Compliments and how to take them

For the life of me, I don't know anything about this. Some are born deprived of the genes that ensure right reactions/responses to compliments, I am a registered case of that syndrome, soon to be named after me.
People tend to make observations...like the other day when my mother said that Udhav Thackeray probably had a habit of sucking his thumb for many years as a child, she got this inference from observing his teeth as NDTV showed a close up of him giving a speech in a campaign rally. Believe me, this image will not make the next Shiv Sena Supremo.
Raj Thakeray called Laloo Yadav a monkey who can't take care of his own state and claims to work for the development of maharashtra (where elections are happening today). That observation makes me a big fan of Raj.
But observations are not enough grounds upon which to decide to shower compliments( which is not the case in either of the above observations)
Its quite rare that I get compliments, but it would make me entirely a lot happier if they were stereotypical. If some one were to come up to me and say "good work" or "good speech" and such, we could just go with the "thanks" routine... but if god sent you people that said cruel things to you in the guise of well-meaning compliments? what then ?
To illustrate my point, I present before you some of the truely hideous compliments I have got:
"Your specs are great. you look like a stud"-- helloo! I am a GIRL... so by intrinsic agreement, I must never look like a stud. No matter how handsome I look in my angular glasses.
"Dear, your face has a glow. tell me are you in Love"--Hate gives that glow too, apparently...
"You are so intelligent. Got XX% in college and working in computer company"-- Yep, I must be considering only around zillion ppl have achieved the same feat; Boy, do I stand out from the crowd or what?
"You are a very good singer. I know for sure, I mean how different can two sisters be?"
--As different as chalk and cheese, or in this case as the musically gifted and the musically impaired.
"You are such a healthy girl."-- So you couldnt just say fat, huh? you dorky, politically-correct vermin.
"Did anyone mistake you for Aishwarya Rai?."--Didnt meet any blind person other than you.
"Its a cinch for you, After all what do you lack?"-- this is the mother of all trick-questions, but I will be frank [not Joe..or any other name that immediately springs to your poor-joke infested mind] I lack everything.
"You used to be so beautiful as a child"--Am I the only one who notices this person talking in past tense?
"Your son has taken completely after you"--That beautiful child is my brother.
??!!#%&$(*)***********************************************************
Let me assure you that the people who have said all these things are really nice and were speaking their mind out. They didnt have any intention of harming me. But I really wish they were less mislead about me. :p
On that wishy-washy note,
Rain