arms.
Its not all roses though, I am hitting rough patches with 'certain' people and god knows, I am not a very easy person to handle, not everyone's cup of tea myself; so its a mutual kind of fitting in problem.
Fourth is just how much I am learning and experiencing!!!
Feel really grown up suddenly :)
I have gone from the person who used to hesitate from going to Adayar from mylapore to being the one who jets to Frankfurt, DC, New York, Cleveland...list should keep growing (God Willing).
My work has shifted from just coding a narrow part of a mute system to the one who talks to the client, understands their needs, understands the business and the part I am supposed to play to get the things done. Job Satisfaction is pretty high [touch wood]
Money is a concern, most definitely. Hope to make more, always planning to budget and save more... Going to learn to actually achieve that soon.
Although I read extensively, I am able to understand that my thinking has not been wide in any sense of the word. Here I am forced to contend with the thinking of complete strangers who have been thrown in with me in this crazy life. People from varied backgrounds who live, play and work with me and I see just how different we can be in thought, speech and action. I am a fan of non-conformance and I appreciate the variety I see in them. Sometimes I see light in trains of thought that I would consider bizarre.
I have a new sense of the importance of my family, my country and my culture. Beginning to understand that I would do anything for them is a jolt for me, because I am thinking more like an induvidual than a collective organism that consists of my family and friends.
Suddenly when it seems that Rain has achieved ultimate understanding and you expect me to preach peace & love in a toga with flowers in my open hair, let me bring you to reality. I am still me.
I still cant sleep at nights, addicted to TV, movies and books, very opposite of Ms.Congeniality, argue with anyone and everyone at the drop of a hat...none of that has changed.
More detailed catchup posts will follow. This was just an overview :)
Still looking for 'nirvana',
Rain
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Untag me
First post in 3 months, after crossing 7 seas and having had the most learning experiences in the shortest time ever, will be the reply to my sister's tag questions:-
Go Figure!!
I promise my thoughts (in form of Blog posts) will be unleashed soon and shall continue on a regular basis thereon...
1.Grab the book nearest to you, turn on a random page and find random line.
“God is DEAD!” Roman thundered “God is dead and Satan lives! The year is One, the first year of our Lord! The year is One, God is done!”
From “Rosemary’s Baby” by Ira Levin
2.Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.
Why?
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
”Kung Fu Hustle”
4.Without looking, guess what time it is?
10:30 AM??
5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
10:32 AM
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
”Faint” by Linkin Park in my iPod
7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Today morning. Was on my way to office
8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
My stupid sister’s silly blog.
9.What are you wearing?
Blue shirt and black pants
10. Did you dream last night?
yes.
11. When did you last laugh?
In the morning.
12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Picture of Yashoda with Krishna on her lap, a painting of Ganesha, 2006 Mellon Calendar, Phone numbers of my collegues.
13. Seen anything weird lately?
NYC. And its very weird in everyway.
14. What do u think of this quiz?
Huge waste of time.
15. What is the Last film u saw?
”Kung Fu Hustle”
16. If you became a multimillionaire overnight, what would you buy?
Anything I want.
17. Tell me something about you that I dunno.
I wear tinkly anklets with western formal wear.
18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
Remove the capacity for mindless violence from human mind.
19. Do you like to dance?
Depends on the song.
20. George Bush
President.
21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Tejaswi
22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Tejas
23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
I am doing that, knuckleHead!!
24.What do you want GOD to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
Hi.
25. People who may do this memo in their journal.
I am a humanitarian. No one will be tagged.
Go Figure!!
I promise my thoughts (in form of Blog posts) will be unleashed soon and shall continue on a regular basis thereon...
1.Grab the book nearest to you, turn on a random page and find random line.
“God is DEAD!” Roman thundered “God is dead and Satan lives! The year is One, the first year of our Lord! The year is One, God is done!”
From “Rosemary’s Baby” by Ira Levin
2.Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.
Why?
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
”Kung Fu Hustle”
4.Without looking, guess what time it is?
10:30 AM??
5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
10:32 AM
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
”Faint” by Linkin Park in my iPod
7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Today morning. Was on my way to office
8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
My stupid sister’s silly blog.
9.What are you wearing?
Blue shirt and black pants
10. Did you dream last night?
yes.
11. When did you last laugh?
In the morning.
12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Picture of Yashoda with Krishna on her lap, a painting of Ganesha, 2006 Mellon Calendar, Phone numbers of my collegues.
13. Seen anything weird lately?
NYC. And its very weird in everyway.
14. What do u think of this quiz?
Huge waste of time.
15. What is the Last film u saw?
”Kung Fu Hustle”
16. If you became a multimillionaire overnight, what would you buy?
Anything I want.
17. Tell me something about you that I dunno.
I wear tinkly anklets with western formal wear.
18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
Remove the capacity for mindless violence from human mind.
19. Do you like to dance?
Depends on the song.
20. George Bush
President.
21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Tejaswi
22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Tejas
23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
I am doing that, knuckleHead!!
24.What do you want GOD to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
Hi.
25. People who may do this memo in their journal.
I am a humanitarian. No one will be tagged.
Monday, March 27, 2006
Change of address
You know how familiarity seems to breed contempt, especially when you've been leading a very automated life...Familiarity also breeds a sense of safety and when you're [to be] removed from that little mini-world you've created for yourself, you realise it more than ever.
Oh, and if it wasnt obvious already, I am terrified. Thought of leaving makes me sick to my stomach [literally].
Still, I have to go. Dont know when I will be able to continue blogging again [depends on very many factors] but hope to be back in full force ASAP [which should also be banned from usage along with EOD and .etc.]
Flying Away,
Rain
PS: Nope. Still not talking about marriage.
Oh, and if it wasnt obvious already, I am terrified. Thought of leaving makes me sick to my stomach [literally].
Still, I have to go. Dont know when I will be able to continue blogging again [depends on very many factors] but hope to be back in full force ASAP [which should also be banned from usage along with EOD and .etc.]
Flying Away,
Rain
PS: Nope. Still not talking about marriage.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Paradise Lost
I have just broken the cardinal rule of blogging. A new post when most will not have had enough time to read the previous one, thus ensuring that it will not be focus of the casual visitors' attention and therefore will be ignored.
But the frequency of my posts does more with my wanting to say something than with anything else.
On Friday while on my way to Chepauk, I happened to spot a march by about 30-40 people on the opposite side of the road. All of them carried this flag and placards bearing the legend "Free Tibet":
It also made me very curious to watch the news item that
Coincidentally, I discovered that the only movie in my personal collection that I hadnt already watched already was "7 years in Tibet". So I spent roughly 2 hours last evening watching that movie and found that it was by no means a waste of time.
X---X---X
Here are the basic facts of the movie [in accordance with Akshaya's suggestion], Source:IMDB
Directed by
Jean-Jacques Annaud
Writing credits
Heinrich Harrer (book)
Becky Johnston (screenplay)
Released 1997
| Cast overview: | ||
| Brad Pitt | .... | Heinrich Harrer |
| David Thewlis | .... | Peter Aufschnaiter |
| B.D. Wong | .... | Ngawang Jigme |
| Mako | .... | Kungo Tsarong |
| Danny Denzongpa | .... | Regent |
| Victor Wong | .... | Chinese 'Amban' |
| Jamyang Jamtsho Wangchuk | .... | Dalai Lama, 14 Years Old |
The story is the account of the Austrian Climber Heinrich Harrer,( the all round Alpha Male) who seeks to conquer the
Harrer does the survey of the Lhasa city and also get to build a movie house for the young Dalai Lama, who he comes to look on as a son-substitute [his own son, who he has never seen, refuses to accept him as the father].
His Holiness is a vivacious young man, so full of curiosity about everything micro and macro that Harrer once exclaims- "Do you know of other sentence constructs, besides Questions?"
China begins its relentless attack on the peace-loving, non-violent and entirely non-militaristic Tibet and the 14 yr old accepts command of his country and people, who have intense and simplistic faith in their religion helping them overcome the onslaught of the enemy [they revere enemies in Tibet and consider them teachers of patience and faith].
Chamao, the gateway to Tibet, falls after a unevenly matched slaughter of the poorly equipped Tibetian army, and the young, ambitious Governor Ngawang Jigme gives into the politics of the matter and signs a surrender. Thus heralding the occupation of Tibet that has lasted on to this day.
X---X---X
The present Dalai Lama, is a consummate Media man. He is able to make followers of everyone he meets all around the world, so much so that many of the glitterati of Hollywood have turned Buddhist and are taking up the cause of Tibet. The ordinary people of Tibet are also wonderful in their innate ability to mesh with the locals wherever they settle, while still raising their voices to the liberation of their Homeland- Tibet [or paradise].
Nevertheless, China is still the Big Brother of this part of the world. India, despite its emerging strength is unable to effectively oppose it for the sake of the Tibetians, for whom it has maximum empathy and support. If Arunchal Pradesh were to cede to China, we would be doing the same thing that Ngawang Jigme did in case of Chamao. Soon there will come a time when the Chinese will also swallow the vastness that is India, in its entirely; right down to the safe Tamilnadu. Then we will ask the same question that the Lama asked Harrer - "Will people come look at the movies of us and wonder what happened to our country, one day?"
If the Japanese were cruel to the Chinese in Nanjing[for example], the Chinese have also shown their utter lack of mercy for the Tibetians and the Indians (remember our BSF, so many regiments who died right down to the last man, in their efforts to keep away the vast chinese army). When it comes to war, violence and accession - it is always the fight between the Powerful and the Peaceful; the nationalities never matter.
We are peaceful people. We revere our non-violence and our respect for all life. But we should never yield; otherwise we may one day face the same fate as our other peaceful brethren - the lovely people of Tibet.
Free Tibet from Chinese oppression,
Rain
PS: I think I have just been marked by the People’s Republic for my pro-Tibet stance. These guys apparently block content with the help of Google [Et Tu, Brutus?!]
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Illusion of free will
Destiny.
A concept not accepted by many because that would mean that man is not in control of what is to happen to him. It would mean we have to accept that there are many random forces acting on you in many ways that make you steer in the directions, not necessarily of your choice...like a leaf in the wind.
I believe that I choose everything with respect to me.
Although, I admit, that of late, that belief is getting shakier. I ranted and raved in this very blog of inertia and time being ripe for changes that would take me to the next level.
What I didnt see coming, in my expectation for a staircase, was hundred floor elevator that moves at the speed of light. Now, although rising high is a good thing, the ingrained paranoia wonders "is this too much of a good thing?"
While still battling that, the next surprise rolls in, hardly giving me enough time to even take it all in. Oh and this one is a good thing too. And yeah, they are mutually exclusive.
Decisions Decisions...
pro-cons analysis, SWOT listings...all that funda still falls short when its time to take a step in any of the 2 ways.
Then you realize what you knew all along; there was never any choice. Ever.
You only go the way that is for the greater good, a popular choice of the ones you care about.
This cannot be termed sacrifice, for you cannot say for sure if you'd have struck gold if you had gone the other way. Also, there is a good chance that the path that your people are urging you to tread in may be the one path that leads to your personal destination.
This is the point where I lament, and todays theme is : "Why do good things come in mutually exclusive pairs" or "Why can't I have the cake and eat it too?" [what is the point of the cake other than eating it?]
A new phase is starting, the one I chose with the illusion of my free will. I accept the consequences. It will literally be a new world removed of anything I find familiar.
I am brave or I hope I am. I will face things the best way I can.
If I am a pawn of destiny then I will act with the thought that I am destined to be the best I possibly can be. Still human enough to be scared of new things, but not enough to be deterred by them.
Fighting for control of my life,
Rain
PS: No, I am not getting married.
A concept not accepted by many because that would mean that man is not in control of what is to happen to him. It would mean we have to accept that there are many random forces acting on you in many ways that make you steer in the directions, not necessarily of your choice...like a leaf in the wind.
I believe that I choose everything with respect to me.
Although, I admit, that of late, that belief is getting shakier. I ranted and raved in this very blog of inertia and time being ripe for changes that would take me to the next level.
What I didnt see coming, in my expectation for a staircase, was hundred floor elevator that moves at the speed of light. Now, although rising high is a good thing, the ingrained paranoia wonders "is this too much of a good thing?"
While still battling that, the next surprise rolls in, hardly giving me enough time to even take it all in. Oh and this one is a good thing too. And yeah, they are mutually exclusive.
Decisions Decisions...
pro-cons analysis, SWOT listings...all that funda still falls short when its time to take a step in any of the 2 ways.
Then you realize what you knew all along; there was never any choice. Ever.
You only go the way that is for the greater good, a popular choice of the ones you care about.
This cannot be termed sacrifice, for you cannot say for sure if you'd have struck gold if you had gone the other way. Also, there is a good chance that the path that your people are urging you to tread in may be the one path that leads to your personal destination.
This is the point where I lament, and todays theme is : "Why do good things come in mutually exclusive pairs" or "Why can't I have the cake and eat it too?" [what is the point of the cake other than eating it?]
A new phase is starting, the one I chose with the illusion of my free will. I accept the consequences. It will literally be a new world removed of anything I find familiar.
I am brave or I hope I am. I will face things the best way I can.
If I am a pawn of destiny then I will act with the thought that I am destined to be the best I possibly can be. Still human enough to be scared of new things, but not enough to be deterred by them.
Fighting for control of my life,
Rain
PS: No, I am not getting married.
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